fandomhigh | Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

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retail

Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

Edmund is once again sitting on a stool behind the counter.

"Currying favor. It's a grand tradition. Call the person who curries favor well what you will, sycophant, lacky, brown noser - the fact of the matter is that the person who kisses up to the owner and the customer the best is the one who is going to get the promotions, the raises, and the days off when he or she asks for them."

Edmund stands up and favors the students with a smile that, by now, most recognize bodes ill for someone.

"Today you will break up into pairs and will be competing against your 'partner' for my favor. He or she who wins my favor will receive an All and Sundries gift certificate. How to win? Insult your partner, clean my shop, come up with a way to convince Baldrick to bathe, do something to make me happy. Succeed, and you win riches and possibly early dismissal. Fail, and you will be here for the entirety of today's session and I will send Baldrick to recite the grand tale of his great-grandfather's boil to you - the unexpurgated version."

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"It's for your own good," Willow said.

Baldrick shuffled back to look at the girl and looked a little wide-eyed. "It's for your own good" usually presaged something horrible. Horrible.

"Mr Baldrick," Zack said in tones of utmost gravity. "Baths give you plague. Unless they're from us, and involve cookies, or cake and possibly tea, as well."

Baldrick's eyes got wider and he shook his head quite quickly, sending what one hopes is dandruff flying.

"Right," Willow said. "Because we have, um. Special water. That doesn't carry plague. Unlike the others. Who should possibly invest in a bottled water account, or at least one with a different company."

Baldrick shook his head again, possibly destroying entire louse civilizations in the processs. "Ev'ryone knows it's not the water what gives you plague, Miss."

"Of course it not the water," Zack said, nodding solemnly. "It's the..."

"Dirt's like armor 'gainst plague." Of course.

"Right," Willow said, trying to improvise. "Which is why if the others try to give you a bath, you should say No! No baths for me! Because you're trying to kill me and that's WRONG!"

Baldrick nodded rapidly. "No plague for Mama Baldrick's boy."

"But we," Zack said. "We care about your protective layer of dirt. Which is where the special water and cake come in. The special water binds the plauge-armour qualities of the dirt to your skin, and the cake boosts the power of that armour while we provide you with our special talcum dirt, which has the ability to make you invisble to the plague."

Most of those words went completely over Baldrick's head, leaving him backing away from the pair as the word that penetrated the protective layer of dirt in his ears was water.

"It's a good thing!" Willow assured him.

Baldrick still looked dubious, but stopped backing away. "What kind of cake?"

"What kind of cake would you like?"

"You said it was a special cake," Baldrick said accusingly and started backing up again.

"Cake with the good chocolate," Willow said. "And ice cream."

"With sprinkles?" Best not to think of what Baldrick's idea of sprinkles might be.

Zack hoped that Baldrick was asking because he liked sprinkles. "The sprinkles are what makes it special."

Baldrick grinned and ducked his head a little. "Cake with sprinkles. I'd like that."

"And tea," Willow reminded him. "Cake, tea, no death."

"And tea." Baldrick gave Willow a worried look. "Why did you mention death? The tea isn't going to make me sad, shouty, forgetful, happy, and then die, is it?"

"Not at all," Zack said soothingly. "The tea helps keep the plague at bay. Like liquid dirt for your insides."

The liquid dirt tack seemed to work and the worried look left Baldrick's face.

Willow gave Zack a look, but pressed on. "So, see? No death. Death would be bad. It would make people unhappy and some of might get failing grades, not that we're being graded on this."

[ooc: must go to work, back later, feel free to press on without me in the meanwhile]

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