fandomhigh | Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 5/11, 4th Period]

Punctuality was important so any students arriving early would find Sam standing at the front of a room, behind a podium but in front of an American flag, ready to begin. Any students arriving exactly on time would find the same. Any students arriving late would find Sam glaring at them from behind that same podium. Don’t ask how he managed to glare when most of his face was immobile. He could do it and that’s what’s important here.

At precisely the moment the workshop was set to begin Sam cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Greetings, children and welcome to ‘A Salute To…’ A workshop presented by me, Sam Eagle, wherein I shall educate you on a variety of topics!”

Sam surveyed the room, looking over all the students with his unblinking felt gaze. Including, much to Sam’s dismay, Beaker.

“This will be a wholesome and normal class,” Sam continued. Normal aside from being led by a large blue felt bird. “There will be no nonsense here. No immorality. No...weirdness.”

Yes, Beaker, he’s looking at you.

“There will only be education! On very important topics! And perhaps examinations! Those are necessary to track your progress!”

“Our introductory topic is, fittingly, introductions!! I will introduce myself, Sam Eagle, in a brief lecture entitled ‘A Salute to All Muppets but Mostly Sam Eagle.’ I am a Muppet! My colleagues at The Muppet Show are Muppets. Some Muppets are more worthy of a salute than others but I shall salute all Muppets today.” Maybe not all Muppets. Maybe not Beaker. Or the frog who had betrayed him by sending him to an island where Beaker currently resided.

“I am, of course, an American Eagle. The most noble of birds and the most noble and decent of all Muppets.” Somebody wasn’t terribly familiar with his Sesame Street colleagues, clearly.

“Unlike some other Muppets, I enjoy wholesome pursuits. Culture! Americana! The stars and stripes! Art! Literature! Morality! I constantly work to improve the quality of the entertainment we produce when no other Muppet will take a stand!"

"I do not enjoy nonsense. There will be no explosions here! Unlike some of my colleagues I do not believe in utilizing explosives for frivolity or amusement! And there will be no attempts at humor particularly from any bears. No cooking in this class and definitely no singing of the word ‘bork.’ No one will be shot out of cannons! And! There will absolutely be no laboratory experiments!” Did you hear that, Beaker? DID YOU?

“But enough about other Muppets! It is now time for all of you fine young citizens you to introduce yourselves!”

[Standard work availability disclaimer, though we have state testing today so I should be extra free for the early afternoon!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Just don't do it weirdly.

If lecture is the right word for it.

Edited 2021-05-11 11:40 (UTC)

A Salute to All Characters, But Mostly Yours.

Should you need or want to.

Sam thinks you're all weird. I think you're all great. The end.

Edited 2021-05-11 11:44 (UTC)

Sakaki

This was Sakaki's first workshop, and what an introduction it was!

She felt a little bad about it, because she definitely didn't want to be one to judge, but she couldn't help thinking, through the whole introduction, just how much better it would be if Mr. Eagle's costume was just a little bit (or maybe a lot) more cute...

"Um." Feeling slightly distressed about it, Sakaki stood up and bowed to the teacher and the class, too awkward to worry if that would be considered too weird for Mr. Eagle's standards.

It wouldn't have been weird on Japan! Definitely not as weird as a teacher in a blue eagle costume that should be much cuter than it was!

"Hello. My name is Sakaki."

What else should she say?

"I, um...I am from Japan, and I work at the animal shelter..."

If there was anything else, she couldn't think of it, so she just bowed again. "Thank you." And sat back down.

ɹǝʞɐǝq

Beaker put away his hilariously lit stick of dynamite back in his lab coat pocket because Muppet physics worked like that, and meeped to himself about how distinctly un-fun Sam was.

"Meep," he said, pointing to his "BEAKER" nametag on his coat. "Meep meep meep meep meep meep MEEP."

He pointed to his coat. "Meep meep meep!" See? He was a scientist! Thus the lab coat, Sam. "Meep meep mee!" He pulled out the dynamite, which promptly exploded. "MEEP!"

He'd be fine.

aMial aTte

Malia was finding it hard to focus on the lecture. She was too busy trying not to salivate at what appeared to her to be a potentially tasty bird, who would have kept her coyote self fed for like a week.

She was slowly sinking lower in her seat, gnawing on a highlighter. Okay, so maybe Miles had needed to tell her to be careful what she ate, after all.

Malia waved her hand in front of her nose with a scowl, trying to clear the air of the stench of scorched felt.

“That was unnecessary.”

“My name’s Malia Tate.” Malia waved a little. “I’m a werecoyote. Um, it’s nice being in a place where I can just say I’m a werecoyote and no one thinks I’m delusional and need medication.”

"The animal shelter! That seems a very noble pursuit! Excellent." Sam was clearly approving. "How good of you to care for those animals who do not yet have decent, wholesome homes!"

Sakaki sat up a little straighter in her seat, suddenly filled with am overwhelming pride for having earned the approval of a large blue eagle person, just for doing what she loved, no less.

And she may have even helped on of them fin a wholesome home already!

"Thank you!" she said. "It's to help me become a veterinarian some day."

So she could help even more! It was a dream come true!

Even if every day she worked, she'd likely go through a whole role of bandages!

Go to summer camp, they said. It will be relaxing, they said. It will be calm, they said. They lied.

"Are you quite finished?" Sam was glaring. Such a strong felt glare! "This is a fine example of why I, Sam Eagle, am the superior Muppet!"

"Of course we do not want to encourage delusions in this class," Sam said, eyeing her suspiciously. That was a weird claim to make, after all. "Are you sure you are a werecoyote? I have never heard of such a thing!"

"Meep meep meep meep meep," Beaker imitated behind him.

"I can hear you," Sam snapped, whirling around to face his felted nemesis ~~and not turning into an alien while doing so~~.

"Meep?" Beaker asked oh-so-innocently, despite having zero change in expression.

"A doctor!" Sam exclaimed. "Even better! Best of luck in your endeavors!"

And maybe consider specializing in birds?

Malia just kind of stared at him for a long moment. What had she just said she was glad about, Sam?

Maybe she could eat him just a little.

"I'm sure."

"Very well. I shall have to research."

Did werecoyotes like the taste of felt? Was she going to behave like Animal? Had the frog known about this? Sam had many questions.

Nell Ingram

Nell bobbed her head a little in respect for this, um, stately bird. "My name's Nell Ingram and I'll be a senior in the fall. I work at the flower shop on Mondays and make my own teas and lotions."

"Another student unafraid of hard work! Very industrious of you." Flowers might be a bit frivolous but she was working and Sam approved of that. "And of course tea features prominently in American history!"

"It does, but I hope no one will go throw any of mine in the water," Nell said with a smile.

Alara Kitan

“I’m Alara Kitan,” she said when it was her turn, “I’m a sophomore and I originally come from a planet with high gravity called Xeyala,”

"You are in America now," Sam said sternly. "Where we have normal gravity!"

Alara nodded, "It's definitely been an interesting experience," she told him, "but I do like living here,"

Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 5/11, 4th Period]

Sign In [Week 1, 5/11]

Listen to the Lecture [Week 2, 5/11]

Introduce Yourselves!

Talk to Sam [Week 1, 5/11]

OOC [Week 1, 5/11]

Re: Sign In [Week 1, 5/11]

Re: Listen to the Lecture [Week 2, 5/11]

Re: Introduce Yourselves!

Re: Sign In [Week 1, 5/11]

Re: Introduce Yourselves!

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Re: Listen to the Lecture [Week 2, 5/11]

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Re: Sign In [Week 1, 5/11]

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Re: Sign In [Week 1, 5/11]

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