fandomhigh | How To Science Things All Sciencily, Monday

Philomena wandered into class five minutes late without paying attention to the class. In fact, she walked to the window and peered, lost in thought for at least another three minutes, before half-turning and startling.

"Oh," she said, "You're still here."

Had they been here all week? Had she hallucinated them leaving? Perhaps they were time-jumpers.

"I was just caught by the leaves," she explained. "Strange things, aren't they? I keep wondering, how are they up there? And why are they attached to the trees like some strange hand-shaped parasite? Do the trees even know that they are on there, and if so, don't they long for a shave or some kind of... tree doctor to come fix it for them?"

She peered back outside.

"I used to wonder why they changed color in fall, but I found out about that, and it's absolutely disgusting," she said. "There's this stuff inside of them called chlorophiles, and they gnaw on sunlight, like a deranged vagina dentata."

She shivered. "It just ain't right," she muttered. "It just ain't right."

She turned back to the class. "So this is a class about sciencing, so we should probably do like proper science men and get samples," she said. "I want you to go out and get some samples and glue them to a piece of paper, so you can wave 'em around to ward off the others, like a sort of warning. Just be careful, 'cos the leaves have got skeletons, and nothing good ever came from a skeleton you can eat."

After finishing that line of thought, she looked at the class expectantly.

"Well? Off you go."