fandomhigh | 20th Century Food Crimes, Cont. - Friday 7/28

"Between my love for a theme and the general ephemeral nature of time and its passage," said Summer, which was a hell of a way to start a class about gross food, "we almost got out of July without being able to do this, but the timing has smiled in my favor and before we move onto August," HOW??, "we've got just enough July left to do ourselves a nice little Christmas in July! Because there are some holiday themed recipes that are just too good to just pass up merely because it's not December.”

“I’ve never had a second one Christmas before,” Stark said. “But I like the idea.” Although now he was wondering if he ought to have purchased gifts. Or made cookies.

"Because I haven't gotten to the recipes yet. Such as our Frosty the SLAW Man--introduce a new man into your life, indeed!"

"I don't think this is sort of man anyone in here needs in their life," Stark said. “I don’t need that sort of man in my life.” He didn’t think Summer did either but he wasn’t going to say that out loud.

"Or," Summer continued, relentless in her questionable holiday cheer, "we can make the classic fruitcake even worse by including tomato soup! Tomato is technically a fruit, after all!

"And surely," Summer, finally, reached her conclusion, "the thing you think of when you hear the words hot avocado pie is 'yule delight'! Because that's exactly what we've got in a 'poinsettia pie' recipe, as well."

“I thought those were poisonous plants,” Stark said suspiciously. “Aren’t they meant to be poisonous? We’re not really eating them, are we?” No, Stark and also they aren’t really toxic anyway.

"No, we're not," Summer assured him and everyone else. "No actual poinsettias were used in this recipe. So why is it called that? Who knows! But what I do know is that you can thank me now," Summer nodded decisively, "for all the rave reviews these are sure to get you come actual Christmastime."

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"Stark." Summer was giving him such a withering look, but she suspected half the reason he'd even asked a question like that was exactly to get a withering look. "Where's the horrible culinary crime in that? When's the last time you ever truly felt victimized by a cookie?"

"I usually only feel victimized by a lack of cookies," Stark said after a pause. "Actual cookies are usually at worst just disappointing."

Stark, why would you say something so dangerous to Summer of all people?

Because he was, demonstrably, a glutton for torture.

"See?" Summer gave a victorious nod. "I don't build classes on 'just disappointing' food. I build classes on foods that will give you nightmares."

Only very specific sorts of torture!

"You don't give me nightmares," Stark pointed out. "I sleep better when you're there."

Oh no, he'd gone all earnest.

And at lightning fast speed, too, which meant that Summer was just going to lift her eyebrows at Stark for a moment before she responded.

"Then maybe," she proposed, "I should be trying harder."

"Maybe," Stark allowed. "You aren't planning on anything truly terribly for your baby party later, are you?"

"Some of the jello shots have little creepy plastic babies on them," said Summer, "but that's honestly the worst thing. It's going to be a very classy baby shower."

Creepy plastic babies notwithstanding.

"I can still help you carrying things over, or setting up, if you like," Stark said. "And maybe you can tell me about it later?"

Bring him creepy baby jello that hadn't melted in this absurd heat?

"There is still a lot to set up before everything gets started," Summer admitted, "so a little extra help will definitely be welcome. I have a bunch of tables to set up, and the tent for Annie and Diego, but the wait staff I hired are showing up a little early to assist with some of it, too."

Because if Summer had the opportunity to also have a bunch of hunky shirtless dudes who were going to serve food and drinks and fan people down also put together seashell arrangements and, erm, pitch tents...she was definitely going to take that opportunity, thanks.

"I'm happy to help you. Just tell me what you need me to do. I didn't realize you'd hired people. How big is your baby party going to be?"

Stark, this was a party for twins that belonged to Summer's best friend. It was going to be enormous. Obviously.

"Oh, you know," Summer shrugged nonchalantly. "Not very, I mean, it's just this little thing."

Oh, how soon such lies would be revealed.

"Summer."

There were so many ways Stark could say her name and so many meanings behind it. This one was very much 'you are ridiculous and I love that.'

"I don't believe you. At all."

"Whaaaaaat?" asked Summer, feigning shock and offense. "How could you say that! It totally is! I even only made three jello shots! Just three!"

"That doesn't sound like you at all," Stark told her, grinning. "What else have you planned instead?"

"Just cake and other snacks and an assortment of drinks," Summer insisted. "Typical party stuff."

A pause, a shrug.

"Served by a bunch of hot dudes without shirts from another dimension."

LIKE YOU DO.

Stark paused.

"Oh. Really? Is it a dimension without any shirts at all?"

"No," Summer shook her head. "The dimension definitely has shirts, but they also have cat cafes staffed entirely by shirtless hunks that only serves pancakes."

A beat.

"The food," she felt compelled to clarify, "not my cat."

"Pancakes would probably appreciate an entire cafe that was dedicated to serving her every need," Stark said.

"Though I'm not sure the lack of shirts would impress her much."

"Don't say that too loudly," Summer snorted, "you might start giving her ideas. And the shirtlessness wouldn't be for her, anyway. My appreciation of it will definitely more than make up for her lack thereof."

"Am I overdressed?" Stark asked mildly.

Not at all jealously, of course. Not even a little. That would be too serious.

20th Century Food Crimes, Cont. - Friday 7/28 - Period 1

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