fandomhigh | Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

All and Sundries is, frankly, a mess. Baldrick moves quietly through the store sweeping and gathering up debris, but it's fairly obvious that there was some sort of ruckus here recently.

Edmund stands by the cash register waiting for the students to all arrive and sign in. Once they are assembled, he begins.

"Retail is often a demeaning and frustrating occupation. Its rewards are few and sometimes subtle. Being overtly insulting is entertaining, but sometimes, hard on one's bones.

"Better is the pleasure of informing your customer that they are a complete blithering idiot and having them thank you for that privilege.

"Baldrick will now assist me with a demonstration."

Baldrick shuffles forward holding a piece of paper in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. He looked at the paper and read stiltedly, "Good. Afternoon. This," he held up the shopping bag, "Hat. Is too. Small?"

Edmund rolled his eyes at Baldrick's recitation but responded. "You do have a very large skull there, don't you, sir? You hearten men everywhere who have ever heard 'size doesn't matter.'" Then he plastered on a smile that would make small children cry while Baldrick gaped like a dehydrating fish and said, "I will exchange your hat right away."

He shooed Baldrick away and turned back to the class. "Obscure. Possibly obtuse. I have insulted Baldrick and he may have even thought I was complimenting him, but I have amused myself and perhaps compensated for the fact that my employer has told me that I'm fired if he hears one more complaint from a customer about my bad attitude.

"Retail, children, is a war - us against them - clerk against customer. They hold the power of the purse, you hold the power of the cash register, the 'we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone' sign, and the key to the store. Never compromise, and never back down.

"Again, I want you to break down into groups. Two groups of two, one group of three. Practice your veiled insults with each other in a clerk/customer setting. I will assist you with object lessons as you progress."

"Your assignment is to insult at least one person this week and have them not catch it. I expect a complete reporting of that in our next session. Failure may ~~at your mun's discretion~~ be rewarded with detention."

[ooc: Break up, chat, insult each other. I'll be along as soon as I can to have Blackadder deliver his critiques, but I'm on PST, so it will be later in the day for the east coasters.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh yay!" Willow said, taking the Tic Tacs. "Does this mean I win?"

"I think so," Cedric says and shakes his head. "I'm rather bad at that."

"Me too," Willow admitted. "I don't like trying to insult people just to insult them."

"I know nothing of British versus American sucking abilities, by the way," Cedric says. "I'm sure Americans suck as well as the British."

"Well I don't think Oz had any Brits he could compare to but - um. Yeah, so do we switch places now?" Willow asked.

"I believe we do," Cedric says with a nod. He moves from behind the counter and offers the place to Willow.

"Okay, a clerk I shall be," Willow said. She stood behind the counter and tried to assume a know it all attitude.

[ooc: NP!]

"I need service," Cedric snaps and slaps his hand down on the counter. "Immediately."

"I don't believe I heard a 'please'," Willow replied. She pretended to file her nails.

"No, you're right, I didn't say it because I am not pleased to be here. I need new socks right now."

"New socks need love, sir," Willow told him. "How do I know someone as impatient as you will give them the time and quality attention that socks deserve?"

"Because the customer is always right," he replies firmly.

"But you haven't bought anything yet," Willow pointed out. "That means you're not a customer."

"Pfft, semantics." He waves a hand at her. "I'd just like one pair of socks. Just one. Can you manage to do that?"

"Can I?" Willow repeated. She looked smug, folded her arms, and did nothing. "Sure."

"You are being intensely difficult," Cedric snaps. "I want a manager!"

"You first you want socks, then you want a manager," Willow said. "You're never satisfied, are you? Have you considered this may have something to do with your relationship with your parents?"

"How are you invade my personal life!" He slaps the counter again and, ouch, that hurt in a few ways. "You've got quite the mouth on you."

"I'm already seeing someone," Willow replied.

"And I feel terribly sorry for that person," Cedric retorts.

Willow gasped. "At least he's not some kind of sock fetishist! That I know of!"

"That just proves you know nothing of this so called person you are involved with," Cedric says and waggles a finger at her. "Secrets are the root of all evil!"