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fandomhigh2021-06-01 06:14 am
but_mostly_america) wrote in fandomhigh2021-06-01 06:14 am
Entry tags:
Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 6/1, 4th Period]
As was his habit, Sam was positioned behind the podium in the classroom, waiting for class to begin. The flag behind him was definitely larger this week.
At precisely the scheduled time he began to speak. “Good morning, students! Today we will be discussing a very important topic. Flags! There will be a quiz!” There would not be a quiz. Sam was a Muppet. Something would happen to prevent his plans. Something always did. Often that something was Beaker.
“So I, Sam Eagle, proudly present A Salute to All Flags but Mostly America’s!” Sam gestured with one wing to the overly large flag behind him on the wall before turning to face it with a wing held to his chest. “The Stars and Stripes! The Star-Spangled Banner!” Where was that music coming from? “The epitome of national flags.”
He turned back to face the students and picked up a projector remote. Of course there was a projector. He needed it so there it was. That was how props worked!
“Of course, the American flag is superior, being American. Our nearest neighbors’ flags cannot compare. Have you seen Canada’s flag?” The flag currently being projected on the screen. “It has only two colors and a picture of a leaf. Absurd! Mexico does much better! Mexico’s flag has more colors and an eagle! A golden eagle, not be mistaken for the more majestic and superior American bald eagle.”
“But enough about other countries! Let us discuss state flags!” Sam hit a button to begin a Powerpoint presentation, in alphabetical order, on the state flags.
“Alabama is a questionable choice. They should choose a new flag! Alaska has a constellation, too reminiscent of astrology.” Sam, no it was not. “Arizona has orange on top of red and yellow. Very poor use of color! Arkansas has helpfully added their name on their flag! And they only used red, white, and blue for colors. Then we have,” Sam sighed, “California. California has a bear on their flag. I have worked with bears! Bears do not deserve to be on flags! Colorado ruined their flag with the use of yellow in addition to the three proper colors. Connecticut has plants. Plants!” Sam shook his head sadly.
“Delaware’s design is lacking but it celebrates liberty and independence! Florida has a very similar design to Alabama, but with a seal. Not the animal. Thankfully. Still questionable Georgia chose to add yellow, unfortunately, but they do have the words ‘wisdom, justice, and moderation’ all very important concepts! Hawaii has stripes in red, white, and blue and then, for some reason, a tiny replica of the British flag. How could they! I do not care for Idaho’s flag. Illinois has a majestic bald eagle! An excellent choice. Indiana is another blue and gold choice. Much like this school. Hmmm. Iowa chose the correct colors, an eagle, and it celebrates liberty! Kansas is fine. I suppose. If you like that sort of thing. Now what even is happening with the Kentucky flag? I certainly do not know! Louisiana has a pelican on their flag. Never go there. Ridiculous birds, pelicans. Very untrustworthy!” No, Sam would not be discussing this further.
“Maine has a moose. I have been informed we do not disparage moose at this school or there may be disastrous results so I shall say nothing more. Maryland I have no words for. I find it weird. Massachusetts has a disembodied arm holding a sword! This seems very inappropriate! Michigan has an eagle! Very good. And a moose, which I shall not speak of. Minnesota has a very busy flag. Mississippi, a state with far too many double letters, has a magnolia blossom. I suppose that is fine. Missouri has more bears. Bears! Honestly! Montana is, again, fine, I suppose. I have no real objections other than it should include an eagle! Nebraska’s flag celebrates equality, very noble of them! Alas, it is not aesthetically pleasing. Nevada has far too much negative space! New Hampshire has a tall ship! Very historical and a tiny American flag is represented! New Jersey has a horse head. I do not approve of that. I do approve of the words ‘liberty’ and ‘prosperity’ being displayed! New Mexico, despite using red and yellow, is somehow pleasing to the eye! I will allow it. New York is another state proudly displaying an eagle along with justice! An excellent flag. North Carolina is yet another flag that would be better without yellow. North Dakota has yet another bald eagle! Ohio...Ohio, why is your flag that shape? It is ridiculous. Oklahoma’s flag celebrates Native Americans, which is very good. There should be more of that! Oregon would be better with white than yellow but at least there is an eagle! Although the reverse has a beaver and I cannot say I approve of that.” What did Sam have against beavers? He would not be elaborating further on that, either.
“Now Pennsylvania is another fine flag. Eagles and virtue. I do enjoy virtuousness! And also liberty and independence. Rhode Island is very nautical! Despite not being an actual island. I enjoy the color scheme of South Carolina. South Dakota, despite a questionable color scheme, celebrates Mount Rushmore which celebrates some of our greatest presidents! I cannot disagree with that! Tennessee is fine, I suppose. No objections there! Texas is much the same. Utah is another state with an eagle and echoes of the American flag. Wonderful! Vermont’s deer head is somewhat disturbing. However, they make up for it with the words freedom and unity. What is happening on Virginia’s flag. Washington has yet another unfortunate color scheme but it celebrates our wonderful first president, George Washington. West Virginia is too floral! Wisconsin has some decent elements! Unfortunately. Not all of them. And finally, Wyoming! Excellent colors, and the buffalo is a noble animal!”
“That concludes my lecture!”
Was anyone still awake?
At precisely the scheduled time he began to speak. “Good morning, students! Today we will be discussing a very important topic. Flags! There will be a quiz!” There would not be a quiz. Sam was a Muppet. Something would happen to prevent his plans. Something always did. Often that something was Beaker.
“So I, Sam Eagle, proudly present A Salute to All Flags but Mostly America’s!” Sam gestured with one wing to the overly large flag behind him on the wall before turning to face it with a wing held to his chest. “The Stars and Stripes! The Star-Spangled Banner!” Where was that music coming from? “The epitome of national flags.”
He turned back to face the students and picked up a projector remote. Of course there was a projector. He needed it so there it was. That was how props worked!
“Of course, the American flag is superior, being American. Our nearest neighbors’ flags cannot compare. Have you seen Canada’s flag?” The flag currently being projected on the screen. “It has only two colors and a picture of a leaf. Absurd! Mexico does much better! Mexico’s flag has more colors and an eagle! A golden eagle, not be mistaken for the more majestic and superior American bald eagle.”
“But enough about other countries! Let us discuss state flags!” Sam hit a button to begin a Powerpoint presentation, in alphabetical order, on the state flags.
“Alabama is a questionable choice. They should choose a new flag! Alaska has a constellation, too reminiscent of astrology.” Sam, no it was not. “Arizona has orange on top of red and yellow. Very poor use of color! Arkansas has helpfully added their name on their flag! And they only used red, white, and blue for colors. Then we have,” Sam sighed, “California. California has a bear on their flag. I have worked with bears! Bears do not deserve to be on flags! Colorado ruined their flag with the use of yellow in addition to the three proper colors. Connecticut has plants. Plants!” Sam shook his head sadly.
“Delaware’s design is lacking but it celebrates liberty and independence! Florida has a very similar design to Alabama, but with a seal. Not the animal. Thankfully. Still questionable Georgia chose to add yellow, unfortunately, but they do have the words ‘wisdom, justice, and moderation’ all very important concepts! Hawaii has stripes in red, white, and blue and then, for some reason, a tiny replica of the British flag. How could they! I do not care for Idaho’s flag. Illinois has a majestic bald eagle! An excellent choice. Indiana is another blue and gold choice. Much like this school. Hmmm. Iowa chose the correct colors, an eagle, and it celebrates liberty! Kansas is fine. I suppose. If you like that sort of thing. Now what even is happening with the Kentucky flag? I certainly do not know! Louisiana has a pelican on their flag. Never go there. Ridiculous birds, pelicans. Very untrustworthy!” No, Sam would not be discussing this further.
“Maine has a moose. I have been informed we do not disparage moose at this school or there may be disastrous results so I shall say nothing more. Maryland I have no words for. I find it weird. Massachusetts has a disembodied arm holding a sword! This seems very inappropriate! Michigan has an eagle! Very good. And a moose, which I shall not speak of. Minnesota has a very busy flag. Mississippi, a state with far too many double letters, has a magnolia blossom. I suppose that is fine. Missouri has more bears. Bears! Honestly! Montana is, again, fine, I suppose. I have no real objections other than it should include an eagle! Nebraska’s flag celebrates equality, very noble of them! Alas, it is not aesthetically pleasing. Nevada has far too much negative space! New Hampshire has a tall ship! Very historical and a tiny American flag is represented! New Jersey has a horse head. I do not approve of that. I do approve of the words ‘liberty’ and ‘prosperity’ being displayed! New Mexico, despite using red and yellow, is somehow pleasing to the eye! I will allow it. New York is another state proudly displaying an eagle along with justice! An excellent flag. North Carolina is yet another flag that would be better without yellow. North Dakota has yet another bald eagle! Ohio...Ohio, why is your flag that shape? It is ridiculous. Oklahoma’s flag celebrates Native Americans, which is very good. There should be more of that! Oregon would be better with white than yellow but at least there is an eagle! Although the reverse has a beaver and I cannot say I approve of that.” What did Sam have against beavers? He would not be elaborating further on that, either.
“Now Pennsylvania is another fine flag. Eagles and virtue. I do enjoy virtuousness! And also liberty and independence. Rhode Island is very nautical! Despite not being an actual island. I enjoy the color scheme of South Carolina. South Dakota, despite a questionable color scheme, celebrates Mount Rushmore which celebrates some of our greatest presidents! I cannot disagree with that! Tennessee is fine, I suppose. No objections there! Texas is much the same. Utah is another state with an eagle and echoes of the American flag. Wonderful! Vermont’s deer head is somewhat disturbing. However, they make up for it with the words freedom and unity. What is happening on Virginia’s flag. Washington has yet another unfortunate color scheme but it celebrates our wonderful first president, George Washington. West Virginia is too floral! Wisconsin has some decent elements! Unfortunately. Not all of them. And finally, Wyoming! Excellent colors, and the buffalo is a noble animal!”
“That concludes my lecture!”
Was anyone still awake?
Re: Listen to Sam and discuss flags!
Sam already knew the answer to that, too.
Re: Listen to Sam and discuss flags!
Sorry, Sam.
Re: Listen to Sam and discuss flags!
"I will be writing to Kermit about this!"
Kermit would just file the letter with all the rest. In a metal trash can that they occasionally let Harry blow up.