Relationship Skills, Friday Period 3

[tellmehowstuffworks]

The alert amongst the workshop attendees might notice that they had half as much teacher this week. Spoiler alert: it was the mean one.

"Jaskier could not be with us this week, as he is monstrously hungover and-slash-or struggling to write his next quote-unquote 'masterpiece,'" Yennefer said, with finger quotes. "Possibly both. His voicemail was a bit vague, but he did," she would begrudgingly allow, "tell me. Which neatly ties in with the subject of the day: communication. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. If the way your best beloved lets the dishes pile up in the sink drives you crazy, you have to tell them that so they'll know they need to do better, otherwise resentment will build up and eventually you'll just explode and have a giant, possibly relationship-ending fight. Over dishes you don't even have to haul water in from a well to wash. Or, if you tell them and they continue the behavior, that tells you something about them as well, doesn't it?" Yennefer paused for a moment, and then said in a surprisingly impassioned outburst, "Or, if you use a wish from a djinn to bind someone to you through destiny, you should really tell them that from the outset so that they're not left wondering if how they feel about you is real or magical manipulation years into your relationship, whilst standing on top of a mountain next to a dead dragon," Geralt.

She paused again, composed herself, and said, "So: communication. Several of you have indicated this is an area you struggle with. The internet offers several helpful tips about communication, one of the most common being to phrase things as 'I' statements about how the issue at hand impacts you, rather than 'you' accusations such as, 'You left the damn dishes in the sink again.' This is supposed to help the other party understand your point of view or...something like that." Yennefer had gotten bored at that point.

"We were going to pair you up to practice this, but wouldn't you know it, that was Jaskier's job, so instead I want you to think about an issue that you've had either in your current relationship or a previous one, and try framing it as an 'I' statement rather than centering it on the other party. Hmm? Let's begin."

Comments

Sign In

[tellmehowstuffworks]

As yourself.

Re: Sign In

[good_for_six]

Isabela

Re: Sign In

[mother_love]

Billy Coen

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[kawaii_complex]

Sakaki

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[hasaknightjob]

Marc Spector (in his own handwriting this time)

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[mylandmyrules]

Nell Ingram

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[misshapen_spark]

Yang Xiao Long

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[noonedecidesmyfate]

Belle

During the Lecture

[tellmehowstuffworks]

That example was a bit specific, Yennefer.

Do the Exercise!

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"Remember, phrase your complaints as, 'It makes me feel extremely annoyed when you do this extremely annoying thing," or similar."

That was how it worked, right?

Re: Do the Exercise!

[mother_love]

Billy thought for a moment, not quite sure how this approach would change anything... But he gave it a go anyways.

"I feel annoyed and angered when people use and manipulate others for their selfish gains." Ya know like framing someone for war crimes, that sort of thing.

That was how it worked right?

Re: Do the Exercise!

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"Mm," Yennefer said. "It's a good start, but a bit vague. People who are manipulating others for selfish reasons rarely believe that's what they're doing--and if they do, they don't care, in which case you're not going to make much headway anyway. So you need to use specifics of what they did that was manipulative and selfish."

For example, her ex would swear himself blue that he'd magically bound Yennefer to him and never told her about it solely for the selfless reason of saving her life. Load of bollocks, that.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[kawaii_complex]

At first, the very specific example definitely threw Sakaki, and then she was thrown a little further by the realization that this was a tricky one because she'd never been in a relationship. Unless you counted friendships, but she really didn't have any issues with her friends. The only thing she really had issues with was her relationship...

....with cats.

She blinked, straightening with the inspiration.

"I feel..." she started, carefully, trying to think of the best way to put it, "...hurt" that word worked on so many levels in this case! "....when you don't let me show you love or affection...."

Re: Do the Exercise!

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"Very good!" Yennefer approved.

Unfortunately, the cats were unlikely to care.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[hasaknightjob]

Marc felt communication was a waste of everyone's time. Which he demonstrated by sitting there and drinking his coffee instead of saying anything.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[mylandmyrules]

Nell's lips quirked in a smile and she took a piece of paper from her notebook, wrote on it for a minute, then slid it to Marc.

Inside it read: I feel that somebody might say you weren't truly getting into the spirit of this class.

Then she just sat there very quietly and innocently as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[hasaknightjob]

Marc stared at that for a long moment because, for the record, he was 37 years old and therefore more than beyond the age when passing notes in class should be a thing. Therefore this did not amuse him at all. Seriously. Put the thought out of your mind.

He leaned over and helped himself to Nell's pen without asking - since he didn't have anything of his own to write with - and wrote down Eyes on your own paper before sliding the pen and the note back to her.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[mylandmyrules]

Nell definitely did not chuckle under her breath when she got his note. Not even a tiny bit.

She wrote another note - her handwriting was remarkably neat, by the way - and sent it back over to him.

Oh my, was this a test and someone forgot to tell me? Besides, your eyes were on my paper.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[hasaknightjob]

Again he stole her pen to write back, You started it.

His handwriting was passable. Not sloppy, but nothing to (heh) write home about either.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[mylandmyrules]

She wrote and handed it back.

Yes, but how do you FEEL about it?

Re: Do the Exercise!

[mylandmyrules]

"I feel angry when people try to control my life," Nell said. She didn't have to think much on that one, though the people she would technically be supposed to tell it to wouldn't give a flying fig.

Re: Do the Exercise!

[misshapen_spark]

"I feel hurt when people don't make the effort to reach out to me, after they find out I got almost-murdered and lost my arm, or they act like I'm fragile," Yang deadpanned, her natural and artificial arms both crossed over her chest. "It makes me feel broken and unwanted."

Was she talking about Blake or Prompto? Who knows?

(Both. The answer was 'Both.')

Re: Do the Exercise!

[noonedecidesmyfate]

"I feel frustrated," Belle began, "when someone tries to control my actions."

Talk to Yennefer

[tellmehowstuffworks]

She might be working on a rather scathing list of 'I' statements for the next time she saw Geralt of Rivia.

OOC

[tellmehowstuffworks]

This week has been rough, y'all.