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Fun with science! Tuesday

Miguel rushed into the Danger Shop a little late and waved at the students. “Hey. Had a world to save.” Sometimes these things happened.

He hopped up on the desk. “So, introductions! Tell me who you are, where you’re from, a bit about yourself, and what science is to you. Not necessarily philosophically, though hey, feel free. I mean - horse and buggy, electricity, holonet, what?”

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It took Miguel a moment to muddle through the accent. "What kinds of science are you used to having?" he asked. "What are some of your world's scientific accomplishments?"

"Oh...well," said Wayne, after thing and squinting for a moment, "I hear they're trying to send people up to Mars lateleh, but I haven't followed that much. More concerned about things like GPS in tractors now, you know you don't even need to drive 'em now, you just put in the coordinates and hope it doesn't go fuck all bonkers on you. Fuck, what'dya need a self-driving tractor for? Best thinkin' time's behind the wheel of a tractor...

"Also," he added, "I hope they get on ants riding SeaDoos soon."

No, that wasn't actually a thing, but Wayne had been thinking about it a bit lateleh.

Edited 2019-05-10 02:49 (UTC)

"SeeDoos?" Miguel asked.

"Oh, you know," said Wayne. "SeaDoos. Like motorbikes but on water. Maybe they could. Ants. Ride 'em. See, there's a lot of variables at play here, obviousleh, but if you ask me if I've heard crazier things than ants riding SeaDoos, then I'd say...

"...sure. You'd need a team of scientists, I think. Ants are just a hop, skip, and a jump away from human intelligence, if you really think abowt it. If you had a team of scientists, a good one, they fer shure could. It'd likeleh be a thankless, tireless job. And you operate the gas with your thumb on a SeaDoo, but ant's ain't got not thumbs, but if a team of scientists are building a SeaDoo for an ant, they could likeleh just as easily build a bionic thumb for the ant to operate the gas with, there's options there. And if I'm an ant, I'm operating the SeaDoo with my antennas, that was I've got all those arms and legs to stabilize myself on the machine, which you'd need, if it's, like....a wavy day on the water...."

Yeah. At this point, Wayne was definitely just sort of thinking out loud without any concern for if anyone else was following along with him.

At this point, Miguel was listening with a sort of horrified fascination.

"Why would we want ants to ride these things?"

"Just because we can," said Wayne, nodding slightly, squinting a lot, "...mostleh. And it'd probably be nice, for the ants."

His brow furrowed for a moment and he leveled that squinting gaze seriously on Miguel. "Let's say you're an ant coming up in a tough neighbourhood,"" he proposed, "never caught a break in yer life. All of a sudden, there's a team of scientist ouwtside yer door with a SeaDoo. Now, look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't ride it. How many opportunities like that you think the ant's gonna get? Not many. First ant in the colony to ride a SeaDoo; it's his legacy. They'll be talkin' about that ant inter-colonial. Fire ants wouldn't fuck with him. He rides SeaDoos."

Not that he'd thought about it much or anything like that.

Edited 2019-05-11 22:36 (UTC)

"You realize if an ant gets capsized, it'll probably die before it makes land?"

Hey, Miguel could go with this.

"Well, sure," Wayne agreed. "It'd still take a lot of concentration from an ant. Like that ant's gonna fall off....two or three times when he gets going. So it's just trial and error. But if a team of scientists was building a SeaDoo for an ant, and that team of scientists was also building a bionic thumb for the ant so's he could operate the gas, then I don't see any reason why that team of scientists couldn't figgur out some sort of...flotation apparatus for the ant. Wouldn't even need to be anything too fancy, realleh. Just, like....a life jacket....or water wings. ....fer the ant."

"And I'm still left with, why would scientists want to do this?" Miguel asked. "Is the ant going to be working as a tiny spy, or helping construct things on the water, or do research for them? How are they going to communicate with it to accomplish any of this?"

"Why would they want to do this?" Wayne repeated the question, almost sounding mildly offended. Almost. "I've got a better question for you, super chief: why wouldn't they? And sure, sure, why not, an ant could probably do any of those things, if needed, especially if we're getting to the point where an ant's riding a SeaDoo, and they're the scientiests, they can fucking figgur ouwt how to communicate with it, can't they? And just imagine how that's gotta feel for the ant, too. How many more opportunities like that you think the ant's gonna get?"

He paused long enough to let him consider it.

"...Not many. What's the alternative? Work on an antfarm? That ant's got a life on the ouwtside. He's gonna live it, goddamit. His hours might have been cut, he might have mouths to feed, you don't know."

"Linguistics is different from engineering, although I suppose if you could get a telepathic helmet miniaturized, that might work. It's hard enough to get reliable telepathic circuitry at human size, though."

Why was he even thinking about this?

"As far as 'why not', even most scientists tend not to do things just for science. That doesn't pay for itself. If nobody's financing the ant research, and your scientists aren't independently wealthy," looking at you, Stark, "it's probably not going to happen."

Why you gotta do that, Miguel? Why you gotta go and crush a boy's simple, whole-hearted dreams to one day have ants...riding SeaDoos, huh?

The expression that took over Wayne's face right then could only be described as a pout.

Italicized and everything.

"Well," he said, a moment after that pout, "not with that attitude, it won't."

Miguel shrugged. "There's a reason most science's corporate in my world."

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