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fandomhigh2017-11-08 12:36 am
livingartifact) wrote in fandomhigh2017-11-08 12:36 am
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Introduction to Earth Zoology, Wednesday, period 1
"Ah, welcome back, class." Jenkins was looking slightly harried this week, with his lopsided bowtie and a few hairs out of place, but he still greeted them with his usual calm and a small bow. "M apologies for last week. Halloween got — interesting. As I gather it did for many of you as well."
Really, the less said about what Jenkins had managed to cook up after the party that night, the better.
"But enough about local history. Let's get right to the topic of today's class, shall we? The creatures we are going to learn about today are some of the smallest and most divisive friends to the human race that we know of. While many find them adorable and helpful animals, there are a great many others who are quite frankly horrified and sickened by the very sight of them. Should you turn out to be one of the latter, you are welcome to avert your eyes, though I would encourage you to learn as much about them as possible anyway. If nothing else, to better know how to kill them."
What? Did you think Jenkins was a warm fuzzy teacher?
"I'm speaking, of course, of the jumping spider." A touch of his remote removed cloth drapes from the tops of half a dozen tanks scattered around the room, each containing a different brightly colored species of spider, each equipped with an array of magnifying glasses so the students could get as close a look a possible. "Clocking in at a miniscule 25 mm at the largest — for reference, that's about the size of one of my fingernails —" He held up a hand to show perfectly manicured nails for those who weren't familiar. "— one might wonder how these creatures inspire such animosity in in comparably large animals such as humans. I'm told, in fact, that their miniscule size is part of the issue: the smaller a creature is, after all, the harder it may be to spot, making these spiders excellent at sneaking up at unsuspecting humanoids. Also note the number of eyes and legs, eight each, which many Earthern people consider to be excessive, possessing at most only two each of their own. Some spiders are known to have venom that is a danger to humans, and though jumping spiders are not among them, humans are exceedingly good at over-generalizing about other species — or in fact their own. For those who can see past such biases, however, the jumping spider can make quite a friendly little companion." He reached into one of the tanks, and slowly drew his hand up with one of the spiders perched on his knuckle. "I've taken to calling this one 'Bob'." He wiggled a finger of his free hand at the tiny creature, and it raised its own forelegs in response. "See, now he's threatening me. Isn't that adorable?"
He lowered his hand back into the tank, releasing Bob, then looked over at a neighboring tank and let out a small gasp of delight.
"Students, we are indeed in luck, it looks like George over there is going to propose to Martha! Well, ask for a one night stand at the very least. If he fails to win her over, she'll eat him." He sighed happily, leaning in for a closer look and waving the students over. "Isn't love beautiful?"
Really, the less said about what Jenkins had managed to cook up after the party that night, the better.
"But enough about local history. Let's get right to the topic of today's class, shall we? The creatures we are going to learn about today are some of the smallest and most divisive friends to the human race that we know of. While many find them adorable and helpful animals, there are a great many others who are quite frankly horrified and sickened by the very sight of them. Should you turn out to be one of the latter, you are welcome to avert your eyes, though I would encourage you to learn as much about them as possible anyway. If nothing else, to better know how to kill them."
What? Did you think Jenkins was a warm fuzzy teacher?
"I'm speaking, of course, of the jumping spider." A touch of his remote removed cloth drapes from the tops of half a dozen tanks scattered around the room, each containing a different brightly colored species of spider, each equipped with an array of magnifying glasses so the students could get as close a look a possible. "Clocking in at a miniscule 25 mm at the largest — for reference, that's about the size of one of my fingernails —" He held up a hand to show perfectly manicured nails for those who weren't familiar. "— one might wonder how these creatures inspire such animosity in in comparably large animals such as humans. I'm told, in fact, that their miniscule size is part of the issue: the smaller a creature is, after all, the harder it may be to spot, making these spiders excellent at sneaking up at unsuspecting humanoids. Also note the number of eyes and legs, eight each, which many Earthern people consider to be excessive, possessing at most only two each of their own. Some spiders are known to have venom that is a danger to humans, and though jumping spiders are not among them, humans are exceedingly good at over-generalizing about other species — or in fact their own. For those who can see past such biases, however, the jumping spider can make quite a friendly little companion." He reached into one of the tanks, and slowly drew his hand up with one of the spiders perched on his knuckle. "I've taken to calling this one 'Bob'." He wiggled a finger of his free hand at the tiny creature, and it raised its own forelegs in response. "See, now he's threatening me. Isn't that adorable?"
He lowered his hand back into the tank, releasing Bob, then looked over at a neighboring tank and let out a small gasp of delight.
"Students, we are indeed in luck, it looks like George over there is going to propose to Martha! Well, ask for a one night stand at the very least. If he fails to win her over, she'll eat him." He sighed happily, leaning in for a closer look and waving the students over. "Isn't love beautiful?"
Talk to Jenkins