Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [06/03].

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Morning, everyone," Summer said, with a faint grin and a nod of her head as she leaned against the station at the front of the class, idly tossing a banana between her hands or just up in the air a little while she waited for everyone to get settled. And once everyone did, she tossed the banana just a little bit higher, caught it, and held it up.

"Today, I want to talk about this guy," she explained. "The banana. One of the most popular fruits in the entire world, known for its versatility, its potassium, and its tendency to collect in a withered brown frozen state in the back of many a freezer, because you were definitely going to make banana bread out of that, really, don't throw it away, you'll get to it tomorrow!

"For the most part, there are few people who find a banana objectionable. Exceptions doubtless exist, but it's a pretty run-of-the-mill, average-joe kind of fruit. Good on its own, or you can slice it up into cereal. It's great in baked goods, yogurt, plays well with other fruits. An all-around good guy, as far as fruits go. Which makes some of the things people have done to this tried and true fruit all the more horrible when you get right down to it. The banana did nothing to deserve this.

"Well," she amended, "you could go into the long and storied history of colonial exploitation, slave labor, unsafe farming conditions, or the absurd amount of genetic mutations, pesticides, and other chemicals that go into the crop, but that's not the bananas' fault.

"And I don't know who exactly to blame for what we're about to witness here today, but that's what we're here to maybe find out. Bear in mind, once upon a time, I actually did a whole workshop like this focused specifically on bananas, so this is just the worst of the worst here, but that's an astonishingly amount of terrible banana-related food crimes out there.

"Today, we're going to talk about four specific ones, though: the classic Ham and Banana Hollandaise, the lesser-known and shockingly lazy banana and shrimp salad and its friend the banana sardine boat, and, of course, the banana candle salad, which is less offensive from a flavor perspective and entirely about the aesthetics of it all."

If you didn't see what she meant immediately, then it was going to be very awkward explaining it to you.

Comments

Sign In - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Like this shit is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Re: Sign In - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[flamesburned]

Liz Sherman

Re: Sign In - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[notagoose]

Shane Gooseman

Re: Sign In - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[guillermothegreat]

Guillermo de la Cruz

Listen to the Lecture - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

As always, in addition to introducing you all to these fine dishes, Summer will be going over a little bit on how they're made, in case any of you felt so inclined to recreate this in your own home kitchens.

Hers shouldn't be the only kitchen in which such atrocities are created, okay?

Re: Listen to the Lecture - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[flamesburned]

Despite the burst of energy she had had yesterday, with trying to arrange things for her move, Liz was feeling rather tired that morning since she hadn’t slept at all last night and was having trouble focusing today.

She tried to pay attention to class but was barely hearing any of the lecture.

Re: Listen to the Lecture - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[stykera]

Stark shook his head at the first few dishes, wondering why anyone would do any of those things.

Then he got a good look at the candle salad and his eye widened. "That's..." He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or ensure he didn't make eye contact with anyone or both. "That can't have been an accident. Could it?"

Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Come on up, try some terrible banana-related culinary decisions, and decide if they're really as bad as all that, or if fish and bananas are really something that should be embraced after all.

There's really no excuse for those candles, though.

And this was coming from a woman who once served jello shots out of penis-shaped syringes. But there is a time and a place for these things, people!

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[flamesburned]

Liz was starting to think that turning up to class may not have been the best option since she was feeling so tired and lethargic. She stared at the options that she could try and while she did normally at least attempt to try what Summer made for the class, the thought of eating anything right now didn’t sit well her, “I don’t think I can try this,” she admitted rather apologetically, after several minutes of trying to force herself to pick something but she couldn't.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Sampling is always optional," Summer assured Liz, though she was giving her a concerned, worried sort of look, head tilted, with a small frown. She definitely didn't want to point out that she was looking a little rough right there in class, but at the same time...

"You doing okay?" she asked. "There's not....bad news or anything, is there?"

She knew with things like these, it could all pretty much change in a heartbeat, and now she was worried that something big might have happened.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[flamesburned]

“I … no I mean I didn’t hear bad news, I still haven’t heard anything,” Liz said quietly, she shook her head, “I don’t know … I just feel tired,” she admitted, “I didn’t sleep last night,” 
there was a pause, "I ...I don't know what's wrong, I mean aside from worrying about Prompto I mean,"

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[notagoose]

There was another person in class today who hadn't slept, albeit for very different reasons but Goose was wide awake and full of energy thanks to the several cups of coffee that he had been having to keep him awake the last two days, because that was the last time he had slept.

So it was really no surprise when Goose very enthusiastically came up to try the dishes, "these are all great, I especially like the fish and banana," he decided.

Was anyone really surprised at this point though?

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Goose and Liz might be worried about their significant others being unreachable and potentially dead at any moment off on some other world or whatever, but excuse Summer a moment to have feelings for the tragedy that was not being able to text Ignis with the words that had just come out of Goose's mouth for the pure fact that she hoped they made him weep.

She wasn't going to say anything about that desire, though, of course, but she was going to shake her head at Goose and declare, "One day. One day, I will find something that absolutely disgusts you. But I'll admit, this is still amateur hour. I'm going to have to try a lot harder than fish and bananas."

...sorry, everyone else in this class!

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[notagoose]

Goose actually managed to laugh at that, "Well, I look forward to when that day comes, especially to see what you manage to find," he told her with a grin and he did mean that to.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[guillermothegreat]

Guillermo was very concerned about some of these dishes and tentatively tried them and then realised he was right to be concerned, "oh, ham and banana hollandaise do not go together," Guillermo shivered as he tried the dish.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Any thoughts or speculations," Summer prompted, because this was supposed to be the point of the class, not just grossing everyone out, really, "as to why, then, people of the past seemed to think otherwise?"

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[guillermothegreat]

Guillermo considered, looking at the dishes again and then back up at Summer, “erm …I want to say it’s because they didn’t know any better but that’s probably not a very a good reason,” he thought about it further, “maybe they thought a banana made the dish healthy?” He tried.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[napking]

"Oh, hey," Gray said, eyeing the candle salad. "I remember this one." He and his brothers might have had a candle salad eating contest once upon a time. "...are we supposed to eat it in public?"

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

"It's probably not recommended," said Summer, "but I don't think anyone will stop you."

Even if maybe they should, this was (allegedly) a classroom.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[napking]

"You have to be really careful of the toothpick," Gray told her solemnly. "One of my brothers got stabbed in the soft palate."

Listen, if there was another way to eat that he didn't know what it was.

"Sorry for missing class last week. I was having a bad Sloth day. Uh, I don't know if the office moose told you about my curse-slash-sleeping disorder."

Talk to the Teacher - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

She's honestly a little astonished that there are so many bad banana recipes out there that it was difficult to choose a mere top four.

OOC - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Re: OOC - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[napking]

This one's European.

Re: OOC - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[somethingwithturquoise]

OhmyGOD, how did Dylan Hollis doing the candle salad slip UNDER MY RADAR?

Re: OOC - Ancient Food Crimes, 06/03.

[napking]

It is one of my favorite videos ever.