fandomhigh | Monologuing, Dialoguing, and Out-Quipping the Bad Guy (Workshop #2), Main Campfire, Thursday morning

"Ah, so I see you managed to find your way here. Didn't know you could find your way out of your cabins without a hand-drawn map and a sherpa. We'd better get started, unless I'm moving too quickly for you. Then again, most garden-variety snails are moving too quickly for you lot."

Ivanova grinned.

"Today's lesson, if you knuckleheads haven't realised, is insults. An insult can range from crude 'yo momma' jibes to the artfully constructed and magnificently delivered poison barbs of Shakespeare. He's not just for crusty academics - the man knew how to cut. Insults can be any length - good insults can be a single word, a phrase, a sentence. Hell, a paragraph if you can keep the attention long enough."

She stood and began to pace almost absently, gesturing with one hand as she talked. "Insults are very tricky things. What may be emotionally devastating for one person can be laughable for another. You have to properly gauge the mood of both yourself and the person whom you are insulting. For example, my older brother Ganya was called 'Jewboy' while walking down the street with a group of his friends one summer, and came home laughing about it." She shrugged. "He was called 'Jewboy' by one of his fellow recruits six months later in the heat of an argument and was almost dishonourably discharged for his behaviour.

"Which brings me to my next point. Topics. A working knowledge of your opponent is best, but a simple visual once-over will do in a pinch. The basic insults are on," she ticked them off on her fingers, "Parentage, race, religion, sexual orientation, physical deformities. In some cases, diseases or conditions can also work.

"And now comes the part of class than can be fun if you let it be fun." Ivanova looked serious. "Each and every one of you is not to take a word that is said from this point on seriously. I want no fights or I will beat your skull in myself, understood?" With a glare around, she relented. "Alright, pair up, one insult at a time, don't talk over each other, try to make each other cry. Before you get started or if you need a break from each other, I'm right here."

[[OCD's ~~a-comin'~~ up. Time to unleash your inner schoolyard bullies. I'll be around intermittantly until around 7EST tomorrow, if you need me for something specific ping me on AIM. I know there's 13 of you, but River's out so it all works. I think. Have fun!]]

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~~*snerk*~~

"Hey, I am teaching a valuable life skill here!"

"So are my other courses." Blair lied. "And I get to see you anyways! It's the best of both worlds."

"But you're distracting over here!" Ivanova complained, exaggerated. "I keep getting the feeling that you're laughing at me the whole time."

"Laughing? I would never laugh at you!" Blair giggled. "Tell you what...next week, I'll wear a disguise."

Ivanova laughed. "Because that will be much less distracting." She poked him. "And you're laughing at me right now."

"Just you wait, you won't even notice me next week." Blair grinned and bounced a little. "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. Totally okay in the friend laws."

"Alright, if you insist," Ivanova grinned and chucked him on the shoulder. "And I'll let you get away with that. You can live." She waggled her eyebrows. "For now."

"I'll remember that. If I start thinking about laughing at you I'll think about all the insults you could hurl at me." Blair teased.

Speaking of insults . . .

One hand drifted towards her hair, haphazard curls tumbling loose around her shoulders where they had dried and started to frizz after her shower. "Hey, Blair . . ." she asked uncertainly. "Is there something wrong with my hair?"

Blair tilted his head and looked at her. "Um...not that I can see. Why?"

"No reason," she said, shaking her head quickly. "I'm being ridiculous."

"Iva...Susan." Blair moved to sit closer and smiled gently. "What's up?"

"Nothing, really," Ivanova said with a genuine smile. She waved in the general direction of the campfire. "Two different people said something about my hair. I know I was supposed to be teaching them insults, but really."

Blair slung an arm around her shoulder and grinned. "Your hair is beautiful. Don't worry about what they said, it was just for the class."

Ivanova grinned back, leaning into him. "See? Silly. I'm supposed to be big macho Ivanova, after all."

"You can be big macho Ivanova the rest of the time. With me, you're just my friend." Blair smiled and then bopped her lightly. "Ivanova the big marshmallow."

"Hey!" Ivanova bopped him right back. "You have been paying attention to my workshops, then. You cut right where it hurts."

Blair laughed and ducked. "See, you're a great teacher. With good hair and quippy quips and..."

"Hmmm...I need to pratice my flattery more."

"Sorry, don't think I can help with that," Ivanova laughed. "Compliments aren't in my curriculum."

"I would say that I could learn it in my how to win friends workshop, but Dr. Cox doesn't seem the flattery type." Blair bounced. "He's actually sort of a jerk, but I think it's because he doesn't have enough friends."