fandomhigh | Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

The shop is closed for the duration of the workshop and Edmund has assumed without checking that the students would have figured out that they would be going to a retail establishment for a course titled Retail 101.

If they didn't? Well, he's in a good mood, perhaps he'll consider detention rather than making students hose Baldrick down and scrub him off with a broom. Clothed of course - even Edmund wasn't so cruel as to expect anyone to see Baldrick sans trousers.

"My name," he said, "is Edmund Blackadder the Third. This workshop is Retail 101: The Tongue is Mightier than the Sword. If you are not here for this workshop, now would be the time for you to piss off."

Edmund waited for any potential off pissing before continuing. "The key to retail is interacting with customers. But none of this touchy feely 21st century 'the customer is always right' rot. The customer is not only not always right - the customer is quite often completely wrong and stupid as well.

"This workshop is to teach you to deal with those customers without losing your mind - how to put them in their places, how to amuse yourself when you cannot, and how, upon occasion, to do the appropriate kowtowing for a well-heeled, or well-armed client.

"Today, I will be assessing your current skill level. I want each of you to pair up with another student." Edmund smiled the sort of smile you might expect to see in a dark alley on the wrong side of something shiny and very, very sharp. "As we have an odd number of students on the roster, one of you lucky souls will get to pair up with me.

"You will each take a turn behind the register as Clerk, while the other student takes a turn as Customer. Customer, your job is to attempt to pay for your purchase with these," he held up a stack of poker chips. "Clerk, your job is to explain, in whatever manner you find appropriate, that All and Sundries only accepts valid currency."

Edmund stood up and moved aside to allow the first pair to take their turn. "While you are waiting your turn, feel free to get some practice in, chat up the student of the gender of your preference, or familiarize yourself with the store's inventory - there will be a test."

[ooc: No, Edmund won't actually make anyone bathe Baldrick, although volunteers would never be turned away.]

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"What do you mean?" Zack frowned. "Aren't there enough chips?"

"I don't believe we accept chips here, sir." Cedric nods and glances at the chips. "Perhaps another method of payment?"

"What's wrong with my chips?" Zack asked, crossing his arms. "They're worth the price of the goods."

"Perhaps they are," he says, "but we do not accept chips here. Valid currency only. Another method of payment or I can't let you have your purchases."

Zack pointed at the chips. "These fufill nearly all of the criteria to be classed as currency."

"Except for the fact that this is not valid currency," Cedric tells him. "It won't be accepted. I apologize."

Zack glared at Cedric. "I will be writing a strongly worded letter to the management."

Cedric stood his ground. "I invite you to do that, sir. He'll, most likely, point out the error of your ways as I did."

"See if I ever patronise this establishment again," Zack declard before stomping off.

Then stomped back to pick up the poker chips.

Cedric breaks character because he can't hold back his laughter anymore.

"You're a good customer."

Zack grinned back at Cedric. "I did my best."

"Did you want to switch roles?" Cedric asks ~~because I have no idea when you need to crash.~~

"Sure," Zack said ~~because I still have a good few hours.~~.

~~Yay!~~. "All right." Cedric switches places, picking up the chips and taking on the customer role.

Zack stood behind the counter. "Welcome to All and Sundries, how may I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like to purchase ten pounds of cheese," Cedric says.

"Ten pounds? I hope you're not lactose intolerant." Zack raised an eyebrow, before telling Cedric the price.

"I'm not," Cedric says. "I'm just a lover of cheese."

He sets the poker chips on the counter. "That should cover it, I think."

Zack looked at the chips, looked at Cedric, then looked at the chips again. "I'm afraid you might be a little confused."

"No, I don't think so," Cedric tells him. "I'm buying cheese. I'm paying for my cheese. And now I'll take my cheese and go enjoy it."

"Unfortunately, as we are All and Sundries, not," Zack examined a chip. "'Madame Zaronia's House of Fun and Naughtiness', we can't accept these chips as payment for the cheese."

"It's money," Cedric points out testily. "And my cheese will mold if I don't get to my room immediately. Take my money, please."

"I can see why you need so much cheese to go with your whine," Zack said. "This is not money. It can be used to represent money, but only in a licensed gaming establishment, which I assure you, we are not."