Jono Starsmore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
furnaceface) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2018-08-17 06:28 am
furnaceface) wrote in fandomhigh2018-08-17 06:28 am
Entry tags:
Brooding for Dummies, Friday, Period 2
Jonothon had wrapped himself up for today's class.
He'd done so more as a courtesy than out of any sense of self-consciousness, at least. He'd been too lost in his own head, his mind burning away from the inside, to really notice who in the room had been in the woods as well. He wasn't going to presume, when it came to traumas. Especially not with his mind still flayed raw, all broken edges and jagged memories with no real walls to speak of.
He didn't want to further traumatize anybody today, no.
//When I was... about your age,// he said, leaning back against his desk, arms crossed in front of himself but eyes closed, head bowed down toward the floor, //I was... called out, a lot, for the amount of time I spent in my own head. For how much I preferred my own company to those around me. For the way it wasn't impossible for me to vanish for days at a time, lost in thoughts, digging in to them instead of being... social.//
He opened his eyes and glanced up.
//The same people who did that calling out were often the same ones who wondered within earshot if I was even capable of feeling emotion. If there was enough left of me to care about things, anymore. I couldn't turn to them. Of course I couldn't. None of them understood what it was like to hurt somebody they cared about, really hurt them, in the exact moment they lost their entire future. So I retreated into myself, instead. Tried to cut myself off not just from the rest of the world but from some of the most terrifying parts of me, too. Sometimes, brooding is simply a result of feeling as though there's nowhere else a person can possibly turn.//
Sorry, Ino. This was the last class, and Jono's brain had been well-cooked hamburger for far too much of the week. This one wasn't going to be silly. He needed it. Maybe there would be somebody else in the room who did, too.
//Last class,// he continued, quietly. //There might not always be somewere to turn. There might not always be somebody out there who understands, who even realizes where it is you've been, what it is that's left scars on your psyche. Maybe it's a matter of personal regrets, or of fears. Maybe it's a circumstance you were thrown into that is above and beyond anything that most people might have so much as a basis of comparison for. Maybe the entire bloody world is so big and cruel and overwhelming that the only direction you have left to look is in. If that's what you need to do... then do it. There's no shame in reflection, just so long as sooner or later, you remember to take a breath and look up again. Just so long as you keep in mind that you've still got tomorrow, and tomorrow might bring somewhere else to turn.//
He shrugged, then tightened his hands on his arms.
//I had a class back in New York... room full of kids who, like me, had been changed so much by circumstance that they knew there was no way they'd ever quite fit among the rest of the human race again. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told them. I don't know if those of you who might be hurting will ever find somebody they can reach out to. Wish I could guarantee a yes. I'm afraid I can't do that for anyone. But you all deserve it. And if you keep your heart open... even if, yes, that means it'll get ripped to bleedin' shreds... you have a chance. You can't control anyone else, only yourself. And I'm telling you from experience... In the end, whether your life's defined by hurt or hope is up to you.//
He shrugged.
//That's all I've got. You can stay and chat among yourselves or leave. I'll be here until the end of the period if there's anything else you need. Class dismissed.//
[OOC: Stealin' from those X-Comics again. Jono's 'hurt or hope' speech is more or less taken with slight paraphrasing from X-Men Legacy, issue 264. Short OCD today, open!]
He'd done so more as a courtesy than out of any sense of self-consciousness, at least. He'd been too lost in his own head, his mind burning away from the inside, to really notice who in the room had been in the woods as well. He wasn't going to presume, when it came to traumas. Especially not with his mind still flayed raw, all broken edges and jagged memories with no real walls to speak of.
He didn't want to further traumatize anybody today, no.
//When I was... about your age,// he said, leaning back against his desk, arms crossed in front of himself but eyes closed, head bowed down toward the floor, //I was... called out, a lot, for the amount of time I spent in my own head. For how much I preferred my own company to those around me. For the way it wasn't impossible for me to vanish for days at a time, lost in thoughts, digging in to them instead of being... social.//
He opened his eyes and glanced up.
//The same people who did that calling out were often the same ones who wondered within earshot if I was even capable of feeling emotion. If there was enough left of me to care about things, anymore. I couldn't turn to them. Of course I couldn't. None of them understood what it was like to hurt somebody they cared about, really hurt them, in the exact moment they lost their entire future. So I retreated into myself, instead. Tried to cut myself off not just from the rest of the world but from some of the most terrifying parts of me, too. Sometimes, brooding is simply a result of feeling as though there's nowhere else a person can possibly turn.//
Sorry, Ino. This was the last class, and Jono's brain had been well-cooked hamburger for far too much of the week. This one wasn't going to be silly. He needed it. Maybe there would be somebody else in the room who did, too.
//Last class,// he continued, quietly. //There might not always be somewere to turn. There might not always be somebody out there who understands, who even realizes where it is you've been, what it is that's left scars on your psyche. Maybe it's a matter of personal regrets, or of fears. Maybe it's a circumstance you were thrown into that is above and beyond anything that most people might have so much as a basis of comparison for. Maybe the entire bloody world is so big and cruel and overwhelming that the only direction you have left to look is in. If that's what you need to do... then do it. There's no shame in reflection, just so long as sooner or later, you remember to take a breath and look up again. Just so long as you keep in mind that you've still got tomorrow, and tomorrow might bring somewhere else to turn.//
He shrugged, then tightened his hands on his arms.
//I had a class back in New York... room full of kids who, like me, had been changed so much by circumstance that they knew there was no way they'd ever quite fit among the rest of the human race again. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told them. I don't know if those of you who might be hurting will ever find somebody they can reach out to. Wish I could guarantee a yes. I'm afraid I can't do that for anyone. But you all deserve it. And if you keep your heart open... even if, yes, that means it'll get ripped to bleedin' shreds... you have a chance. You can't control anyone else, only yourself. And I'm telling you from experience... In the end, whether your life's defined by hurt or hope is up to you.//
He shrugged.
//That's all I've got. You can stay and chat among yourselves or leave. I'll be here until the end of the period if there's anything else you need. Class dismissed.//
[OOC: Stealin' from those X-Comics again. Jono's 'hurt or hope' speech is more or less taken with slight paraphrasing from X-Men Legacy, issue 264. Short OCD today, open!]
Re: Talk to Jono!
He didn't expect they'd spend much time doing things while they were there. At least not things outside Jono's head.
Re: Talk to Jono!
//All I really want is quiet,// he agreed. //Whichever is--// cheaper, //--closer, I suppose.//
Re: Talk to Jono!
Re: Talk to Jono!
Re: Talk to Jono!
He kissed the side of Jono’s face just above the wrappings. “The first decision you can help me with this week will be a gift for Emma. We have time to consider it.”
Re: Talk to Jono!
After all, sooner or later she'd end up with another, younger, more stupid Jonothon all over again. Double the bullshit.
Re: Talk to Jono!
He wrapped an arm around Jono. "Shall we head home for now?"
Re: Talk to Jono!
//Seems like th'students have moved on,// he agreed. //Let's.//