fandomhigh | Practical Diplomacy, Friday, March 10, 2017

Practical Diplomacy, Friday, March 10, 2017

Today's class was held in the Danger Shop, with dozens of beings (male, female, and none-of-your-business) wandering around in business attire, drinking from wine glasses and eating needlessly fussy appetizers. "Welcome to a diplomatic reception," Anakin said with a little sigh. "The most tedious places on any given planet."

"If you don't know how to comport yourself," said Obi-Wan. (Who was lying. He found them tedious, too.) "But comporting one's self can be... something of a trial, yes."

"The alcohol that helps to make them less horrible can lead to other problems: talking out of turn, telling someone what you really think, getting sick in someone important's potted plant...so you will not be allowed to have alcohol here," Anakin said. "The guests you will interact with...do not have that restriction."

So now you also have to talk to potentially drunk people! Yay, you!

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Really, Peridot... had no idea what to do in a situation like this. Diplomacy was best left to higher-ranking Gems. Sapphires, maybe. She...

She was a Peridot. And so she was going to stand around, squinting as she inspected the room and the occupants of it, mostly just hoping that nobody would notice her down there.

"Hello," an older woman said, smiling down at her. "What brought you here?"

Peridot peered up... and up... at the woman who had approached her, and then, kind of awkwardly, pointed at herself in question.

"Me? I'm supposed to be here learning how to be... diplomatic."

That word still felt weird on her tongue.

"It's much easier to be diplomatic when you've had a glass of wine, dear," she counseled.

Oh, this was going to end horribly.

"What's wine?"

"What's wine? Oh, lamb, have you come to a diplomatic function without knowing how to drink? You're doomed!"

"I don't know how to eat, either," Peridot offered. "Food and drink are unnecessary materials that my body doesn't require in order to function."

She paused a moment, and then added, "How doomed?"

"Fairly doomed if you can't hide behind a plate of food or a glass of something to drink," she replied. "They're classic avoidance techniques."

"Is avoidance diplomatic?"

Look, it was a fair question!

"What if I get something to hide behind, but don't put it into my mouth?"

"That could work," the lady said. "Most of the beings here are astoundingly self-centered and wouldn't notice if you're not really eating or drinking."

There was a long pause for consideration, and then Peridot wondered, "But what do I do if they do notice?"

"Pretend to see someone across the way from you that you have to talk to," the lady said, "and run away. Diplomatically."

"Oh, I can do that!"

Lady, you were making Peridot far too excited to just stand around looking super interested in food that was never going to make it into her mouth.

"I'll be so diplomatic!"

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Practical Diplomacy, Friday, March 10, 2017

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