fandomhigh | Treat Yourself, Thursday, Period 2

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self-care

Treat Yourself, Thursday, Period 2

~~Handwavy~~ messages had gone out during the week once again informing students that today's class had a massage component and suggested people wear clothing that they would be comfortable getting a massage in, whether that was stripping down to their undergarments, bathing suits, or wearing some kind of thin, base layer that a masseuse could work through, or but reminding people that because this was a class, some kind of clothing did need to be worn. Additionally, it suggested giving some thought to any instructions that they should pass along to their masseuse, providing examples such as: places to focus on, places to avoid, preferred amounts of pressure, scents or textures to avoid, etc. And, lastly, it contained a reminder that an alternate exercise was available for those who wished to forego the massage, but asked that those who were hesitant to undergo a new experience to at least try it, before reiterating that anyone who chose to skip it were free to do so, with no questions asked.

On the day of class, they once more met up at Theodoric's, though when they entered, they were shown into a small waiting area, full of plush sofas and chairs, soft instrumental music playing in the background, and cups of cucumber water for them to drink. Liliana was already lounging on a low couch with a glass of water when they entered. "Well, today's discussion is going to be much abbreviated in order to give us a nice forty-five minutes for a massage before our time together ends. Now, massage is an activity that fits quite nicely under self-care, since there are a number of reputable studies out there that highlights the numerous health benefits that regular massages provide, both for treating existing ailments and preventing new ones, as well as a way to manage both chronic and acute pain without needing to rely on painkillers. However, many people do not see receiving regular massages as self-care, even in the face of various conditions massage has proven to be effective in treating, and instead see it as a form of self-indulgence. Why do you think that is? How do you feel about it? Are you aware of the health benefits? Do you not see that as enough of a benefit to make a massage a regular thing to incorporate into your self-care routine?"

Once that discussion had petered out, Liliana brought up another. "Another aspect above and beyond the medical benefits mentioned previously is that of touch. Most sapient species require some amount of touch for their own emotional and physical well-being, though the amount required and preferred differs widely between individuals, of course. However, when people lack the amount touch they need for an extended period of time, they begin to exhibit symptoms of touch-starvation, also known as touch-deprivation or skin hunger. It can cause or exacerbate anxiety, depression, anger, stress, as well as make sleeping difficult, increasing fatigue, raising cortisol levels. Being touch-starved has a negative effect on cognitive and emotional development in children and can also lead to premature death amongst the elderly. Yet many people are resistant to the idea of physical touch being a necessity, even while suffering from the lack of it in their own lives--it's possible that over half the people on this plane are touch deprived to some extent."

A truly appalling number.

"To be clear, I'm not talking about the touch-averse, though there are overlapping reasons. One of the reasons that people are often so reticent to contemplate the possibility of skin hunger is because it is, almost definitionally, something that relies on someone else. There are, of course, possible options to soothe touch deprivation without actually touching other people, including weighted blankets, long showers, and the affection of pets, but while those help, they are not as effective as the simple act of touching and being touched by another person. But, in many societies and cultures, wanting physical comfort is seen as a sign of immaturity, with adults withdrawing forms of physical affection as their children age. People see touching - or even wanting to be touched as rude, intrusive, uncomfortable, or somehow a sign of weakness. It is true that as we age, consent for touch becomes more and more necessary as well as learning what kinds of touch are appropriate in what circumstances and locations, but that doesn't mean we can or should eschew it entirely."

The staff at Lukes might sometimes wish that Liliana remembered bounds of propriety more often on Tuesday, but Liliana didn't particularly concern herself with that.

"However, like self-indulgence, the desire for touch has earned a stigma as being superfluous or shameful, something to feel guilty over, like you're admitting you're weak or soft or spoiled. In addition to our internal views, the desire for touch carries its own vulnerabilities; it requires us to trust our bodies to another and it is an infuriating fact of life that many people have been taught the lesson that doing so is dangerous. Even if it does not include actual physical danger - which it absolutely may - opening ourselves to trust can run the risk of boundary violation, even in the most unintentional or even well-meaning ways, like the expectation of hugging or kissing one's family members one does not want to hug or kiss. And, because many cultures reserve physical touch between adults to those who are in a sexual or romantic relationship, engaging in physical touch may be interpreted by others as a desire to begin such a relationship, even when no such desire is present, which can lead to negative outcomes as well. So, while physical touch is important mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, the attempt to fulfill that desire may also be detrimental to ones' own mental, emotional, or physical well-being.

"And so many people find themselves in something of a catch-22; wanting and needing that touch from others, not wanting to admit that there is something that they need from someone else and many people are raised with the concept that absolute self-reliance is the ideal to strive towards, and all the while being wary of the dangers inherent in obtaining that touch. There are, of course, ways to work around this; the most effective - though I do not say easiest - is to find a person or persons that you trust and care about who are not generally touch-averse, or, at least, do not seem to be with you, and having an open and honest conversation about consent for touch and touching, as well as physical and emotional boundaries around what kind of touching is allowed and welcome. Even just sitting close enough to someone that your sides touch, or engaging in hugs that last ten seconds or longer can soothe some of that skin hunger. There are programs that look for volunteers to come interact with elderly, infant, and other infirm people to make sure they are getting enough touch, which also will help you in that capacity as well. And then we have massage, a supposed 'self-indulgence,' that puts you in the position of being touched by a professional, in the exact manner of your choosing. As we've discussed before, indulgence is the opposite of deprivation, so it might certainly feel like indulgence after so long of not being touched at all, but once your needs have become properly regulated, it will start to feel like what it really ought to be - maintenance for your continued well-being...aka, self-care."

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Touching me, touchin' you

(Bonus points if your icon is neither kissy nor fighting)

Ignis Scientia

Nell Ingram

Charlie Gale

Margo Hanson

Jonathan Sims

Cal Kestis

Liliana, obviously, had never been touch-starved in her whole life, not even one time, and this is only a problem for you lot to concern yourself with.

Was Jon fidgeting listening to this? Absolutely. Was he going to acknowledge it? Absolutely not.

"Now, massage is an activity that fits quite nicely under self-care, since there are a number of reputable studies out there that highlights the numerous health benefits that regular massages provide, both for treating existing ailments and preventing new ones, as well as a way to manage both chronic and acute pain without needing to rely on painkillers. However, many people do not see receiving regular massages as self-care, even in the face of various conditions massage has proven to be effective in treating, and instead see it as a form of self-indulgence. Why do you think that is? How do you feel about it? Are you aware of the health benefits? Do you not see that as enough of a benefit to make a massage a regular thing to incorporate into your self-care routine?"

"I think a good part of it is the expense," Nell said. "Massages can be pricey and it can be hard to spend your hard earned money on that instead of more necessary things."

Back home Nell barely made enough money to keep body and soul together, so even if she'd cared to indulge it would have been a true hardship.

Liliana nodded. "A perpetual issue," she agreed. "Making something accessible to as many people as possible, while also ensuring that the other party is compensated fairly for their time, skill, and effort."

A thought she'd come back to later at the museum with Summer.

"Would you be more inclined to pursue massages if they were priced more affordably?"

"Possibly," Nell said. "Though at the moment it's not something I need to look here for."

Despite himself, Ignis has to smile, faintly and a bit bittersweet, at a long-past memory of their arrival at Galdin Quay, and how even after convincing Noct of the benefits of availing themselves to their well-renowned masseuses, he could barely manage to handle more than just a few seconds of it, claiming ticklishness, although, really...

Mmm. Bittersweet, indeed. He shook his head slightly from the memory.

"If one considers their body a well-used corporeal tool," he finally offered, "as I most certainly do, then maintenance is essential to it. When works that tool as hard as one might, a massage can be an excellent form of maintenance. And, just as food and sleep and hydration are important to keep those tools in good working shape, we can always meet the bare minimum requirements, or, when we have the chance to elevate our experience, I believe we should take it."

There were so many comments Liliana could make in response to that, but was eschewing most of them for being highly inappropriate for the class. Gold star for Lili.

"Why do you think more people don't share your opinion on the necessity of massages?" she asked instead, because she was a responsible professor. Any smirks she might or might be wearing were completely unrelated.

"Er...I think as Nell said, the cost is...well, it can be prohibitive," Jon said. "And it's time when you're not doing anything, so it's not...not productive. Also I think we've discussed some of my issues with it, so. It's not something I've sought out for myself."

"Have you ever been touch-starved? Would you say you are now? Are you now or did you then take steps to fix it, or just attempted to white-knuckle your way through? Do you even recognize skin hunger as an actual issue? Do you notice a difference in your mood or behavior when you've gone without being touched for awhile? How about when you are able to be touched again? What are your personal views about touch and who engages in it? Has that changed over time?"

You know the drill, answer any of these questions and Liliana will ask you any number more, though your I Don't Wanna Talk About This Out Loud notebook is ever an acceptable alternative to answering aloud.

Nell was not going to talk about this. Not in front of everyone else, though she'd be happy to talk to Liliana another time.

Oh, now, this one was certainly going to be an interesting one to discuss now, wasn't it? Ignis was almost tempted to commit his thoughts to paper for the propriety of it alone, but, really, now, he doubted anyone would be particularly shocked or scandalized by what he'd be saying and any implications therein.

And, perhaps, he also recognized that having the structure of a class built around it did, in fact, make it easier to give himself license to actually talk about these sorts of things.

"I certainly wouldn't call myself touch-averse," he offered thoughtfully, "but there was a good deal of time where keeping a distance was considered far more...prudent. Of course, my relationship with touch in general has changed dramatically since losing my vision, as it is now one of the primary ways in which I now see and understand the world, but even before then, there was certainly a time when I didn't quite comprehend just how...important physical touch with another person could be. And I've since realized that, for me, once that box has been open, it's a rather difficult one to have to close back up again."

And despite a concentrated effort to at least try to keep this all quite pragmatic, surely no one could blame him too harshly for the upward curve of his lips at the end there, especially considering certain messages recently delivered to his inbox.

There was no way that Liliana couldn't touch him after that, though she managed to avoid touching his face because of class, her hand slid into his.

"And have you noticed a change in your mood? Outlook? Overall well-being?" she asked, giving him a melting smile.

Charlie had also never been touch starved in her entire life. Not ever. Nor would she ever be.

"Haven't been and don't intend to be," Charlie said cheerfully. "But I imagine it would be a pretty unpleasant experience and I'd feel very relieved and grateful to be touched again."

"I, um." Jon laughed ruefully. "Likely a good portion of the English are. I'm not exactly sure what's considered a healthy amount of touch."

All his life, is what he was saying.

"What's your baseline, darling?" Liliana asked. "I can assure you that it's supposed to be higher than zero."

"I have a cat," Jon offered.

Yep, this was a personal attack and Cal wasn't falling for it. He was just going to sit quietly like he got touched all the time.

Liliana was going to look at him and raise a slight eyebrow. She wasn't going to force him to say anything, but she also wasn't going to buy it for half a minute.

There are a number of different types of massage you can choose from, depending on your level of comfort with massage and what kind of massage you think you will best benefit from.

For those people who are not inclined to accept a massage from a person, there are both wet and dry hydromassage options available. Or you can choose to leave class early.

Any preferences communicated to Liliana before class have already been passed along to specific masseuses that she will discreetly guide people to. Also, people have the option of a single room to receive your massage privately, a double room, in case people wanted to get massaged in pairs, and a group room, in case you would rather have several other people around while you're getting your massage on.

As Ignis had mentioned earlier, his body was a well-used tool. Even beyond the physical duress he put it under on a daily basis, he also had a natural habit of carrying himself in a very tense, tightly sprung fashion, so this massage was something he had been looking forward to immensely.

Liliana, of course, knew all these things about him very well, so he expected her to not at all be surprised by any ensuing grunts or sounds that might also escape with the loosening of those muscles, and he refused to be held even remotely accountable for any of them, thank you.

The masseuse would be receiving a substantial tip for their troubles, however.

Look, while Liliana did her very best to help Ignis relax and unwind as frequently as possible, there were some things that were better supplemented by professionals.

If nothing else, they had warmer hands than she did--not that Ignis generally complained about the chill of her touch when she was offering him a massage anyway.

Charlie was going to enjoy the most decadent massage they offered and enjoy it completely. And potentially hook up with one or more of the masseuses at a later date.

No hitting on the masseuses in class, Charlie. They're at work.

Oh, she'd totally wait till later.

Jon would have preferred the group room, rather than being alone with the masseuse. But he wasn't sure if his scars might upset people. So he'd be dithering a little, trying to decide.

"Would you feel more comfortable leaving the door open?" Liliana asked.

"Er...well, maybe." Jon sighed. "I don't know if my scars will be off-putting," he confessed.

Jon, they'd probably have their eyes closed.

You're absolutely going to have to wait until class is over because the only reason she'll be leaving her massage early is in the case of a legitimate emergency.

And now I want a massage. Dammit, I do this to me.

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Treat Yourself, Thursday, Period 2

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Listen to the Lecture

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Discussion One: Massage and Indulgence

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Discussion Two: Physical Touch

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Massages

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Talk to Liliana

OOC