Doctoring 101, Friday, Period 1

[doesdoctorstuff]

Their teacher had met them in town at Portalocity today, after leaving long, rambling, probably inappropriate messages telling them where to go. "Let's go!" she said, slightly muffled under her heavy cloak and plague doctor gear. "No classroom today, folks! We're going on an adventure! Rule number one of being a doctor: always be ready for adventure!"

You might have thought that the first rule of a doctor was something else, perhaps along the lines of 'do no harm,' but you would be wrong. And that was why Navaan was teaching this course and you weren't.

"Portals can take us to lots of places," Navaan chatted as they walked. "Which is great, because we need to go somewhere else than this island. I totally tried to stock the pond in the park, but all the stupid birds ate my precious babies, so we're off to somewhere we can get them instead!" She paused and looked at her assembled class. "Hmm. Maybe I should have told you to wear ratty clothes. And waders. Maybe some waterproof boots." And then she shrugged, merrily putting it out of her mind. "Oh well. Too late now. Hope no one's wearing anything nice, because here's our portal!"

Their portal delivered them right in the middle of a swamp. The lucky students exited onto the strip of dry land. Any unlucky ones (and Navaan herself) landed directly in the bog, sinking to roughly knee-height in the dark water. It was night there, the sky dark and cloudy, with a lot of dead trees reaching up towards it. The air was hot and thick and mosquitos buzzed loudly. In the distance was a stone building, where the words 'I AM A DOCTOR' were painted on the front. You smart ones might be able to guess whose house that was, though whether she was the owner in the strictest sense of the word was up for question.

"Okay!" Navaan said, peeling off her cloak and facemask. Underneath, she was wearing thick, water-proof pants and rubber boots, and seemed to be completely unfazed by where she was standing. The rest of you could start making your way towards land now--though be careful not to knock over any of the line of fishing poles that were set up. "So, the smarter kids in the class already remember this, but not all of you struck me as that when we talked last week, so I'm gonna say it again. The most important tool in your doctor bag - and you'd all better have your doctor bags, you're studying to be doctors, you need to be responsible - is leeches. Are leeches. Is is 'is' cause 'tool' is singular? Heh, tool. Or is it plural, cause leeches are? Never mind. I'll visit a wordsmith later to find out. Anyway, leeches are super-useful and important, and no doctor should ever be without them!"

Navaan pulled her jar of leeches out of her bag and showed them off to her students, smiling proudly. There were five or six leeches in there and the jar was half-full of pinkish-gray water. On the bottom there were chunks of--something--that the students would probably prefer not to think about too closely. Too bad. This was your lesson today, kids. "Lotsa cool things you can do with leeches," she explained, opening the jar and taking one out. It was about six inches long and glistened wetly on her gloves as it started to slowly move about. "These suckers are great for medicine. They secrete anti-coagulants, which means that wherever you stick 'em'll keep bleeding. The blood keeps pumping which'll help keep fingers and stuff from falling off after you reattach 'em. Their drool is filled with all kinds of useful stuff, including an anesthetic and anti-inflammatory enzymes. They're awesome that way. Also, cause they fill up with blood in about twenty minutes, they make great snacks."

Ha ha. That was a...joke? Maybe?

"So today, you're gonna get to know your new best friend, the leech. We're gonna start with how to catch them, then how to take care of them, and then how to use them. You ready?"

Probably not. That wasn't going to stop her.

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[doesdoctorstuff]

Landing in a swamp!

Listen to the Lecture

[doesdoctorstuff]

...Some of the things she was saying actually sounded...medical? But were you paying attention to that or mourning your clothing?

Activity 1: The Hunt For Leeches

[doesdoctorstuff]

"Hunting for leeches is easy," Navaan assured them, wearing a 'trust me, I'm a doctor' smile. "All you need is a jar, a lamp, and a ham. And, I guess, I fishing line. And you may not need a lamp if you're leech-hunting in the daylight. Like I said, I tend to explode, so I don't do that much."

Goddamn sunlight.

"Anyway, it's easy enough for even the slowest of you to handle," she continued, and if her eyes lingered on certain of you, well, it was because she thought you were dumb. "Take a nice raw chunk of meat, the bloodier the better. Seriously, you want it dripping before you get it into the water. Now fasten it to your line, you don't want it going anywhere. Once the meat is secure, drop it in leech-infested water and then come back in a few hours." She lifted her fishing rod out and lo, there were several black, wriggling leeches on the surface. "Then you pluck 'em off, shove them in your prepared jar, and you're good!"

Activity 2: Caring for Leeches

[doesdoctorstuff]

Once everyone's jars were prepared and decorated appropriately, Navaan gathered all the students around her again. Removing the giant leech from her hand, she passed it a random student. "This is a leech," she said, in case it wasn't abundantly clear yet. "They're soft and squishy cause they don't have any bones. They're pretty chewy, but not crunchy. They feed off of blood, but a little goes a long way. You pretty much only have to feed them once every week or so. Toss something good and bloody in there and they'll take care of themselves. You can't just add blood to the water. They need something nice and meaty to latch their little teeth onto. After they've gorged themselves, they'll fall off. That usually takes about twenty minutes of straight feeding. You might wanna keep a few a little on the hungry side in case you need them for medical purposes, so if you're smart, you'll pull them out of the jar, let them feed separately, then pull 'em off in about ten minutes and toss 'em back into the jar to digest."

She gave an encouraging smile at whoever was holding the leech. "Now, pass Waldorf around and get a good feel for him. And make sure not to get any salt on him. It burns the poor babies. But, yeah, pass it around and make sure everyone gets a turn!"

She paused, certain there was something else she wanted to say. "Oh yeah! Read this!" She pulled a slightly soggy sheaf of papers out from her doctor bag. These smelled less like swamp-water and more like chemicals. Enjoy! "It's about how to use leeches for healing and stuff. That's important."

[First link contains images of real leeches. Feel free to ignore. Second link is an image-free page about using leeches in medicine.]

Activity 3: Welcoming Your New Friend

[doesdoctorstuff]

By the time the other activities were done, it was just about time to harvest the leeches. Navaan had the students go back to their fishing rods, pull up the meat, separate the leeches, and then place them in their decorated jars.

And now you have leeches to bring home with you, yay! Navaan will make sure that no one is 'forgetful' and leaves their leeches behind when the portal arrives, though whatever you do after you're back on the island is up to you.

...She thinks you should keep them. Name them. Love them. Use them. Eat them.

[One picture of a leech at the top of the page]

Talk to Navaan

[doesdoctorstuff]

She really is eating leeches. If you watch her, she's casually dip her hand into the water near her rod, the come up with a wriggling leech which she'll pop into her mouth and chew.

Mmmm. Blood.

OOC

[doesdoctorstuff]

I now know more about leeches than I ever wanted to. THANKS, NAVAAN.