fandomhigh | Understanding American Holidays, Monday

The classroom was pink. Very pink. And covered in hearts. Because it was time to teach about President's Day!

Okay, that wasn't true. In fact, your teachers might start ranting if they were on that holiday.

"Today we will be learning about Valentine's day. A holiday that, I think at least, more commercialized than Christmas," Tony said cheerfully.

"Which is saying something," Steve said dryly. "This is a day to celebrate being part of a romantic relationship."

"Which makes being single on the day so much fun," Tony added. "When you're young, the holiday involves giving people cards that probably have puns on them and some candy. When you get older it becomes a minefield of finding the perfect gifts for significant others."

And/or drinking alone with some ice cream.

"And when you're even older, a time to sit and contemplate the prospect of spending the rest of your life alone forever."

Steve was soooo cheerful on Valentine's Day. "Today we're going to give you a price list of everything that you, as teenagers, might want to get your significant other--candy, flowers, stuffed animals, dinner out, things like that. We've also given you 35 dollars in Monopoly money, so now you have to decide which things you'd buy and which you'd skip."

"Candy is always a good buy," Tony said, trying not to side-eye his teaching partner there. "If you get turned down, you can always eat the candy yourself."

"But make sure that candy is part of a balanced diet--" Steve shrugged. "I had to do a lot of public service announcements for kids when I first woke up."

Tony nodded along with that a bit helplessly. "Alright, come get your money and pick what you'll be buying for the holiday, kids. Keep in mind that you should always think about what your prospective or current partner actually likes rather than what the holiday tells you they should want, yeah?"

"Especially if you're going the puppy or kitten or pet eel route," Steve agreed.

"...pet eel?" Tony echoed, tilting his head in confusion.

He shrugged. "Trying to give non standard options."

Clearly Tony had been on the internet too much because that suggestion took a traumatizing turn in his head.

"Good rule is no pets and no tattoos," Tony replied. "Kiss of death to a relationship, getting their name inked on you."

"Personal experience?" Steve teased.

Tony tried not to laugh at that, shaking his head. "I don't know where you think I might be hiding a tattoo, Rogers." Then cleared his throat and looked back at the class. "Since this'll be our last class of the summer session, we brought some chocolates for you all to enjoy as well."

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"Pretty sure I found a photoshopped picture of you wearing one," Steve muttered.

And yeah, he'd looked good.

"Oh god, please don't look at photoshops or fanart," Tony said, groaning at the thought.

It only ended in tears. Sometimes of laughter.

"I think JARVIS has a filter," Steve said.

"It's good for sanity," Tony assured him. He even kindly offered from his box of chocolates. "And keeping you from threatening to punch someone."

Steve's cheeks went pink. "They deserved it. Don't think they believed it was really me, anyway."

Tony shook his head, laughing quietly. "You have some very aggressive fans out there, sunshine."

And that wasn't even counting Bucky.

"It's still weird," Steve admitted, "having fans."

"Better than enemies." Which... could be sort of the same thing sometimes.

"I get marriage proposals from people who have never met me," Steve said. "It's weird."

Excuse Tony for laughing again, this time much louder. "Do I get to be in the wedding party at least? I'll be crushed otherwise."

"I don't say yes," Steve said, blushing hard.

"Just tell them you're flattered do that 'aw shucks' thing before making an escape," Tony suggested. "Just be glad you don't get the 'the baby is yours' thing."

Steve burst out laughing. "How many of those do you get a month? I can testify as a character witness if any of them are recent."

"At least once a month since I was a teenager," Tony replied. "I learned a healthy appreciation for contraceptives."

"I had to do a public service announcement for high school kids on using protection," Steve said. "It was Coulson's idea."

"Oh god, did you blush your way through it?" Because Tony would shamelessly pay money to see that.

Maybe.

"I was wearing the cowl," he said.

"That sounds like a yes," he teased.

Steve poked him. "Shush."

It was totally a yes.

"Oh, Captain," Tony said in a swooning falsetto. "Teach me about protection."

Steve put on his heartiest Captain America voice. "Condoms! I take one everywhere I take my penis!"

Well, hopefully the class wouldn't be too upset that Tony was practically cackling at that. "My hero."

Steve grinned. "Not technically from the 40s, and Fury wasn't pleased that I tried to write my own script, but they had me doing a lot of those things. I had to do one to play to poor kids in detention."

"You either created new villains or gained more people asking you to marry them," Tony said. "You know, I've never seen detention outside of TV and movies."

"Me either," Steve said. "I didn't get in that kind of trouble at school. We waited until after school."

Re: Talk to the Teachers

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