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Tao of a Silly Old Bear, Monday, Period Two

Kanan didn't look much more on the level today when he had the class congregate on the school's lawn than he had sounded on the radio. He still had a Bad Feeling chewing away at his head, but aside from the slightly shifted skyline across the causeway, all signs pointed to normal out there today.

So he was splitting the difference and just sticking close to the school, no need to make their way all the way to the park when they could just retreat inside if... he didn't know... giant worms came bursting out of the ground to devour them all or something?

"Everyone is special," he said, standing there with the book in his hand. He'd had to read it over a few times in order to really get much of anything out of this chapter, not because it didn't say anything, but more because it had said rather a lot, and his attention kept wanting to drift outward, looking for something wrong. "That is, everybody has something that they do, something they're good at, maybe, that means that they have a place in the F-" A beat. "The universe. A... role to play or a destiny to find, maybe." Another beat. He sounded every inch a faintly distracted Jedi in that moment, and that wasn't what this class was supposed to be about. And so he sighed, shook his head, and tried again. "There's a term in Taoism, Tz'u, which can be translated to caring, or compassion. There's a saying to go with it, 'from caring comes courage.'"

Okay, deep breath. He could get through this lecture, and then maybe try to find time today to meditate somewhere. Sort all this out.

"Basically, one can boil this lesson down today to, 'follow your heart.' Don't simply trust conventional knowledge, trust your own wisdom. Cleverness can solve a good many things, but only if you understand properly when and where and how to apply it. Your instincts, your feelings and emotions, have more to offer you than you might give them credit for."

Yeah, he said it. Even the would-be Jedi threw 'emotions' into the mix. So there.

There was a pause, and then, mildly belatedly, Kanan added, "So, this is our last class. Things have been a little rocky, but we've managed to somehow get from there to here, talking about going with the flow and trusting yourself and understanding where it is you belong in the universe as it stands. Some of you," poor Sabine, "probably wondered why you were even taking this class. That's fine, too. Not everybody is made for sitting around, waiting for the answers to come to them." A pause. "That said, we're going to meditate, today. Take a seat on the grass, close your eyes, and if you're inclined to meditation already, do your thing. If you aren't, if clearing your mind and reaching out for answers isn't something you really do, then just sit and contemplate. Contemplate where the island's been so far, and what that's meant to you. Contemplate where you've been so far, and what that's meant for the island. If you'd find it easier still, feel free to pair off or have quiet discussions about both. Not all reflection needs to be done in the silence, alone."

[OOC: Open!]

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Caring.

Lana Beniko

Nina

Sabine Wren

Del

Nell Ingram

Gratuity Tucci

It's a bit distracted today, but hey, look, Kanan made it through!

... By taking a faintly meandering path, sure, but he made it through.

Go with the flow, follow your heart...Taoism seemed not to want to make up its mind. Though Lana supposed following the Force and your own emotions could sort of be considered the same thing? Maybe?

Sabine tried. She really did.

But you could probably hear the sigh at the word "meditate."

Del flopped down on the grass, Barnabas at her side looking concerned. She tried to concentrate. She really really did she was so rumbly in her tumbly that it was hard to listen or think or anything. It was hard to stay one thing but she had to. She had to because.. because everything was getting sick. Delirium knew this kind of sick and she knew people would need her soon.

It hurt. She curled up a little, hiding against Barnabas.

If you're the sort to meditate on the regular, feel free to take a patch of ground and sit in silence, contemplating this world and your place within it.

If you're not, feel free to chat quietly among yourselves about how the island's changes have been affecting you, and how your own efforts have been able to affect your situation in turn.

Lana could absolutely meditate. Easiest class yet!

Delirium tried to meditate. She pushed herself slowly upward and curled her legs into a lotus. Closed her eyes. The world kept doing the swirly spinny tilty thing and the rumbly in her tumbly became more than just noise.

With a squeaked 'erk' she uncoiled and pushed to her feet, stumbling quickly as far as she could manage from the class. Didn't make it very far before she fell to her knees and heaved out an impressively large amount of mostly liquid vomit. It was the color and texture of slimy pond water and where it touched the shadows, if you were paying attention, it glowed ever so faintly.

She heaved for quite some time. Barnabas made sad dog whines and pranced in place, nudging her with his nose.

Kanan had been frowning a little at Del as the class progressed, seeing that she wasn't doing so well.

This... didn't surprise him any, at least to some degree. He sighed, and then made his way over to check up on her.

"Hey," he said, gently. Going right into dad mode, here. "You going to be okay, there? Want some help with anything?"

"Dunno," Del mumbled, "Can you help? Everything's sick. Everything's all twistybendyflippyupsidedowninsideoutwrong. There's gonna be.. there's gonna be so many new ones and they're.. " She shuddered, muscles twitching under her clothes. "They're gonna be so mad and scared and sad and bad and... and this isn't me. I didn't do this. They're gonna be mine but I don't want them! But.. but I haveta take them. They won't have anyone else."

Wiping her mouth on a sleeve she peered up at Kanan through hair made damp with sick-sweat. The light hurt her eyes and there really wasn't that much light right now. "Can you help? Can you make it stop? Everything's sick. Everything is sick. Don't trust anything. You can't trust anything, not nobody nor nothing. It's all sick."

She glanced at the puddle and curled up a bit. "Even me. I won't be them. I'm never them. But I won't be me much either or maybe I'll be too much me to be a girl. And I can't be fishies. Not right now."

Well. Kanan's bad feelings probably weren't lack of caf, then. He frowned, looked at Barnabas, and then looked back down at Del.

"Come on," he said, crouching down to offer her a hand up. "Let's get you somewhere a little quieter, okay? We'll figure out the rest as it comes."

... Hopefully.

Del nodded weakly. She needed that hand to help her up and even then she wobbled until Barnabas pressed to her side so she could rest her other hand on his head. "Everywhere is whispering. Talking in its sleep," she mumbled and shuddered, "They need to stay asleep. That's important. I don't remember why."

"I can't hear the whispers," Kanan noted, "but I can feel the unease."

He didn't like it. Didn't like that he had no idea what it was.

Was definitely going to have to spend time meditating, tonight.

Whatever was out there was big. Bigger than him. Bigger than everyone here, if it was hitting Delirium this hard.

"When you can hear them, don't listen," Del mumbled, trudging along, "Listening to them is like letting someone else take bites of your brain and swallow everything you are one little nibble at a time until there's nothing left and they vomit everything back in but it's all an acidy stinky rotting gloppy mess that doesn't remember what it was before and gets so angry because it wants to be something but it can't."

You're welcome.

That was definitely very evocative, wasn't it?

"I won't listen," he promised, nodding. "That doesn't sound like a state I want my brain in at all."

Not even remotely, really.

"No," Del murmured, "Nobody should want that. The whispers are bad and will do that whether you want it or not and if they wake up.."

Her whole body shuddered. "If they wake up, it will be everybody all at once. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.. my ass," she muttered.

"Language, Delirium," Barnabas said primly.

"I don't want them, Barnabas!" Del said back in a tired, empty voice, "They shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be making everything sick."

Kanan blinked, and glanced again at Barnabas, not entirely certain what to do, here.

"They shouldn't be," he replied. "But we only have to survive the week. Do you think you can manage a week?"

He wasn't certain himself, but a week had been the trend. No reason it would change from that now, right?

"I can get you somewhere else, if not."

Delirium looked up at him for a moment with eyes too old for the face she wore. "There's nothing that can hurt me. My sister wouldn't take me unless I wanted to go and," she wrapped her arms around her stomach as if trying to hold everything inside, "I can't go. Not away and not with her. I have to be here. People will need me. They won't know it but they will. They won't remember later but that doesn't matter either. They're gonna make people my responsibility and I can't just leave. Who'd be here for them? Who'd be here to take the whispers away and give them singing instead? I don't want them but.. but I gotta be here. It's my job. I can't leave them alone."

Barnabas stiffened for a moment and, very casually, asked, "Will your sister be visiting this week, Delirium?"

"Oh yes," she said sadly, "Both of my sisters. They won't leave theirs alone either. And they're both going to be so angry, Barnabas." She shuddered again. "VeryveryveryveryveryVERY so very angry." Beat. "I don't like being sad. Even if it brings her closer, almost like a hug. But not really like a hug, not really at all. Comfort isn't what she does, only understanding."

Beat.

"I need to go back to my room. I need to tell them. I need the words to all be in a row and the right order and I don't.." She swallowed. "I need the words to be right."

"I'm certain you'll find the words," Kanan offered gently, starting to guide her back toward the dorms. "If there's anything you need this week, anything the likes of me can do," he glanced at the dog a moment. "I'm sure Barnabas can help you figure out if there's anything like that?"

He'd do what he could. And, hell, probably a few things he couldn't.

"Don't trust anything," Delirium mumbled, "Everything is sick. The water is sick."

Barnabas glanced back at Kanan and shook his head. "If I figure anything out. She's not supposed to be able to get sick."

"I'm not," Delirium protested in a mutter, "It's everything else that's sick."

"You just threw up," Barnabas said a little waspishly, "That is sick."

"Oh," Del said in a tiny, tiny voice.

"That is sick," Kanan agreed, quietly. "Is there someone who can help you if I leave you in your room? Barnabas, yeah, but a roommate, maybe?"

Someone with thumbs.

"Norman is my roommate," Del answered immediately.

Her steps trailed to a halt and her eyes widening when she heard her own words. She hadn't forgotten him, not really. Her mind had just been a little scattered in many different directions and she hadn't focused but now that her attention was brought back..

"No," she breathed, "NonononononoNONONO.. Norman! I need to find Norman! He can't go outside! It's all sick out here, everything's sick, he'll get sick too. He'll get sick and he'll see them, them and he can't! He can't see that!"

She whirled and almost fell, looking around frantically. Her eyes were a little vague - 'seeing around corners' - not so much looking at what was around her as looking at everything all at once and getting overwhelmed trying to see just one thing, one person.

"Barnabas.. Barnabas, where is he? Is he in our room? Did he stay inside?"

Barnabas shook his head and whuffed. "I think he went to class, Delirium."

"Kanan.. Kanan, I need to find Norman. Everything's gonna be everywhere and he'll get so sick. So sick, Kanan. It's everywhere and he can't.. I can't.. I .. They'll want him and I can't.. that can't.. He's my roommate!"

Del was darting in different directions because she didn't know which direction to go first.

Kanan swore under his breath, and then darted off after Del, reaching out a hand to put on her shoulder.

"Delirium," he said, and now Space Dad was on the job, "Delirium, relax. We'll make sure your roommate is safe, okay? But panicking won't help. Deep breath. I know this is a lot. We'll get through it."

Barnabas got in on the action, gently herding her in the general direction of 'Kanan'.

Del stopped and slumped a little when his hand fell on her shoulder. She shook her head - and then spent a good minute thpththtpht'ing the hair out of her mouth. "Panicking. From the name of the Greek God Pan, because he used to terrify people to insanity and make them run away. I told him to stop. Did you know why there's no more Pan? I made him stop. Panic still happens. It's not fair. He was a fuzzy jerk. Not because he was fuzzy, all satyrs are fuzzy and most of them aren't jerks but he was. He liked to scare people. I don't like to be scared."

She took a breath, did as she was told. "This isn't a lot. This isn't even very much, not really, but it's all bad in all one place all right now and he's my roommate and I don't know what to do. I will later. I will when it's very bad. I always know then but I don't know right now and.. and Norman is my roommate and he could get hurt." Her brow furrowed. "And.. and Vette. She's my sister but she's not like my other sisters and I don't think she wants to be like them? But the school said she's my sister now so .. so I don't want her to get hurt either. I don't know if my other sisters .. I don't know what they'll do because the school gave me a new sister."

Her arms wrapped around her middle again. "And.. and I don't know what to do and that's scary for me but .. but when I do, when I know what I have to do.. then.. then it'll be scary for everyone else."

"But the important things are," Kanan said gently, "that you'll know, and that whatever this is, however horrible it is for them, if the summer keeps on the way it's been going, it'll go away again. They'll be yours until they aren't again, assuming they even get... gotten."

He had no idea what the danger here was, but it wasn't difficult to convince him that there was one.

"Be there for them. Let them be there for you. And if it becomes too much anyway, we'll make it better. It's what we do."

Nell sat with her hands on the ground and figured her communing with the earth was close enough to meditating. Anyone watching might see the grass and such growing up over her hands and legs as she sat there.

He's ruled out not having had his caf as the source of his distraction today, and he's not 100% sold on the 'lingering effects of Rapture' theory, but Kanan still, for the life of him, can't figure out what the hell it is that's giving him this sense of unease today.

That said, rather than hunkering down and meditating through the rest of class, he's going to make himself there to speak with. He'll make his own time to meditate later.

Who Kanan suspects is probably not the meditation sort.

Art was Sabine's meditation! This was just sitting there and trying not to fall asleep.

...anyway she was here.

I was gooooing to do the Te of Piglet next term as a continuation of this whole thing, but:

I ordered the book on Amazon back in May!

I received the 'Oral History of Joy Division' instead. I shrugged and rolled with it. Also good.

A couple of weeks ago the Amazon seller actually contacted me asking how I liked the Te of Piglet. Hey, third-party sellers basically never follow up, that was neat. I told them about the mix-up. They were profusely apologetic and sent me the correct book! All they ask is that I donate the Joy Division book to a library or a charity!

The book arrived the day before classes were due in!

... But I was busy and so I didn't get a chance to flip through it to see if it would even work as a class.

THE FLOW OF THE UNIVERSE, I GUESS.

Next time!

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Tao of a Silly Old Bear, Monday, Period Two

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