fandomhigh | Intro to Fandom; Monday, First Period [09/12].

On the board of the classroom that morning was a map of Fandom, with a big yellow star marking the location of the radio station, and several large pictures of various squirrels in hats with little notebooks and pencils in their paws (and one porg intern). On the desk at the front of the classroom, a few tiny bottles of liquor were lined up. And if you couldn't figure out what the topic of today's class would be with all of that, then someone (perhaps even your teachers here in this classroom right now) had failed you, and it was time to remedy that failure.

"Some of you may have noticed," Summer started, wielding a pointer stick almost like a weapon as it went smashing down on one of the pictures, "these guys all around the island, and they were definitely in your field guide for the scavenger hunt last week, but we need to talk about them a little more. These, you see, are radio squirrels."

“They’re mostly harmless,” Stark said, eyeing the stick in Summer’s hand a little warily. “Irritating, of course, especially when they drag you out of bed. Or when they neglect to tell anyone they saw you being kidnapped and held in a bunker.” Not that Stark was bitter. Really.

“That probably won’t happen to you,” he added after a moment. “The raccoons only bother me usually and I’m sure all of you will be fine but the squirrels bother everyone. Unfortunately."

"But," he continued, waving his hand toward the tiny bottles on the desk, "you can bribe them if you need to."

"It also helps," Summer added with a grin, "if you get in good with the people who do the reports, too. They can easily skip over things the squirrels write down, after all."

"There are plenty of things I don't say or loud that they've written down," Stark agreed. "I wouldn't want everything said about me. I don't want everything said about me." The squirrels certainly didn't need to report on, say, any vibes between any co-teachers.

"Hell," said Summer with a snort, "even I don't want everything said about me on radio."

Especially not any vibes. Ones that were totally not even there, anyway.

"That said," she continued, "in this classroom right now, as we speak, there are absolutely radio squirrels. And they are very good at hiding. And they are probably sneakily writing down outrageous things about you that aren't even true," such as vibes existing!, "that they fully plan on including in the report tomorrow morning. Your mission, if you choose to accept it," hey, she was absolutely not going to judge anyone who thrived off outrageous rumors, she got that, totally, "is to find them, and either bribe them or convince them to stop the presses and not print these baseless lies. Or make friends with them, as well as one can make friends with a radio squirrel."

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"Goose is...a mystery," Stark said, unable to come up with a better word.

"Hopefully this week won't be so horrible."

"Goose," Summer stated, and look who was being just a little too serious now "was never properly socialized outside of a toxic environment that emphasized extremes, and so he never really learned about limitations, and so outside of a firm hand of guidance, he's like a loose cannon. That's why he and Ignis worked so well together, even though, on the surface, it might not make a whole lot of sense, but since he had to go and get portal blocked and is probably dead now, he's like a wild horse with his reins flapping behind him in the wind....

"Anyway," she continued, cheerfully, a beat later, "this week'll be great, I'm taking inspiration from a different participant this time!"

Didn't that just make you feel so much better and soothe all your worries, Stark?

Stark blinked a few times, feeling like he'd just learned more about Goose than he had the entire time he'd known him. He nodded.

"I don't know much about him." Other than he had appalling tastes in food and drink and sometimes.

Summer really had missed her calling. Some people got paid to psychoanalize their friends in this much detail!

"He's just very..." Now, suddenly, it seemed Summer was going to mince words. "Enthusiastic. Just....don't ever get into a spaceship with him behind the wheel, if you can help it."

Because Summer cared about you, Stark. And your well-being.

"I wasn't planning on it. I don't get in many spaceships at all, usually."

"Going to help Rey wasn't usual," he said, in case that wasn't obvious.

He'd much rather get in a ship with Summer, anyway.

It was all because she had that sweet new disco ball in the back now, wasn't it?

"Well," Summer said with a smile, "going to help Rey is a good exception. Even if you did get shot."

Dot. Dot. Dot.

"A little."

The disco ball was clearly the only reason Stark would want a trip in Summer's ship. Clearly.

"Even if I got shot a little," Stark agreed, looking a little sheepish. "It's much better."

What other reasons could there even possibly be?

"I would hope so!" Summer remarked. "If it wasn't by now. I'm pretty sure that something was seriously wrong with it."

There were no other reasons. Certainly nothing to do with vibes. Or feelings.

"Will did a good job patching it up," Stark said. There might be a scar? But chicks (and pretty firefighters?) dig scars, right? And he had plenty of those already.

Intro to Fandom; Monday, First Period [09/12].

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