Introduction to Earth Zoology, Wednesday, period 1

[livingartifact]

Introduction to Earth Zoology met in one of the standard classrooms, this week, though when the students stepped through they might be surprised to find that rather than the usual arrangement of whiteboard and individual desks, there was instead of a warmly lit room cluttered with aging electronics and ephemera, with a single long table featuring enough seats for every student, and a rolling blackboard.

Was Jenkins secretly abusing the Library's backdoor function to transport his students to a magical library full of madcap? Don't be absurd. That would be catastrophically foolish. He quite possibly did abuse it in order to make it easier to swap out the furniture about to create a more academically pleasing atmosphere though. Really, using the back door was barely using magic. It was almost impossible that it would have any lingering consequences for the students and their souls.

Jenkins himself stood at the head of the table by the blackboard as the students filed in, polishing an apple on his tweed jacket. When the last student entered, he set the apple aside, dusted off his hands, and picked up a piece of chalk.

"Hello," he greeted, writing the class title on the board like a teacher in a movie. "Welcome to Introduction to Earth Zoology." He turned back to the class and set the chalk down. "If you're in the wrong place, it's too late to escape now. You'll simply have to be more careful next time." A quick flash of a smirk. "I gather it's rather traditional to spend at least part of the first class on introductions; there's few enough of you to not make that too much of a waste of time, so I suppose we'll give it a try. I am Mr. Jenkins. If you're wondering at what my credentials are for teaching this course, rest assured that I am both extremely old and extremely nerdy. I know a great deal about a large number of things. This is merely one of them. Now, I suppose, we'll simply go around the table and you can all tell me your names, and perhaps a little bit about an animal that is for whatever reason of some interest to you. Your favorite, or the scariest, or the one that spent 40 years sneaking into your room at night and chewing holes in your socks. . . ." He waved a hand vaguely in the air, a faint scowl on his face as he seemed to be remembering whatever creature that had been. "Whathaveyou." He pointed to the student immediately to his left. "You start."

Once the introductions were dispensed with, Jenkins turned back to the blackboard. "Now, our time here is extremely limited, and there are a tremendous number of fascinating creatures that have made Earth their home at some time or other, so shake off any lingering 'first week' ennui and let's get down to business. Today we're going to discuss Moloch horridus." He wrote the name on the board, then underlined it twice. "Now, as is quite common with terran animalia, Moloch goes by a variety of different, equally evocative names, including the thorny dragon — though it isn't one — the mountain devil — though it's not actually one of those, either — or most accurately, the thorny lizard. Now there are a great many technical details I could go into on this little critter — various classifications of its order, family, and genus, its mating habits, the fact that it bears a 'false head' on the back of its neck to confound predators — but to truly get a sense of any animal, you simply must greet it in the flesh." He moved the blackboard to one side, revealing a large glass tank containing a tiny desert terrarium, and in it, two dramatically spiked lizards, neither quite a full foot in length. "Interestingly, the spikes you see on these critters are not merely for defensive purposes — though I do not recommend attempting to handle one without gloves. The formations are lined with ridged scales that actually help the lizards to collect moisture from the air and funnel it towards their mouths. They're native to the more arid regions of Australia — ah, hang on —" He picked up a large desk globe and spun it so he could point out the continent. "— that'd be this one here. For reference, should any of you not yet be familiar, Fandom appears to be located about . . . ." He spun the globe a few times for dramatic effect, then stopped it with a single finger midway down the east coast of North America. "Here." He set the globe aside again and picked up his apple, taking a large bite. "They're insectivores," he continued, chewing. "The, uh, lizards, that is, not Fandomites per se, though insects are a wonderful source of protein." He smiled and took another bite of his apple. "They reproduce by laying eggs, typically in the spring through early summer."

He gestured to the students to approach the tank, looking cheerfully down at the lizards. "Now, don't be shy. As I said, I don't recommend trying to touch these creatures, but you should certainly feel free to observe them for a bit." He picked up a second, smaller tank beside the large one, this one absolutely swarming with ants. "If you like, you can even try feeding them. Though — carefully. I'd rather not get the school infested with Australian ants."

Comments

Sign in

[livingartifact]

Ready to learn

Re: Sign in

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot

Re: Sign in

[in_sidon_we_trust]

Prince Sidon

Re: Sign in

[misshapen_spark]

Yang Xiao Long

Introductions

[livingartifact]

Name, please, and a quick overview of any animal you happen to be interested in or know something about.

Re: Introductions

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot and Jenkins had already met, but for the sake of the others in the class (and for getting the chance to talk about an animal, really), Peridot stood and introdused herself all the same.

"I'm Peridot, Facet 2F5L, Cut 5XG. Most people around here simply call me Peridot. And I'm not terribly familiar with Earth creatures... I have met dogs, ducks, sharks, and some variety of insect in person. I've been told of horses and cats, the latter of which I've been led to believe I might be able to relate to somewhat. And that's... it."

She spread her hands a little.

"Which, of course, is why I'm here."

Re: Introductions

[livingartifact]

"Certainly, Ms. Peridot," Jenkins said, giving her a nod. "I hope to increase that list at least four-fold by the end of this semester. Though . . . do tell us more about ducks. What have you learned about them so far?"

Re: Introductions

[era_two_triangle]

"Ducks are the buoyant avians that live around the park," Peridot replied, and then started ticking things off on her fingers. "They lay eggs, and of course they can swim. Plus they make this sound, a little bit like... quack?"

She paused, and then added, "they're also difficult to carve out of wood without giving them extra butts."

Important facts learned from Magnus' class.

Re: Introductions

[in_sidon_we_trust]

Sidon would never tire of introductions. He loved his signature introduction pose far too much, though he was sure to find many other uses for it in the future once the time for introductions were over.

He stood, because it was best done standing and sitting was really awkward for him anyway. "I am Sidon!" he announced, pumping a fist across his chest and holding it there while he smiled brightly enough for a light to catch on his shiny sharp teeth. "The Zora Prince!"

Hold, and good. His smile relaxed a little into something more casual and he dropped his arms to his side, but only for a moment, as he did like to gesture when he talked. "I am afraid all of the creatures I am familiar with would directly contrast the point of this being an Earth zoology course, as I am not from Earth at all! My knowledge is entirely in Hylian animals, of which my favorite is probably the Hearty Blueshell Snail or the Bright-Eyed Crab!" And not just because they were tasty; they were pretty, too! "I did get a chance to meet"--and perhaps eat--"some of the local fish on my swim yesterday, but that is the extent of my Earth animal experience thus far, so I'd would say I am most interested in learn about all of them!"

Re: Introductions

[livingartifact]

"Your highness." Jenkins gave Sidon a small bow. "Though we will learn about earth creatures in this class, you need not stick to them in the introductions. Tell us more about this Hearty Blueshell Snail, perhaps. What it looks like, how large it is, perhaps?"

Re: Introductions

[misshapen_spark]

"Yang Xiao Long, and I guess the animal I know the most about is dogs," she said cheerfully. "We've got a corgi named Zwei, and he's awesome."

Also, fireproof. Because Zwei was one of a kind.

"But I'm from Remnant, and I have no idea how closely our animals match yours." And wow, was that weird to say. It was, like, going to school on the moon or something.

Re: Introductions

[livingartifact]

"Well, we can always find out," Jenkins said. "Perhaps if you would describe Zwei in more detail?"

Re: Introductions

[spell_chucker]

"My name is Khadgar, and I'm fascinated by cats," he said. "We have cats and dogs where I'm from, but I greatly prefer cats, especially when they're small and even more adorable."

Re: Introductions

[livingartifact]

"Ah, our sly feline friendds," Jenkins said. "Do you keep any cats of your own, either at home or here in Fandom?"

Listen to the lecture

[livingartifact]

Spiky reptiles! Woo!

Re: Listen to the lecture

[in_sidon_we_trust]

Oh, there was so much information, and Sidon wanted to retain it all, so he was busily scribbling notes in his strange Hylian script onto one of the scrolls he had brought with him for this exact purpose. He was taking particular care to copy down the words that Mr. Jenkins had written on the board in this unfamiliar alphabet: repeating them as carefully as he could and writing what would be the Hylian equivalent underneath it. Hopefully a reference point for his eventual codex!

Oogle the animal

[livingartifact]

Honestly, they aren't doing much just yet. Just kind of peering at you suspiciously, puffing out their throats, and possibly hoping you're fooled by that false head business.

If you feed them, though, they'll happily go bug-nuts.

Re: Oogle the animal

[era_two_triangle]

Oh, you had better believe Peridot was oogling. She was oogling raptly, noting with no small amount of appreciation that the ridiculously spiny creatures before her seemed more sensible, as creatures, than any of the other ones she had encountered so far.

She was probably going to need a boost if she wanted to feed them, though. Maybe she'd just wait for somebody else to do so, and she could just watch.

Re: Oogle the animal

[in_sidon_we_trust]

"Would you like some assistance for a closer look, Peridot?" Sidon asked of his tiny big sibling. "I will be happy to help if you'd like to feed a few yourself."

Re: Oogle the animal

[in_sidon_we_trust]

Sidon couldn't help chuckling when he approached the tank. "Why, they're not much different from some of our lizards back home!" he remarked happily. "Though the armor on this one is most impressive! I imagine eating one would be most fortifying!"

Because of course Sidon would talk about eating it.

For the time being, though, he was quite satisfied for the lizards themselves to be eating, carefully offering some ants and being absolutely tickled by the results.

Re: Oogle the animal

[misshapen_spark]

"Aw, who's the cutest, fiercest, little armored not-a-dragon? Is it you? It's you!" Was Yang happily feeding the lizards? Yes, yes she was. "Oh my god, I want one."

Re: Oogle the animal

[spell_chucker]

Khadgar behaved himself and didn't touch the lizard, but he reeeeeally wanted to. For now, he was content to just peer at them and puff up his face at them in return.

Talk to Jenkins

[livingartifact]

Let him nerd at you about the difference between lizards and actual dragons, maybe.

[livingartifact]

"A typical full-grown Devil will fit on the palm of your hand and its densely packed spikes are no bigger than the thorns of a rose, albeit a particularly ferocious one. Picayune pricklius would be more like it. Not so much John Milton meets Ed Wood as Mark Twain meets Monty Python."
— The Book of Barely Imagined Beings, Caspar Henderson, p. 297

The entry for the thorned devil in this book is seven pages long, starts with a quote from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, ends by relating climate change to an Australian joke about pissing in beer, and is mostly about the relationship between fire and early humans.

I am going to nerd out so hard writing this class.

[era_two_triangle]

... I need the heck out of that book.