fandomhigh | How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #6, Caritas, 06.28.06, Afternoon

"Lounge singing is an important form of entertainment. It's where cheesy singers go to die over the course of forty years," GOB said as soon as everyone was in Caritas. "The great thing about lounge singing is that it doesn't matter what piece of crap music you pick up or what genre it is - rock, rap, country, polka - all you have to do is give it a certain bit of ~~smarm~~ charm and you've got yourself a lounge hit."

"A good lounge performance requires three things: first, a slightly hacky piano player. The drummer from the Zombie Band will be playing piano for us. Second, you need a conversational tone. Talk to the people in the audience between lines in the song. Maybe joke and laugh a little. Show as much charm as you can, even if it is greasy. Third, you need a drink in whatever hand you're not holding the microphone in. Getting sloshed helps with the charm thing."

"After today, you'll all be prepared to sing in crap restaurants that think they're better than they are, wedding receptions, and airports. Let's have some fun."

[OOC: Going up now before sleep for I am awake and stuff. Even though I may not sound it. Students get one free drink in the sign up thread. The bar is closed aside from that. No second helpings.]

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John takes the stage and tells the zombie drummer what to play.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Cause I've been blastin and laughing so long that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

"And, you know, when your momma thinks you're insane? That's pretty damn bad. Let's give it up for all the momma's in the house!"

But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you talking, and where you walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk

"I just hope it's pastel chalk!" John laughs and takes a sip of his milkshake. "White chalk makes my ass look big. Let's give it up for all the big assed people in the room!"

I really hate to trip, but I gotta loc
As they croak I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
On my knees in the night
Sayin' prayers in the street light

"Praying in the street light? Come on, go inside where the light's better! Let's give it up for all the people who are going to make themselves go blind and have to get lasik laser vision surgery!"

John drinks the milkshake again and there's now a milkshake moustache on his face.

Been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
Been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise

"Hey, it's better than spending all their time in Montana! Say hello to the cows for me! Let's give it up for all the cows in the room and I don't mean girls who might be cows but I didn't say that so don't kill me!"

Look at the situation, they got me facin
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the strife
So I gotta be down with the hood team
Too much television watchin' got me chasin dreams

"Yeah, but Bob Barker kicks ass so there's no way I'm turning off the television. Let's give it up for Bob Barker!"

They been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
They been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise

"This is paradise right here, folks! Audience paradise! I love you all and will give you my phone number! Except the cows."

And, for the grand finale, John dumps the milkshake over his head before taking a seat.

"Now that's how you do lounge music!" GOB said. "Robert Goulet would cry manly tears at that."

"Thanks!" John wipes milkshake out of his eyes and walks happily off stage.

How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #6, Caritas, 06.28.06, Afternoon

Re: The Stage [WS6]

Re: The Stage [WS6]

Re: The Stage [WS6]