fandomhigh | Iron Fandom, Wednesday

So...Kathy and Raven were teaching a class. Well, sorta. Did a summer workshop session really count as a class? Or maybe it counted as a class, but it didn't actually make them teachers. Kathy didn't think she was ready for the responsibility of being a teacher. But overseeing a workshop based on a reality TV show she and Raven had mainlined for a few days? Yeah, that was almost small enough to wrap her brain around.

Ignore the way she was wringing her hands up until class started though. That was totally unrelated. Really.

Raven was kind of wishing she had some cheeseburgers to stress eat her way through, like she'd done at the welcome picnic. But it seemed kind of tacky to do that when you were planning to, you know, judge your students' food. She was supposed to keep her palate clean. Or something. So she was stress eating her nails instead. Or gnawing on them, anyway. She had full control over the shape and length of her nails at all times, so biting them off tended to get a little . . . uncomfortable.

"Um," she said, when it seemed like the whole class was here. All . . . three of them. They were all kind of dwarfed by the Danger Shop's current dramatic kitchen set up. At least everyone would have lots of room to spread out?

Hurray.

"Hi. Welcome to. . . ." She paused briefly for the proper reality show dramatic effect. "Iron Fandom."

That was immediately followed by a appropriate musical sting because your ~~teach—~~ workshop leaders were giant nerds and had spent part of their brainstorming session last night getting the appropriate musical files onto their phones. Yes. As indicated by the way Raven swallowed a giggle-snort and shot a glance sideways at Kathy as the sting played.

Kathy was also grinning, but tried to hide it as she took up the thread of the, uhh, lecture? Were they really going to try calling it that? (Please. This was totally the cold open.) "In case you're unfamiliar with the show that gave our class the name, class will be organized around a different ingredient each week. You'll be expected to prepare three different dishes that features that ingredient: an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert. Because class is only an hour long, you've got to take timing into account—your soup might be delicious, but it won't win you points if it's not ready by the time the..." she paused, then pointed dramatically behind her "...Iron Fandom clock hits the fifty minute mark."

The musical sting played again. Raven looked innocent, as though her finger weren't clearly hitting the play button on an app on her phone.

So subtle, these two.

"Because time is so limited, we have, of course, provided you with sous chefs to help you with your preparation," Kathy continued, nodding. On cue, three Eliot Spencer lookalikes walked out of the shadows to stand behind the individual cooking prep areas, each twirling a wicked-looking knife. "Your sous chefs can handle basic orders and take directions, but they will not be able to offer suggestions or take the lead on your dishes. You're the head chef on....Iron Fandom."

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!

"However, talking to each other and offering advice or suggestions is not only allowed but encouraged," Kathy continued earnestly. "You may not be working together, but you're still classmates. Have fun with this!"

"Please ignore that your sous chefs kind of look like serial killers," Raven said, eyeing the lookalikes with a small smirk. "It's our first week, so we're going to take it easy on you. We'll do ye olde introductions, of course, then you can get started on your first secret ingredient challenge. . . ." Another dramatic pause. "Rice."

So that was a little bit anticlimactic. At least the sous chefs all whipped the covers off the secret ingredient baskets at each station in unison?

"Rice is a cereal grain eaten pretty much the world over and, is the number one staple food for a huge percentage of the world's population," Kathy said, because it was less of a blow-off class if they provided some factual information, right? "Worldwide, it's the third-largest agricultural production, and the most important grain in regards to human nutrition and caloric intake. Every major cuisine features rice dishes, so when you're preparing your food today, think outside of your regional habits. There are also over forty-thousand different varieties of rice, so don't stick to Uncle Ben's Minute rice. Experiment! Explore! Check out our enormous pantry and use whatever you find in there to help make your dishes as flavorful as possible."

They had totally stolen the pantry from another cooking show and then just programmed all logos to be IFs instead. Good job, ladies.

"But before you get cooking," Raven said, "tell our studio audience . . . or, you know, each other and your hosts-slash-judges . . . a little about yourselves. You know the drill: name, why you signed up for this workshop . . . Kathy, what was the last thing?"

"Dietary restrictions!" Kathy replied. "Please let us know any dietary restrictions you have, whether they're cultural, religious, health, or otherwise! This way, we can make sure that any future challenges we offer take those into account!"

It was possible that someone had had nightmares about presenting gluten challenges for a classroom full of people with Celiac disease.

"Oh! We'll start. I'm Raven. I'm here because the couch in our apartment is starting to reshape itself to my basic form and that's creepy. And I'll eat pretty much anything." She gave an awkward grimace. "Kiiiiiiiind of literally these days."

Look, when you had to hunt and forage your own food for nine months, you stopped really balking at anything even remotely digestible.

"And I'm Kathy, I'm here because it apparently seemed like a good idea at the time to someone—" was that too honest? Ah well. "—and I'm a vegetarian, at least for now." She was working on reintroducing meat back into her diet, but it was slow going. "You can still cook with meat though! I'll figure something out, don't worry about it."

Raven made a show of dramatically waving her finger from student to student for a few moments before landing on pointing to one of them. "Now you."

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"Ohh," Kathy said, nodding like she could relate.

Which she couldn't. Her idea of a wild evening had involved putting on rainbows and fighting crime in Baltimore.

"And it takes the tabloids years to realize that who you were at twenty is not who you are at..." She looked at him and gauged "...mid-thirties?"

That would have been something for Tony. It probably would have ended with partying with Dazzler.

"Mid-thirties works." Verging on late, oh god he was getting old. Oh god. "And then Iron Man happened, and then... a lot of things."

"Oh! You're Iron Man!" Kathy said, snapping her fingers. "In the armor and with the lasers."

Seriously, Kathy, keep up.

"But yeah. I get 'a lot of things,'" she added. "Stuff gets a lot more complicated than you originally expected when you first pull on the suit."