fandomhigh | Brooding for Dummies, Friday, Period 2

Jonothon had wrapped himself up for today's class.

He'd done so more as a courtesy than out of any sense of self-consciousness, at least. He'd been too lost in his own head, his mind burning away from the inside, to really notice who in the room had been in the woods as well. He wasn't going to presume, when it came to traumas. Especially not with his mind still flayed raw, all broken edges and jagged memories with no real walls to speak of.

He didn't want to further traumatize anybody today, no.

//When I was... about your age,// he said, leaning back against his desk, arms crossed in front of himself but eyes closed, head bowed down toward the floor, //I was... called out, a lot, for the amount of time I spent in my own head. For how much I preferred my own company to those around me. For the way it wasn't impossible for me to vanish for days at a time, lost in thoughts, digging in to them instead of being... social.//

He opened his eyes and glanced up.

//The same people who did that calling out were often the same ones who wondered within earshot if I was even capable of feeling emotion. If there was enough left of me to care about things, anymore. I couldn't turn to them. Of course I couldn't. None of them understood what it was like to hurt somebody they cared about, really hurt them, in the exact moment they lost their entire future. So I retreated into myself, instead. Tried to cut myself off not just from the rest of the world but from some of the most terrifying parts of me, too. Sometimes, brooding is simply a result of feeling as though there's nowhere else a person can possibly turn.//

Sorry, Ino. This was the last class, and Jono's brain had been well-cooked hamburger for far too much of the week. This one wasn't going to be silly. He needed it. Maybe there would be somebody else in the room who did, too.

//Last class,// he continued, quietly. //There might not always be somewere to turn. There might not always be somebody out there who understands, who even realizes where it is you've been, what it is that's left scars on your psyche. Maybe it's a matter of personal regrets, or of fears. Maybe it's a circumstance you were thrown into that is above and beyond anything that most people might have so much as a basis of comparison for. Maybe the entire bloody world is so big and cruel and overwhelming that the only direction you have left to look is in. If that's what you need to do... then do it. There's no shame in reflection, just so long as sooner or later, you remember to take a breath and look up again. Just so long as you keep in mind that you've still got tomorrow, and tomorrow might bring somewhere else to turn.//

He shrugged, then tightened his hands on his arms.

//I had a class back in New York... room full of kids who, like me, had been changed so much by circumstance that they knew there was no way they'd ever quite fit among the rest of the human race again. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told them. I don't know if those of you who might be hurting will ever find somebody they can reach out to. Wish I could guarantee a yes. I'm afraid I can't do that for anyone. But you all deserve it. And if you keep your heart open... even if, yes, that means it'll get ripped to bleedin' shreds... you have a chance. You can't control anyone else, only yourself. And I'm telling you from experience... In the end, whether your life's defined by hurt or hope is up to you.//

He shrugged.

//That's all I've got. You can stay and chat among yourselves or leave. I'll be here until the end of the period if there's anything else you need. Class dismissed.//

[OOC: Stealin' from those X-Comics again. Jono's 'hurt or hope' speech is more or less taken with slight paraphrasing from X-Men Legacy, issue 264. Short OCD today, open!]

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Hurt? Or Hope?

Astrid Magnussen

It is... probably not the cracky end of term broody shenanigans you were expecting.

But it is very Jono.

Stick around and chat if you want, or leave when you're dismissed, Jono doesn't care either way.

If Astrid was going to skip any of her classes this week, it would have been this one. It probably should have been this one. And as she slumped a little on her desk, elbows on the surface, knuckle propping up her chin, it might not have looked like she was listening, staring off at some random spot somewhere on the wall to her left. But she was. Listening, and trying to dismiss it. Listening, and trying to simultaneously wedge herself into them and deny she had any place in them. Listening, and trying not to cry, and wishing that she never had to leave California, even though the only person she had to blame for that was herself.

When it was finished, she felt like she couldn't gather her things and leave the room fast enough, limping just slightly a few times when she forgot not to put so much weight on her still sore ankle. She didn't know where she'd go until her next class (...the beach, probably the beach, maybe the roof but all those stairs!), but she did know she couldn't stay here.

Like he said, he'll be sticking around for the rest of the class hour if anybody needs him. And even if anybody doesn't.

Jono's brain had been hamburger enough (and not of the good kind) that Hannibal was still keeping rather close tabs on him.

So, here he was, ~~lurking~~ making sure Jono was still functional enough for this.

Jono didn't smile when he noticed Hannibal's presence, mostly because smiling still involved too much effort.

He did glance Hannibal's way and nod a greeting after he dismissed the class for the way.

//It's only an hour, you know,// he said, gently. //I'm not likely to wander off on you again.//

"I'm more worried you're liable to fall down," Hannibal said. He came to stand next to Jono, their sides pressed together, for mental support as well as physical. His own mind was full of calm concern rather than frantic worry.

Jono leaned lightly against him, shrugging one shoulder and turning his head to nuzzle against Hannibal's cheek for a moment.

//S'in my head, you know,// he murmured. //My body didn't take any actual harm.//

Well. Except for all the bleeding his head had done on Tuesday.

"Not entirely true," Hannibal corrected, "and also entirely beside the point. I am well aware how psychological - and in this case, psychic - damage can manifest in physical effects. Still, now classes are over, you've some time to recuperate. I was thinking of a vacation."

Jono blinked and tilted his head a little at that, yes.

//Vacation? Oh? Where were you thinking...?//

Edited 2018-08-17 19:46 (UTC)

"Someplace quiet and comfortable," Hannibal said. "There is a hotel in Panama - it requires hours to get there from the city by traditional means, and allows no more than 18 guests at most. There is a small house for two on the beach, and the opportunity for scuba diving. Or if you prefer, there is a spa in the mountains of Austria, also hours from any city, which centers around pools of natural heated water, with underwater music."

He knew his audience.

So help him, Hannibal, you definitely knew your audience...

//... I do like music. And diving.//

The diving maybe held a bit of special significance. But music was music.

"So, choose one and I'll make reservations," Hannibal said. He slid his hand over Jono's, twining their fingers together. "I have more information at home if you would like to see them first."

Jono closed his hand around Hannibal's in turn.

//I would like to see them,// he replied. //They both sound good, I'm not certain which sounds more like what I need right now.//

"What you need is quiet time without too many minds around and too many expectations of you," Hannibal said. "And, by preference, me. Either of these places will give you that. Choose whichever you prefer when you look at them."

He didn't expect they'd spend much time doing things while they were there. At least not things outside Jono's head.

Jono nodded.

//All I really want is quiet,// he agreed. //Whichever is--// cheaper, //--closer, I suppose.//

“They are both only a portal away,” Hannibal said. “I shall see which I can book without too much of a time difference, then.”

//That will do,// Jono replied with a nod. //Not sure I'm in a place where I want to make decisions if I can at all avoid it right now anyway.//

Hannibal nodded. “Understandable, although I will only allow you to evade them for so long as it is healthy. I hope that some time in peaceful seclusion will help you to rebuild yourself. And I have no intentions of leaving you to it alone.”

He kissed the side of Jono’s face just above the wrappings. “The first decision you can help me with this week will be a gift for Emma. We have time to consider it.”

//Lifetime supply of paracetamol,// Jono suggested, mostly joking. //For all th'headaches she's bound to be in for.//

After all, sooner or later she'd end up with another, younger, more stupid Jonothon all over again. Double the bullshit.

Hannibal chuckled. "I was thinking of something somewhat more classy, although that does seem quite useful."

He wrapped an arm around Jono. "Shall we head home for now?"

Jonothon nodded his head and leaned up against Hannibal.

//Seems like th'students have moved on,// he agreed. //Let's.//

But no really, my favourite page in all of Jono's appearances in comics ever is probably this one. Oh Santo, never change.

Brooding for Dummies, Friday, Period 2

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