fandomhigh | Treat Yourself, Thursday, Period 2

~~Handwavy~~ messages had gone out during the week once again informing students that today's class had a massage component and suggested people wear clothing that they would be comfortable getting a massage in, whether that was stripping down to their undergarments, bathing suits, or wearing some kind of thin, base layer that a masseuse could work through, or but reminding people that because this was a class, some kind of clothing did need to be worn. Additionally, it suggested giving some thought to any instructions that they should pass along to their masseuse, providing examples such as: places to focus on, places to avoid, preferred amounts of pressure, scents or textures to avoid, etc. And, lastly, it contained a reminder that an alternate exercise was available for those who wished to forego the massage, but asked that those who were hesitant to undergo a new experience to at least try it, before reiterating that anyone who chose to skip it were free to do so, with no questions asked.

On the day of class, they once more met up at Theodoric's, though when they entered, they were shown into a small waiting area, full of plush sofas and chairs, soft instrumental music playing in the background, and cups of cucumber water for them to drink. Liliana was already lounging on a low couch with a glass of water when they entered. "Well, today's discussion is going to be much abbreviated in order to give us a nice forty-five minutes for a massage before our time together ends. Now, massage is an activity that fits quite nicely under self-care, since there are a number of reputable studies out there that highlights the numerous health benefits that regular massages provide, both for treating existing ailments and preventing new ones, as well as a way to manage both chronic and acute pain without needing to rely on painkillers. However, many people do not see receiving regular massages as self-care, even in the face of various conditions massage has proven to be effective in treating, and instead see it as a form of self-indulgence. Why do you think that is? How do you feel about it? Are you aware of the health benefits? Do you not see that as enough of a benefit to make a massage a regular thing to incorporate into your self-care routine?"

Once that discussion had petered out, Liliana brought up another. "Another aspect above and beyond the medical benefits mentioned previously is that of touch. Most sapient species require some amount of touch for their own emotional and physical well-being, though the amount required and preferred differs widely between individuals, of course. However, when people lack the amount touch they need for an extended period of time, they begin to exhibit symptoms of touch-starvation, also known as touch-deprivation or skin hunger. It can cause or exacerbate anxiety, depression, anger, stress, as well as make sleeping difficult, increasing fatigue, raising cortisol levels. Being touch-starved has a negative effect on cognitive and emotional development in children and can also lead to premature death amongst the elderly. Yet many people are resistant to the idea of physical touch being a necessity, even while suffering from the lack of it in their own lives--it's possible that over half the people on this plane are touch deprived to some extent."

A truly appalling number.

"To be clear, I'm not talking about the touch-averse, though there are overlapping reasons. One of the reasons that people are often so reticent to contemplate the possibility of skin hunger is because it is, almost definitionally, something that relies on someone else. There are, of course, possible options to soothe touch deprivation without actually touching other people, including weighted blankets, long showers, and the affection of pets, but while those help, they are not as effective as the simple act of touching and being touched by another person. But, in many societies and cultures, wanting physical comfort is seen as a sign of immaturity, with adults withdrawing forms of physical affection as their children age. People see touching - or even wanting to be touched as rude, intrusive, uncomfortable, or somehow a sign of weakness. It is true that as we age, consent for touch becomes more and more necessary as well as learning what kinds of touch are appropriate in what circumstances and locations, but that doesn't mean we can or should eschew it entirely."

The staff at Lukes might sometimes wish that Liliana remembered bounds of propriety more often on Tuesday, but Liliana didn't particularly concern herself with that.

"However, like self-indulgence, the desire for touch has earned a stigma as being superfluous or shameful, something to feel guilty over, like you're admitting you're weak or soft or spoiled. In addition to our internal views, the desire for touch carries its own vulnerabilities; it requires us to trust our bodies to another and it is an infuriating fact of life that many people have been taught the lesson that doing so is dangerous. Even if it does not include actual physical danger - which it absolutely may - opening ourselves to trust can run the risk of boundary violation, even in the most unintentional or even well-meaning ways, like the expectation of hugging or kissing one's family members one does not want to hug or kiss. And, because many cultures reserve physical touch between adults to those who are in a sexual or romantic relationship, engaging in physical touch may be interpreted by others as a desire to begin such a relationship, even when no such desire is present, which can lead to negative outcomes as well. So, while physical touch is important mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, the attempt to fulfill that desire may also be detrimental to ones' own mental, emotional, or physical well-being.

"And so many people find themselves in something of a catch-22; wanting and needing that touch from others, not wanting to admit that there is something that they need from someone else and many people are raised with the concept that absolute self-reliance is the ideal to strive towards, and all the while being wary of the dangers inherent in obtaining that touch. There are, of course, ways to work around this; the most effective - though I do not say easiest - is to find a person or persons that you trust and care about who are not generally touch-averse, or, at least, do not seem to be with you, and having an open and honest conversation about consent for touch and touching, as well as physical and emotional boundaries around what kind of touching is allowed and welcome. Even just sitting close enough to someone that your sides touch, or engaging in hugs that last ten seconds or longer can soothe some of that skin hunger. There are programs that look for volunteers to come interact with elderly, infant, and other infirm people to make sure they are getting enough touch, which also will help you in that capacity as well. And then we have massage, a supposed 'self-indulgence,' that puts you in the position of being touched by a professional, in the exact manner of your choosing. As we've discussed before, indulgence is the opposite of deprivation, so it might certainly feel like indulgence after so long of not being touched at all, but once your needs have become properly regulated, it will start to feel like what it really ought to be - maintenance for your continued well-being...aka, self-care."

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Liliana nodded. "A perpetual issue," she agreed. "Making something accessible to as many people as possible, while also ensuring that the other party is compensated fairly for their time, skill, and effort."

A thought she'd come back to later at the museum with Summer.

"Would you be more inclined to pursue massages if they were priced more affordably?"

"Possibly," Nell said. "Though at the moment it's not something I need to look here for."

Treat Yourself, Thursday, Period 2

Re: Discussion One: Massage and Indulgence

Re: Discussion One: Massage and Indulgence