fandomhigh | Adventuring Survival Tactics, Period 4, A Classroom, 2/2/07

Today, the classroom had pillows. Lots and lots of pillows. The Doctor was standing, with a smug grin on his face. When everyone had gathered, he spoke.

"Sex. If you're going to get all righteous and uptight on me, you're officially excused out the door right now and you can go watch Davey and Goliath clips on YouTube or whatever it is you boring people do. Anyone leaving?"

He paused, just in case anyone did.

"Now this isn't your stupid and silly tab a into slot b lesson. That... well, frankly, that's boring. I'm sure Mr. Harkness could share his expertise for multiple, well, yes, I'm not here to talk about what two humans can do with their block and tackle, right? This is about what happens when you get really friendly with a nice blue girl with mandibles or a scaly fellow who doesn't have lips. So now, please bear with me."

And then the doctor launched into a lengthy lecture. With gestures. Dolls and bizzare plushies as Visual aids. And some possibly psychologically scarring content about what one does with horns, mandibles, scales, tails, and, of course, tentacles.

"So now, pair up, one of you pretend to be a creature with different physiology, and chat each other up. If you need some ideas, there's some ~~tentacle porn~~ magazines under some of the pillows. No actual sex in my classroom, please. I'd get sacked, and that would be a bad thing. So... go ahead and do what comes naturally, eh?"

[ooc: ~~Wait for~~ OCD is up, my friends.]

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Tannim? Bright pink and trying not to think about certain creatures he'd seen on his brief trips Underhill.

Having managed to banish most of the tentacle related stuff from her mind, River approached an embarrassed looking boy she didn't know. "Hello?" she said. "Want to team up? Don't do things with tentacles though."

Tannim, if possible, turned even brighter pink as his over-fertile imagination helpfully provided images of things that could be done with tentacles. "Um, sure," he said.

Unfortunately River could see those images quite clearly and blushed too. "I can pretend to be scaly," she offered nervously. "And a snake's tail instead of legs."

“Human from the waist up?” Tannim asked. He wasn’t sure how sex would work with a snake tail, but since that meant a clear picture wasn’t popping up his mind, it was all of the good.

He dug under the pillow to see what the magazines would say.

Oh. That’s what you could do with a snake tail.

You could heat Canada with the blush on Tannim’s face.

River didn't need to look in the magazine to get the idea. She held her legs together and tried looking like a half-snake person. "So if I try doing this," she tried gesturing that might preclude the activities in the magazines, "what would you do?"

Tannim glanced back at the magazine and wished he hadn't. "Couldn't we just start with a kiss or something?" he asked desperately.

River looked a little nervous. "Ok," hse said. "I assume that's done the usual way. You want to kiss me and then I can to the snakey things?"

"Okay," Tannim said. Or we can just not do the snakey things at all!

River raised an eyebrow. The non-human stuff was the point of this class after all. "Okay, you kiss me then," she said, trying to think of a good next move for the snake-person.

Tannim nodded. "Okay, I kiss you," he said. “And then, um,” he would reach max blush capacity anytime, really, “I caress your breasts?” His voice may have squeaked a bit on the last word. This would be a lot easier if I’d ever done anything with a *human* girl.

River might have blushed there too, as the breast caressing thing sounded really nice. Not that she'd had much experience with that herself. "Ok," she said. "and then I wrap my snake-tail around your legs and we fall on the floor." She exemplified by falling backwards on to the pillows, then sat up.

Tannim smiled. "Okay, and then we can kiss some more."

River looked up at him and nodded. "Kissing might be universal as long as people have mouths," she commented. At least she had plenty of experience with kissing, if nothing else. "But does it count as sex?" She frowned thoughtfully. "Or just foreplay?"

"I think it's just kissing," Tannim said.

River shrugged. "So shall we get on to the sex?" she asked. After all, she knew about kissing. She knew nothing of having sex as a snake-person. She'd have to ask Jack later if he'd ever met one.

She gestured towards the magazine. "That was quite educational."

"Right. Sex," Tannim said. He glanced down at the magazine he was still clutching, and he wondered what the snake tail sex felt like. "Oh, did you get a chance to look at it?" he asked, offering her the magazine.

River shook her head. "Not necessary. I think you need to do some tail-tickling." She couldn't help grinning at that, as it seemed quite... sweet.

Not necessary? "Oh my god, have you actually done this?" he blurted out.

"No. But I'm beginning to wish I had," she said, looking completely serious. "I read your mind."

Tannim stared at her. "Seriously?" One of the more... interesting images that his imagination had provided returned to the forefront of his mind. He flailed mentally and tried to push it away. Music! he thought desperately, trying to find a song to replace the very graphic images in his brain.

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals/Let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Yeah, not helping.

River smiled happily. "I think you've got the idea. Use that imagination and we'll manage this assignment perfectly."

Put your hand/Down my pants/And I bet you'll feel nuts

Tannim stared at her, then grabbed his notebook. "I need to go," he said, and fled.

River watched him go, suddenly feeling very much alone. This had actually been fun.

Adventuring Survival Tactics, Period 4, A Classroom, 2/2/07

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