fandomhigh | Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

"Okay so, romance is really complicated," Navaan said once she got around to starting class, whenever that turned out to be. "Like, waaaaaay more complicated than sex. Even flang! So, like, the smart thing to do would be to stop worrying about romance and just go for sex, but most of you have that shiny virgin thing going on so that's probably a non-starter." She sighed. "Anyway, how do I know romance is more complicated than sex? Well, for one thing, I'm smart. I'm both a doctor AND a romance novelist-slash-smut peddler, so I know what I'm about. But also, love has different languages. Sex doesn't! You don't even need to speak the same language to have sex! But 'love'--" and yes, she was doing finger quotes there "--apparently needs five and if you don't speak the same one your partner or -ners do, your relationship is horribly doomed and you'll die alone forever."

A beat.

"Also not a problem with sex, I'm just saying."

You know, in case anyone was missing the point that sex was better than romance any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

"So anyway, the five love languages are Gift-Giving, for when you or your person are spoiled rotten; Physical Touch, for all you horndogs out there; Acts of Service, for all you kinky horndogs, Words of Affirmation, for you dirty-talkers and people with praise kinks particularly, and...the other one." Which she couldn't be bothered to remember because it hadn't been sexy enough.

"So we're gonna spend the rest of the workshop talking about these languages so all you little kinksters can figure out what floats your boat so that if you one day decide to actually put some effort into your relationship, you might actually not flame out horribly and embarrass yourself so badly that your shame will follow you for forever. That happens sometimes. I've seen it."

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"Bestiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!" Navaan cried, as he really should have guessed she would. "I missed you last week! We were making seduction outfits and it would have been nice to see you when you made even a little bit of an effort." She gestured at his depression robes. And also the rest of him. "And, eyyyyy...kinky bitch, huh? I pretty much knew it. Are you the giv-er? Or the giv-ee?"

"I was a cat last week," Anakin said, "so I wasn't wearing any clothing."

Anakin. Anakin, why would you say it like that.

Navaan's smile was probably making him think the same thing.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally?"

You did this to you, Anakin.

"Even Ahsoka wouldn't push it by putting me in an outfit," Anakin decided.

"But you like it when people do things for you that they don't wanna," Navaan pointed out. "So was this cat thing a way to test your relationship?"

"I didn't turn into a cat on purpose!" Anakin protested.

"You just happened to turn into a creature who got snuggled and complimented and petted in a way you can't get in your own life, while making people do things for you so you know you're loved?" Navaan asked, looking Quite Skeptical.

Well, put like that it seemed quite suspicious. "I didn't choose to be a cat!" Anakin protested anyway.

Did, perhaps, it seem suspicious because it was suspicious?

"Sometimes we're too afraid to admit things to ourselves," Navaan agreed. "Well. I'm not. But you are."

"I'm very in tune with myself," Anakin told her, which was true when adjusted for his Skywalkerness.

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Is that what the kids are calling what?" Anakin. Why do you set yourself up to be traumatized like this?

Oh, right, a lifetime of bad choices!

Her hand gesture was eloquent.

"Ew," Anakin said, just as eloquently.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, bestie," Navaan said, rolling her eyes. "You got like forty-eleven kids but okay."

"Only four," Anakin said. "And some grandchildren. And Rey. And Cade. And Ben's three."

You were not changing her mind, bestie.

"But sure. 'Ew.' You can keep lying to yourself and living in shame of your natural needs and wants, bestie, but you can't lie to me."

"I've never tried to," Anakin said. Mostly on account of being too confused to try, but details!

"Because you save all your dishonesty for looking inwards."

Anakin snorted. "I don't."

"Uh-huh." There he went, doing it again.

Romancing For Dummies, Period 1

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