fandomhigh | Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 5/18, 4th Period]

Once again, Sam Eagle could be found behind a podium and in front of an American flag.

“Welcome back,” Sam called out, once again at precisely the moment when the workshop was due to begin. “I see you have all returned to once again be enlightened on important topics. Excellent. Fine upstanding young citizens, all of you.”

Well, not Beaker. Obviously not Beaker. Never Beaker.

“Today,” Sam continued, “we shall discuss that most wholesome and traditional of American desserts...the apple pie!”

“Ahem. A Salute to All Desserts But Mostly Apple Pie, a lecture by Sam Eagle.”

“As I said, apple pie is the most American of all desserts. You have, of course, heard the expression ‘American as apple pie,’” Sam said. Yes, he assumed his students were all familiar with Americana because he could not fathom why they might not.

“Why, Americans have been making this pie for hundreds of years! The very first cookbook ever written in America contained not one but two recipes for this dessert! Of course it did. That is only fitting for apple pie.”

“Of course, apples are not native to this country unless you are referring to crabapples which do not make a good pie. But apples are American now and that is what is important! For without fine, American apples how could we have fine, American apple pie?”

“Do not,” Sam added, even more seriously than usual, “ever accept a pie prepared by any Swedish chefs. Trust me, students, you will regret it.”

“Now! Let us discuss other, lesser desserts. You may begin,” he said, pointing a wing at the student closest to him. “Tell us about a dessert and why it is inferior to apple pie! And remember, students, a dessert should always come after a wholesome and nutritional meal!”

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Tell Sam your favorite dessert and he'll tell you it's weird. Or you're weird. Or maybe he'll approve? It could maybe happen!

Sakaki hesitated a moment, because she was pretty sure, compared to American desserts, especially compared to apple pie, her idea of a favorite dessert was definitely going to seem weird, and she didn't want to dispel the large talking bird that she was anything but a fine upstanding citizen, especially after she'd done so well last week.

But an upstanding citizen probably wouldn't lie, either.

"Um," she started, "it's not at all like apple pie...or any pie, really...but I really like gyūhi. It's like a softer mochi, so it can be made into all sorts of shapes."

Usually tiny and adorable shapes.

Which was the sole reason it was her favorite. Not even for eating! Sometimes just for looking!

And it wasn't weird! At least not for Japan!

She didn't think that would get her very far with Mr. Eagle, though.

"What sort of shapes?" Sam asked suspiciously. Not weird ones, he hoped.

On the other wing..."Could it be shaped like something noble? Perhaps an eagle?"

"Oh." Now Sakaki was desperate to figure out what Mr. Eagle might consider weird so she could avoid them. "Sure. Birds are actually very popular."

They were mostly doves and ducks and cranes, of course, and Sakaki wasn't sure she'd ever seen an eagle before, but that didn't mean it didn't exist! Or could!

She hesitated a moment before she very, very tentatively added, "I like when they're shaped like cats..."

Was she blushing? She felt like she was blushing. The urge to hide her face was rising, but she tampered it down.

"Some birds are better than no birds. But cats?" Hmm. Cats were, of course, inferior to birds. And yet...

"That is better than frogs at least!"

Kermit had not even responded to Sam's angry missive last week! Such indignities he suffered!

How dare he! Some of the frog ones were terribly cute!

But that was definitely making Sakaki feel glad she'd gone with cats.

"Yes, sir," she said, nodding her head in agreement, because that just seemed the smart thing to do.

Malia didn't really eat a lot of dessert. She still made faces about eating vegetables. She'd spent eight years with a diet primarily made up of raw meat, after all.

"Um," she said, figuring any of that would not fly with this very angry eagle man. "I like ice cream?"

Just don't tell him about any birds that may have been consumed.

"Ice cream is acceptable," Sam decided. "The ice cream sundae is very American, after all. The best use of ice cream, of course, would be a scoop of wholesome vanilla served with warm, American apple pie!"

"Meep meep meep," Beaker began, pulling a posterboard and presentation stick out of...somewhere. Not important. He smacked the board impressively--it had a large picture of a cream pie on it--and continued. "Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep--"

Welcome to an extensive, if incomprehensible, treatise on the hilarity of the cream pie.

Sam was watching Beaker suspiciously, in case of shenanigans. Was Beaker going to produce a pie to throw at someone? Would that pie explode?

"No."

He didn't need to say more than that. No was always the appropriate response to Beaker.

"Meep!" Beaker said as he triumphantly produced a cream pie using the vaunted "because it's funny" version of Muppets physics.

"Absolutely not," Sam said in response.

He was very definitely about to be hit with a pie that may or may not explode. Because Muppets.

"Meep meep meep meep," Beaker wheedled, getting closer and then, well, tripping on nothing and sailing through the air. "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep--"

Guess where that pie is going, Sam. Just guess.

Sam, thoroughly covered in cream, sighed very heavily and shook his wings. This only led to cream flying through the air and another sigh.

"This is exactly what I had hoped to avoid this summer!" he snapped. "There is pie filling in my feathers!"

And Beaker hadn't even had the decency to use apple pie! OH THE INDIGNITY OF IT ALL.

"Meep meep meep?"

Not sure Sam wants to know you think it suits him, Beaker.

"M'rather fond of sweet potato pie," Nell offered.

"Vegetables as dessert can be weird," Sam mused. "But also wholesome. And traditional."

A conundrum!

"And very tasty," Nell said. "I'd be glad to make you one sometime so you'un could try it if you wanted."

Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 5/18, 4th Period]

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