Iron Fandom, Wednesday

[spin_kick_snap]

So...Kathy and Raven were teaching a class. Well, sorta. Did a summer workshop session really count as a class? Or maybe it counted as a class, but it didn't actually make them teachers. Kathy didn't think she was ready for the responsibility of being a teacher. But overseeing a workshop based on a reality TV show she and Raven had mainlined for a few days? Yeah, that was almost small enough to wrap her brain around.

Ignore the way she was wringing her hands up until class started though. That was totally unrelated. Really.

Raven was kind of wishing she had some cheeseburgers to stress eat her way through, like she'd done at the welcome picnic. But it seemed kind of tacky to do that when you were planning to, you know, judge your students' food. She was supposed to keep her palate clean. Or something. So she was stress eating her nails instead. Or gnawing on them, anyway. She had full control over the shape and length of her nails at all times, so biting them off tended to get a little . . . uncomfortable.

"Um," she said, when it seemed like the whole class was here. All . . . three of them. They were all kind of dwarfed by the Danger Shop's current dramatic kitchen set up. At least everyone would have lots of room to spread out?

Hurray.

"Hi. Welcome to. . . ." She paused briefly for the proper reality show dramatic effect. "Iron Fandom."

That was immediately followed by a appropriate musical sting because your teach— workshop leaders were giant nerds and had spent part of their brainstorming session last night getting the appropriate musical files onto their phones. Yes. As indicated by the way Raven swallowed a giggle-snort and shot a glance sideways at Kathy as the sting played.

Kathy was also grinning, but tried to hide it as she took up the thread of the, uhh, lecture? Were they really going to try calling it that? (Please. This was totally the cold open.) "In case you're unfamiliar with the show that gave our class the name, class will be organized around a different ingredient each week. You'll be expected to prepare three different dishes that features that ingredient: an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert. Because class is only an hour long, you've got to take timing into account—your soup might be delicious, but it won't win you points if it's not ready by the time the..." she paused, then pointed dramatically behind her "...Iron Fandom clock hits the fifty minute mark."

The musical sting played again. Raven looked innocent, as though her finger weren't clearly hitting the play button on an app on her phone.

So subtle, these two.

"Because time is so limited, we have, of course, provided you with sous chefs to help you with your preparation," Kathy continued, nodding. On cue, three Eliot Spencer lookalikes walked out of the shadows to stand behind the individual cooking prep areas, each twirling a wicked-looking knife. "Your sous chefs can handle basic orders and take directions, but they will not be able to offer suggestions or take the lead on your dishes. You're the head chef on....Iron Fandom."

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!

"However, talking to each other and offering advice or suggestions is not only allowed but encouraged," Kathy continued earnestly. "You may not be working together, but you're still classmates. Have fun with this!"

"Please ignore that your sous chefs kind of look like serial killers," Raven said, eyeing the lookalikes with a small smirk. "It's our first week, so we're going to take it easy on you. We'll do ye olde introductions, of course, then you can get started on your first secret ingredient challenge. . . ." Another dramatic pause. "Rice."

So that was a little bit anticlimactic. At least the sous chefs all whipped the covers off the secret ingredient baskets at each station in unison?

"Rice is a cereal grain eaten pretty much the world over and, is the number one staple food for a huge percentage of the world's population," Kathy said, because it was less of a blow-off class if they provided some factual information, right? "Worldwide, it's the third-largest agricultural production, and the most important grain in regards to human nutrition and caloric intake. Every major cuisine features rice dishes, so when you're preparing your food today, think outside of your regional habits. There are also over forty-thousand different varieties of rice, so don't stick to Uncle Ben's Minute rice. Experiment! Explore! Check out our enormous pantry and use whatever you find in there to help make your dishes as flavorful as possible."

They had totally stolen the pantry from another cooking show and then just programmed all logos to be IFs instead. Good job, ladies.

"But before you get cooking," Raven said, "tell our studio audience . . . or, you know, each other and your hosts-slash-judges . . . a little about yourselves. You know the drill: name, why you signed up for this workshop . . . Kathy, what was the last thing?"

"Dietary restrictions!" Kathy replied. "Please let us know any dietary restrictions you have, whether they're cultural, religious, health, or otherwise! This way, we can make sure that any future challenges we offer take those into account!"

It was possible that someone had had nightmares about presenting gluten challenges for a classroom full of people with Celiac disease.

"Oh! We'll start. I'm Raven. I'm here because the couch in our apartment is starting to reshape itself to my basic form and that's creepy. And I'll eat pretty much anything." She gave an awkward grimace. "Kiiiiiiiind of literally these days."

Look, when you had to hunt and forage your own food for nine months, you stopped really balking at anything even remotely digestible.

"And I'm Kathy, I'm here because it apparently seemed like a good idea at the time to someone—" was that too honest? Ah well. "—and I'm a vegetarian, at least for now." She was working on reintroducing meat back into her diet, but it was slow going. "You can still cook with meat though! I'll figure something out, don't worry about it."

Raven made a show of dramatically waving her finger from student to student for a few moments before landing on pointing to one of them. "Now you."

Comments

Sign In

[spin_kick_snap]

Like you're on a confessional camera

Re: Sign In

[sprinklesgoboom]

Pinkie Pie

Re: Sign In

[omgnochecksyet]

Eric Bittle

Re: Sign In

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo Noyamano

Listen to the Cold Open

[spin_kick_snap]

It really isn't much of a lecture. Except the bit about the cultural importance of rice.

Re: Listen to the Cold Open

[sprinklesgoboom]

Pinkie was a little distracted from the lecture itself. She was doing alright following along until the bit about the sous chefs. . . .

Then she ended up braiding her sous chef's hair.

Re: Listen to the Cold Open

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo did not need to be convinced of the importance of rice.

Which was good because she was kind of distracted trying to wrap her head around the fact that she'd actually signed up to take a class from two of her friends.

That was just weird.

Introductions

[spin_kick_snap]

Your name, why you're taking the class, and any dietary restrictions! And try to make it interesting, folks at home won't vote for you if you're not interesting. Not that there's folks at home. Or voting. Or elimination rounds.

Anyway.

Re: Introductions

[sprinklesgoboom]

Pinkie looked up startled from her hair braiding (her sous chef was looking a bit like Coolio now), then beamed. "I'm Pinkie Pie!" she said. "I love cooking — mostly desserts — and I lovelovelove a challenge! I can eat most anything so long as it has enough whipped cream on it, but I totally go a little woogie if I don't get enough sugar."

The bubblegum-and-cotton-candy colored girl lived on sugar. No one was surprised.

Re: Introductions

[spin_kick_snap]

"Wait," Kathy said, boggling at the bright pink girl. "You got turned into a human?!"

Re: Introductions

[omgnochecksyet]

"Eric Bittle, I'm taking this class because I also love cooking, and desserts," he said, with a grin and a nod in Pinkie's direction. "And I figure I could get some good material for my vlog out of this class. And I don't have any dietary restrictions myself." You know, unless they had to do a challenge where they had to make anything dextro-protein-based, but even then, he'd had some practice with that, at least.

Re: Introductions

[tigerundercover]

"You have a vlog?" Raven asked. "Is it dramatic? Would it be weird if we watched it?"

Re: Introductions

[soniaroadsqueen]

"Um. My name is Ringo Noyamano?" Ringo looked around, feeling weird introducing herself when she knew everyone to some degree or another. "And I've taken a couple of other cooking classes since I got to Fandom? Also, um, I know the teachers?"

Teachers?

Well, whatever their role was.

Re: Introductions

[spin_kick_snap]

"We're not teachers!" Kathy said quickly. "At best we're 'workshop facilitators!'"

Kathy was clinging to that for as long as possible.

Cook!

[spin_kick_snap]

That's an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert using the secret ingredient rice. Kathy and Raven will be by to bug you and peer at your work as you go.

Re: Cook!

[soniaroadsqueen]

Fortunately, Ringo was pretty comfortable cooking rice. At least as long as the dishes were simple.

So she settled on onigiri as an appetizer, which was simple enough, and gyūdon she could practically make while asleep.

She also figured that, while she'd never made it before, batamochi was basically just rice, so it should be super-easy to make. Half an hour into her time, when she checked the recipe, she had a little panic attack because she definitely did not have six hours to let them soak.

She tried to figure out a work-around, but it ended up being a disaster of under-cooked rice and azuki paste. Not her best work. At all.

Judging!

[spin_kick_snap]

EVERYONE WINS IN WEEK ONE! You're all wonderful! Mmm, rice!

So basically this one could have been called...Eating! Do that! Om nom nom. Don't forget to share!

Talk to your hosts/judges

[spin_kick_snap]

No seriously, don't call them teachers. No one wants to see the panic attacks that might ensue.

Re: Talk to your hosts/judges

[tigerundercover]

It was funny, but once the class got going, Raven felt just fine about the whole thing.

The silly musical sting and dramatic pauses helped. A lot. It was hard to worry about, well, much of anything when you were pretending to be a cartoon character.

Re: Talk to your hosts/judges

[imafuturist]

And it's be rude to neglect the other teacher, so there was also coffee presented to Raven. "I really hope both of you drink coffee or this gesture is ruined," he said cheerfully.

Re: Talk to your hosts/judges

[spin_kick_snap]

Whereas Kathy wasn't going to fully relax until the class had ended without a fire, an allergic reaction, a knife-related injury, a choking hazard, or any other of the possible emergencies she'd envisioned in this class.

Re: Talk to your hosts/judges

[tigerundercover]

"Breathe," Raven reminded her. "We're not getting graded on this."

Re: Talk to your hosts/judges

[imafuturist]

Having missed his 'teaching buddy at the picnic, Tony went with showing up on the first class.

On the plus side, he'd brought coffee and pastries. (Store bought because oh god remember why he taught ordering takout.)

"Nervous?"

OOC

[spin_kick_snap]

Re: OOC

[onefootoutthedoor]

OH HI ORIGINAL JAPANESE VALJEAN.

(Side note, I got as far as "Oh god there are more" and lost my shit laughing.)