Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part II

[bigdamnprincipal]

The tables and chairs had been scattered around the lawn - some near the food, some not, some in the shade, some not - and the food was ready for anyone who wanted to come by and greet the new people.

Enjoy your last picnic where shirtlessness will be enjoyable until next summer, folks!

[OCD is up! This is the picnic post for general mingling. Roommates, fake siblings and teachers are all here. Since it's outside, the picnic is open to all students, teachers, and townies!]

Comments

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan processed that. "So. Trip to Coruscant in the near future?"

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"Trip to Coruscant in the near future," Kanan agreed with a sigh. "Not sure what else to do."

It wasn't like he could just Google this stuff.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"So, ignorant question - can you ask the Force what it thinks?" Kaidan asked, pulling one side of his lower lip between his teeth, thinking.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"I can ask the Force anything I like. Doesn't mean I'm going to understand the answer," Kanan sighed. "Still... I'll probably end up doing that anyway. Even a confusing answer is a start."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

He didn't ask whether the force would warn Kanan of threats. If the Force was so inclined, there'd probably be quite a few more Jedi running around.

"Having an action plan might keep you from peeling your skin off with nerves, anyway," Kaidan noted, "Hera knows, right?"

Because of course you would have already told Hera. If you hadn't, you were getting a shin kick.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"Hera knows," Kanan agreed. "Considering she's in our class, that seemed like something that was going to be important for her to know regardless."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan nodded. "Also, she lives with you, and you're not exactly a picture of calm right now so she deserves to know why."

Among other reasons.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"She deserves explanations for most of my poodoo," Kanan agreed. "I'm trying to be better about providing them."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"Good. She's your partner, she's your roommate, she kind of should be the first person you talk to," Kaidan agreed, "Piss her off too much, she might kick you off her ship."

He was relieved. Kanan needed to talk - he needed to know he could talk, and it sounded like he was at least making an effort.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"Wouldn't want that," Kanan agreed. "She's kind of..."

He quirked a little smile.

"Kind of the best thing I ever had going for me. I don't want to mess that up. So... I'm trying."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"'Kind of'?" Kaidan asked. You didn't really think he was going to let you get away with that, did you?

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

Damn it, Kaidan. You had Kanan clearing his throat awkwardly, now.

"She is," he amended. "She is the best thing."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan chuffed a quiet laugh, "Yeah, buddy. I know. It's just weird when you hedge like that. Where Hera's concerned, I'm never going to let you. She deserves better than 'kind of'."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

"You're right," he agreed. And then frowned. "Want to guess what the Jedi take on love is?"

... He just said the L word. Poodoo.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"That they're assholes about feelings who believe it's some form of weakness or danger?" Kaidan asked dryly, "They're wrong, you know. Love makes you want to be a better person, because it makes you selfless. If it's selfish.. then it's not love."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

"So the trick is keeping that in mind?"

He wasn't arguing on this one.

He desperately wanted to do this right.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan thought about it and then nodded, "Mostly, yeah. It's not a trick, though. Love can take all sorts of forms, and not all of them are good."

A slightly wry smile curved his lips, "Which might be why Jedi are assholes about it, honestly. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference between the types, and sometimes.. sometimes it changes. It can go toxic. That's where you have to start asking yourself, is it selfless or is it selfish? Is it what's best for the partnership, for the other partner, or just for yourself? When the answer is 'yourself' and it's followed by justification why you're more important than your partner, than the partnership - that's the time you'll know it's gone toxic and wrong."

He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, "Your thing with Hera? You're not doing that wrong. You love her. You don't try to act like that fact gives you any rights whatsoever to her, or to her feelings. You'd go on forever just like this, happy to be around her in whatever capacity she'd let you. You're trying to be a better person, part of it's for you but part of it is because the trashfire you've said you used to be? She deserves better. And you are better, you've just had to hide it for a long time."

A shoulder lifted, "You'd do what's best for her. 'You' wouldn't even really enter into the equation."

It was one of the factors that had gone into the 'Coruscant' equation. Kanan wouldn't bolt - or if he did, not for long. Not without Hera. And if Hera knew why he was bolting, what he was running away from.. she likely wouldn't let him run for very long.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan was quiet as he listened. It... made sense. It was the selfish fear that they'd been warned about the most, in all things. His Master had told him to feel that sense of belonging during the war, but to be mindful of growing too attached to it for much the same reason.

By the time Kaidan had finished, Kanan had kind of just wrapped his arms around himself and was looking for all the world like a man who had just remembered how to breathe.

"... Am I worrying too much?"

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan tilted his head, "In general, or with regard to Hera?" Then he shook his head. It didn't matter; Kanan had no baseline for either.

"In general.. yeah, you worry almost to the point of panic. That's what had me scared. You're so afraid of feeling, well, almost anything, that you almost go to the opposite extreme. I don't know how Jedi..fall.. but you don't have to be a Jedi for fear to consume you to the point of crippling you. Fear can be a poison, because mostly, fear only breeds more fear. It's a hard habit to break," Kaidan answered.

"Hera? No. Where Hera's concerned, you're doing fine. The hardest thing you're going to have to do is to let her see under the mask, and you've already started, sounds like."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan answered that with a wry smile.

"Hera saw under the mask the moment she realized there was one," he noted, softly. "I think that's maybe how she managed to get under my skin so well in the first place."

Well. That and her pretty voice. But mostly that other thing.

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

Kaidan answered that with a wry smile of his own, "If you were nearly the trashfire you've indicated, the reason she saw under it is because you went out of your way to let her. Whether you realized you were doing it or not."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

And there went Kanan's hand. Right on a beeline for Kanan's hair.

... He'd been doing better with that, too. Damn.

"Remind me to tell you how we met, sometime. Somewhere less out in the open. It's one hell of a story."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"Sure," Kaidan said automatically, but his eyes darkened. An unconscious mimic of Kanan, he ran a hand up through his hair, "Someday, sure, yeah."

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[uncertain_dume]

Yeah... that was hard to miss.

"... How are you hanging in there anyway, buddy?"

Re: General Mingling [Fall 2018]

[spectre_alenko]

"I'm.." Kaidan bit his tongue, hard. He held it for a moment, then continued, "Not in a place where I want to talk about it." He gestured around vaguely.

Not in any sort of place. Physically, mentally, emotionally - he just didn't want to talk about it. But especially, not here. Not in front of the kids.