fandomhigh | How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #6, Caritas, 06.28.06, Afternoon

"Lounge singing is an important form of entertainment. It's where cheesy singers go to die over the course of forty years," GOB said as soon as everyone was in Caritas. "The great thing about lounge singing is that it doesn't matter what piece of crap music you pick up or what genre it is - rock, rap, country, polka - all you have to do is give it a certain bit of ~~smarm~~ charm and you've got yourself a lounge hit."

"A good lounge performance requires three things: first, a slightly hacky piano player. The drummer from the Zombie Band will be playing piano for us. Second, you need a conversational tone. Talk to the people in the audience between lines in the song. Maybe joke and laugh a little. Show as much charm as you can, even if it is greasy. Third, you need a drink in whatever hand you're not holding the microphone in. Getting sloshed helps with the charm thing."

"After today, you'll all be prepared to sing in crap restaurants that think they're better than they are, wedding receptions, and airports. Let's have some fun."

[OOC: Going up now before sleep for I am awake and stuff. Even though I may not sound it. Students get one free drink in the sign up thread. The bar is closed aside from that. No second helpings.]

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Joxer whispers to the zombie pianist before he takes the stage.

The glass of water firmly in one hand, he starts his song.

Billy solves his problems by calling up his mom "Isn't that polite of him?"
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol "Bad Heather. Bad."
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law Joxer shrugs.
But Malcolm has his own way and it's better than them all "You see where I'm going he-- Oh crap."

"Suck in that gut, project, put a little life into it!" Dead Joxer critiqued. "Do me proud, or else!"

Joxer gulped, but continued his song.

'Cause
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw "That's right!"
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw "How sweet."
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw "I'm not even sure what a chainsaw is."
and he never has the same problem twice. "But it sure seems effective, doesn't it?" Joxer glared out at Dead Joxer.

Dead Joxer was giving Joxer a half-hearted golf clap.

Whether it's a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that's second rate "Like you!" Joxer said, pointing out at Dead Joxer.
Awful TV programs or a broken Elvis plate
Or his fiancee who dumps him because he's gaining weight "Also like you!" Joxer shouted, with another point.

Dead Joxer pointed to himself and gave an innocent 'Who, me?' look.

Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw "You heard me."
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw "You know it."
Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
and he never has the same problem twice.

"That's right, and it goes."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh

"Problem solved." Joxer pointed back out at Dead Joxer. "Got the idea, you old has-been? Leave me alone!"

Dead Joxer laughed. And stepped to the side.

To reveal he'd been standing in front of GOB the whole time.

"Oh, crap," Joxer said, as he face fell.

"Have fun on Saturday, Jockstrap," GOB said.

Joxer facepalmed.

"Sorry sir," he said, before walking off the stage, his head hung in defeat.

How to Be an Entertainer Workshop #6, Caritas, 06.28.06, Afternoon

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