Alien Conspiracy Theories, Friday, Second Period

[stickitupmyjinx]

"In case you're despairing at the current state of American politics--see also, the stack of forms on my coffee table right now for my application for Canadian citizenship--don't worry! According to twelve million Americans--which means, on average, one in twenty-five people believe this--this is all part of the plan of the lizard people more properly called reptilians who are our secret overlords, either shapeshifting or wearing human suits to blend in among us. I mean, it explains why Donald Trump and Steve Bannon look like that, at least, right? They're wearing meta for Edgar suits." Vanessa paused. "Most of you probably won't get that reference. Other definite lizard people include Donald Rumsfeld, who wouldn't deny it during a radio interview, Dick Cheney, the Queen of England, and Mark Zuckerberg. But not Melania. She's just had too much plastic surgery. And a Canadian politician who was accused of being a kitten-eating lizard person, which we all know is even worse than a normal reptilian, who just eats humans. Apparently there are native reptilians and non-native, or invasive, I guess, reptilians, who don't like each other, which explains why Queen Elizabeth finds herself among such miserable company. Personally, I think this theory has a lot going for it, as it frees me of being part of the same species as Donald Trump. Now, let's discuss which public figures we think are definitely a lizard person. Like, do we think it's the whole royal family, or is Kate a mammal? Can she really naturally have hair that shiny?"

Comments

Re: During the Lecture

[era_two_triangle]

Preidot was... so... so lost. She was trying to follow. Heck, she was even taking notes. But none of those names meant anything to her, and for all she knew, there could be lizard people out there.

Or sneeple. There were probably sneeple.