fandomhigh | Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day

"You're the only one I know of," Raiden said, "and I haven't seen you around before, so I bet you are the one I'm looking for. Hi! I'm Raiden!" He gave a little wave, then almost offered his hand to shake, but thought better of it considering all the stuff Senshi was carrying. "Welcome to Fandom! The school assigned me to help you settle in. Do you need help with all that?"

Edited 2024-05-11 14:21 (UTC)

"The school? Huh?" He looked around. "I don't really know what you mean. I just discovered this new level a few minutes ago. Certainly didn't know there was a school here."

Were some of these Tall-Men children, then? He wasn't good at telling ages, especially for the short-lived races.

"Level? What..." Wait. He didn't know about the school, when he was about to start teaching at it, so..."Oh, you're one of those new guys! Okay, so, I don't know anything about 'levels,' but you're not where you were before. You're on an island. It's called Fandom, and it's off the coast of Maryland, which is part of the United States of America. On Earth, in the mortal realm. Is any of this ringing a bell?"

Senshi looked up (and up and up) at Raiden not blinking for a long moment.

"...Nope."

Would bending down to more of Senshi's level be polite, or would it be patronizing? Raiden didn't know, so he didn't do it. Sorry about that oncoming crick in your neck, Senshi. "Oh, boy. Okay, so, uh...well, all of that, but also, this island is a sort of...crossing point between universes. So sometimes people come here on purpose, like I did, but also sometimes they just sort of...end up here without meaning to. Which is I think maybe what might have happened to you?"

Except for that the school had known he was coming. Raiden would get to that part.

Marcille with her understanding of different dimensions via her study of ancient magic would have understood that explanation. Senshi didn't know either her or ancient magic (yet) and didn't know what a universe was to boot.

Look, his childhood had had tragedy, not book learning, okay?

"Some kind of...dungeon crossroads?" was the best he was getting out of that, which at least was some kind of understanding, at least.

Raiden might have noticed by now that even when he spoke, neither his helmet or his mustache moved. Nothing magic about it, just weird.

Raiden had seen weirder. "Uh, no, we're not in a dungeon. We're outside, see?" He pointed up. "That's the sky." Dungeons were usually underground, in his experience.

Senshi shrugged. "So does the second floor," he pointed out, which almost certainly meant nothing to Raiden. "I think I've heard some dungeon scholars say it used to the top of the castle. Got trees and towers all over, connected by rope bridges."

But was also the second level of a fully subterranean dungeon. It was all very normal, Raiden.

Raiden was trying really hard to wrap his head around all of this, but alas, he was not Daman, who was nerd enough that he might have been able to grasp the situation here. He grasped around until he got to, "So is it like a demon realm...?" They were underground, sort of, but also in another plane of existence altogether.

No, okay, all right, he was never gonna get it and he accepted that about himself. Moving along. "Anyway, you're not there any more. You're here." There, that settled it, right?

Oh Raiden, you were closer than you might expect, but those were late-manga spoilers and he was still pre-canon.

And, honestly, it settled it enough for Senshi, too. He was a simple dwarf and thinking about this too much would just give him a headache.

"Now I'm here, and here is...all those words you said a few minutes ago." He absolutely did not remember them. "And one of those things was a school?"

"Yes!" Raiden exclaimed. "So, there's a school here. Uh, a university, and a little bit a high school. It's a whole thing, don't worry about it. And I guess you're on their books as a teacher? You'll want to check with the moose about that. But they assigned me as your 'teaching buddy,' even though I don't really think of myself as a teacher at all. I just do classes sometimes because somebody's gotta teach these people how not to starve to death." Not everyone could get away with eating junk all the time like Raiden, after all.

Look, you'd lost him again, Raiden. Granted, it was hard to tell since most of his expressions looked the same, especially in the helmet, but he was definitely very confused.

"Why would I...?" Was the Lunatic Magician behind all of this? "What am I supposed to be teaching?"

...Start with the basic questions, then work your way up to the esoteric. Doin' great, buddy.

"I don't know," Raiden admitted. "Like I said, you'll have to ask the moose. Uh, he's a...large ungulate that works in the office. Can't miss him. But at a guess, I'd say something you're good at? Like I teach food classes. Cooking and pizza appreciation and whatnot." And you also seemed to have some cooking accoutrements there?

He did! Including an adamantine cooking pot and a mithril knife! If he'd had a family anymore, they probably would have been furious at what he'd done to their priceless heirlooms, but as far as Senshi was concerned, they were the best choice he'd ever made.

"I...do like cookin'," he admitted. "Especially teachin' young adventurers to cook and take care of themselves in the dungeon. I bet the resurrectionists wouldn't have half the work they do if more folks gave as much thought to their nutrition as they did to their weapons."

His choices were totally valid! Raiden had more than once tried to convince Lazarus that he needed celestial steel kitchen knives, but Lazarus was no fun whatsoever. "There you go! I bet you're teaching a cooking class. You're right, more of these kids need to know how to properly feed themselves."

This Lazarus was wrong and should be informed about that at every opportunity. Raiden definitely needed celestial steel kitchen knives.

"Hmmm." Senshi pondered this. "All this knowin' in advance and settin' up classes before I even get here...give it to me straight. Is this a magic school?"

"I wouldn't say it's exactly a magic school?" Raiden hedged. "There are magic classes and stuff, but not all of the students take them. But there's a lot of magic around here, yeah. You get used to it, assuming you're not already. Sometimes weird things do happen, though." Besides people unwittingly showing up and finding out they already had jobs.

Senshi's nose wrinkled. "Don't like magic," he said flatly. "Is anybody gonna use it on me? Or expect me to use it?"

"I don't know why anybody would expect you to use magic if you didn't already," Raiden said, "and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't use magic on you without your permission. If they do they're assholes and that's probably assault, you could tell the cops. Uh, but sometimes magic stuff just...happens. Like people turn into animals for a little while, or something. For no reason."

Senshi looked more and more dour. Probably the work of the Lunatic Magician. On the other hand, he had lived in the dungeon for over a decade and hadn't run afoul of the Lunatic Magician yet, so it might not actually be a concern for him.

"Cops are like guardsmen?" Senshi asked. "All right. Oh, the most important question. What kind of monsters are on this level?" Sorry, Raiden, but it was going to take awhile to convince Senshi this wasn't part of a dungeon. He was very stubborn and set in his ways about things.

"Monsters? You missed the thing where the artwork came to life, we had some really good monsters around then, but usually not many I think? There's some rare wildlife in the Preserve, but apparently it's 'federally protected' and I'm 'not allowed to cook it.'" Yes, he did air quotes, and yes, he sounded a little put out about it.

"But--but--" Senshi also looked upset. "Good and careful hunting actually keeps monster populations at a healthy rate, so long as the ecological balance is respected."

How was he supposed to get meat now, Raiden?

"Yeah, I know, but they're 'endangered' or whatever." Frankly, Raiden thought the porgs at least were way too numerous for that, and also that God should not have put him on the same island as a porg if He didn't want Raiden to find out what it tasted like rotisseried. But that was beside the point.

"Wait a minute," he said as all the talk of dungeons shook something loose in his brain. "I think you are teaching a cooking class! And I think I might be taking it?" He'd have to check. His memory really was terrible.

Whatever happened to 'be gay, do crimes'? You know, crimes like hunting federally-protected animals just to see what they tasted like when prepared in a variety of ways? AND IF THAT WERE WRONG, DID THEY TRULY WISH TO BE RIGHT?

They may take our lives, Raiden, but they'll never take....OUR TASTEBUDS.

"Are you at least allowed to forage around here?" Senshi asked, looking decidedly not pleased. "And...is there a butcher about that I should know about so I know where to get meat?"

Raiden understood the importance of conservation and all that--if they ate all of the delicious animals there would be no more delicious animals to eat, blah blah blah, but really, if they didn't want to be eaten they shouldn't have been so delicious. It was just sound logic.

"Oh, sure," he said. "I don't think there are any rules against foraging in the preserve, and--we don't have a dedicated grocery store, but the general store has pretty much what you need, or you can go shopping over on the mainland. There's not a general butcher, either, but there is a pork store." For some reason.

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