fandomhigh | Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

Entry tags:

!event: welcome picnic

Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

Other places might have been expecting a cold front ~~wtf polar vortex~~, but the weather in Fandom was just right for welcoming in new people. The bonfire was mostly going for decoration, but there were also the makings for s'mores among the food offerings.

Mmmm, summer food.

The food was ready, the tables and chairs had been spread across the lawn with just the right amount of glitter on them, and everything was ready to welcome a new batch of folks to the island!

[OCD is coming! This is part one of the picnic, specifically for meeting siblings, roommates, and teachers. The rest of the picnic is happening here. Since it's outside, the picnic is open to all students, teachers, and townies!]

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"Fifteen," she admitted, still feeling just in awe of Kathy's story. "Like, sixteen at the end of this month????????????"

Kathy smiled and shook her head. "I hadn't met either Dante or Anders at fifteen," she said. "At your age, I was still harboring a crush on a guy who was way too old for me and rightfully barely noticed I was alive. I was sixteen when I met Anders and we went on a pretty meh first date, seventeen when I met Dante and got involved with him, eighteen when I finally got involved with Anders, and almost twenty before Dante and I sorted ourselves out. You have plenty of time to find love, Nina."

She thought about it for a moment, and then added, "Can I offer some advice?"

Nina was hugely doubtful about that, Kathy.

So far she'd survived high school in only one of the weird weekends that showed off possible futures. She died a lot.

"I die a lot in almost every future the island shows us," she confessed, "but, like, sure????????????????"

"And I didn't die in any of the futures the island showed me," Kathy said quietly. "But I did. So, take what the island shows you with a grain of salt, okay?"

Not normally how - or how soon - Kathy volunteered that bit of information, but she didn't want to see a fifteen-year-old worried about dying because the island was sometimes a dick.

"And my advice is? Make mistakes in love," she said. "Finding out what you don't want is almost as important as learning what you do want. I couldn't appreciate Anders and Dante today if it hadn't been for Nick and Ezra - and even the Anders and Dante from high school. But it's okay to discover what you thought you wanted isn't what you really need. Everything you learn that you don't want will help you figure out what's right for you when you see it."

She grinned, thinking of her guys. "Oh, and perfect doesn't exist. Don't bother looking for it. But that's okay, because it'd be really boring if you found it."

Nina looked troubled by that.

For one, perfect totally existed, Kathy! In her heart!

More seriously, though, the fact that she'd had lots of warning about dying by... having done so in various futures while Kathy hadn't but had died... sure, she'd gotten better, but Nina was rapidly re-contextualizing the rest of their conversation and...

Ow.

It was a lot to think about.

"I have a boyfriend," Nina said, since that was the easiest part to address. "But, like, I'm only happy about having him when I'm with him????????????????"

And, honestly, being dead was only half of it. Literally.

"What do you mean?" Kathy asked. "How do you feel when you're not with him?"

"I mean, like, I'm happy and I'm normal when I'm by myself????????????????"

Or she was unhappy and hiding in the back of her closet and being scolded by her jelly demon but, like, that had literally nothing to do with Owen.

"It's just that, I don't know, when I'm not with him............. I don't, like, really think about him???????????? Like, every few weeks I go 'oh, I wonder where Owen is'????????????????"

Which sounded terrible and Nina looked vaguely guilty for having said that aloud.

"I think of more things to text my big brother's friends about than I do my boyfriend........."

"I think the best question you can ask yourself right now is, 'Am I happy with this?'" Kathy said. "And, if the answer is no, follow it up with, 'Can I see how this is leading to something that will make me happy?' When Dante and I were still having trouble even being near each other, I wasn't happy, but with every argument and conversation, I could see we were getting better."

Except for that time when she nearly had just called it all off anyway.

"So the question you need to answer for yourself is if this relationship is making you happy. Not just when you're together, but all the time. And remember - happiness isn't the same thing as not being unhappy. It's active, not passive. If the answer is yes, then you're okay. If not, and you can't see how the current issues are going to change, then maybe you should talk to him. Maybe it's fixable. Or maybe it's not, and you've learned something about what it is you need from a relationship."

Nina pondered that, somewhat dissatisfied despite herself.

"That all sounds, like, super practical," she conceded. "But it's not very romantic, is it????????????????"

Kathy had to suppress a smile at how very young that answer was.

"What would be a romantic solution?" she asked.

Her shoulders slumped.

"Like, I haven't thought of one yet????????????????"

And she'd been trying, Kathy!

"May I suggest the practical one until something suitably romantic springs to mind?" Kathy suggested. "You'll at least feel like you're doing something more productive than treading water, anyway."

Nina laughed, shortly.

"I mean, like, that's the thing too??????????? Unless I make time to brood about it, I don't really have time to think too much about it????????????? I'm busy.............."

Nina worked four jobs at this point, alongside all of her projects that she took on voluntarily.

"But, like, I keep waiting for him to do something and he just.........."

She trailed off, frustrated.

Kathy's expression turned solemn and she looked at Nina, locking eyes with her.

"Don't," she said. "Look, we just met today and I don't want to try pulling some 'I'm your wise teacher' nonsense or anything, but if there's anything I want you to understand, it's this: sitting back and hoping someone will just change on their own is a jerk thing to do. Right now, you're the one who has a problem with things, which means you need to be the one to instigate change, even if that just means letting him know what you're thinking. You're being unfair to him otherwise - and to yourself, too. Romance doesn't mean that one party is a mind-reader and will suddenly know just exactly what to say and do to make you happy."

She shook her head. "You said you're happy when you're with him. Which means that the only thing he knows? Is that you're happy. Putting all these expectations of change on him that he doesn't even know about only sets him up for failure and you for disappointment. Believe me."

"I still think he should've known to ask me to prom," she muttered rebelliously.

Nina was willing to concede that all guys couldn't be as romantic as Sidon.

But some effort would be nice?

Well, that was one thing Nina knew she wanted now, wasn't it?

"Did he just assume you two were going together since you were dating?" Kathy asked, not entirely without sympathy.

Nina heaved a deeply put-upon sigh.

"I never bothered to ask," she admitted. "Like, he knew it was happening and he knows I'm on StuCo and was part of planning and was definitely going to attending????????????????????? But then he shows up late, to the part, and says I'm a gorgeous vision of a fairy tale," or something like that, "and I just............... I just didn't want to ruin the night, you know?????????????????"

Then...

"Then, like, it's weeks later?????????????????" Was it worth it to bring it up now?

"If it's still bothering you after a few weeks, then you should probably talk about it," Kathy offered. "Might help to figure out what it is that's really bothering you, though. Like - is it specifically about prom, or did you feel taken for granted?" She raised an eyebrow at Nina. "Though it may be worth considering that it sounds like you didn't ask him, either."

"I ask for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she exploded. "Everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If we want to hang out, that's on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If we want to date, that's on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only reason he's my boyfriend instead of just flirting with me is because I asked him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The least he could do is have the initiative to ask me to the biggest dance of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You know," Kathy said, "that's fair. I think you have a damn good point."

Nina took another moment to, err, rant, though out of respect for basically everyone around them (and the fact that, really, swearing just was not ladylike) she switched into a dead language from her world to swear.

"And, like, I just don't know what to do????????????????? He's got mad self-worth issues and I don't want to make him feel bad but, like, come on???????????????????"

"First of all," Kathy said, holding up a finger, "his self-worth issues aren't your problem. They're his. And while that sounds cold, holding yourself hostage to his self-esteem is bad for you both. He doesn't learn and you get resentful. You can still try to be his friend to help with those issues, but you don't have to be his girlfriend."

Again, probably something Nina would have to discover for herself. God knew Kathy would have had to at her age.

"But also? It sounds like you have a lot of stuff that's really bothering you," Kathy pointed out. "And this is the kind of stuff that really makes talking so important. Because right now? He probably doesn't know that you're bothered by any of this. So he has no motivation to change. And if he does know and he knows that it's bothering you this badly and still isn't changing? Then that's a pretty big sign right there."

"But I don't want to hurt his feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Which was seriously, seriously so much of the problem right there.

"So it's okay to keep hurting yours?" Kathy asked, gently.

Oh god, this was like a window into her past and would Nina be okay with a hug?

Nina would be surprised by a hug but she would love one.

She hesitated. A lot.

But, like, if she was wrong and Kathy didn't understand her then... no harm, no foul, right? Just, at a picnic, where anyone could hear... she didn't want to say it in English.

And languages were her favourite thing to study. She loved magic and she loved spying and languages were useful for both but Nina just loved language for itself too.

Her Korean wasn't perfect, not at all, since she hadn't the time yet to smooth down the rough edges of this particular language, but in it, she confessed, "Until I came here, no one cared about my feelings at all."

So. Yeah. Nina was used to having her feelings ignored, even by herself.

Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

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