Journalism Class - Wednesday September 14

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

The cat is absent today, thankfully, as it's been leaving hairballs and cigarette butts 'round the classroom. Spider comes in with a steaming mug of flavored coffee and an evil grin. He's left his jacket and shoes someplace again and probably just crawled out of bed five minutes ago.

Setting up his laptop and carefully placing the coffee to one side he dictates to the large screen behind the desk. "Transcribe - Welcome class, as I know some of you will be straggling in late I'm going to just put today's class exercise up here where you can all see it. One of the least welcome jobs in most major periodicals is putting together the obituary section. Let's explore the fun that can be had with dead people, shall we? Today, I want you to choose a classmate, a schoolmate or a member of the faculty and put together an obituary. It can either follow a customary format or be composed as a sidebar to a standing obituary - a brief blub of dubious validity and humor. You have 50 words or less to get the point across. Enjoy. Transcription - End."

Spider turned and slumped behind his desk, taking a careful sip of the hot coffee and turning his attention to his laptop. After a moment, he spoke again. "Transcribe - Homework is due by midnight. Pass or Fail doesn't matter, the homework must be present. If you've participated in class, I might blink at it this time, as some students have only been with us a few days. However, not turning in homework and/or not participating in at least two classes a week will get you thrown out of my class. Transcription - End."




((OOC: Links to all classes and all homework, sorted by date, are on Prof. Jerusalem's info page. I've mentioned the homework thing about five times now. No excuses for failing to at least post a comment in the homework entry with a lame excuse of some kind for not turning it in will be accepted.))

Comments

[e-verdigris.livejournal.com]

Socialite Dead, Cause Unknown

Popular teen Quinn Morgendorffer was found dead today in her dorm room at Fandom High. Among her personal affects were a physics book and a slide rule. The baffled coroner reported, "It looks as though her brain simply exploded."

(OOC - totally phoned it in, but I'm still working on my first homework assignment...)

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

((Any response is a good response. I'm trying to make it so that people will want to read and participate in the classes or at least be amused by them, otherwise there's really no point.))

[sooo_cute]

(OOC: HEE)

[the4thsister.livejournal.com]

*Paige walks in, drops her homework entitled "Men- the root of all Evil" on the desk and tells the professor she'd like to drop the class*

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

Spider passes her the proper forms and deletes her from the class roster. "Enjoy whatever you decide to do."

[maias-notebook.livejournal.com]

Wannabe psychic mparker16 died early this morning as a result of an allergic reaction, seems Ms. Parker should have used her 'psychic abilities' to keep herself alive.

Obituary Homework

[sensethevisions]

In a tragic accident today, Security Officer Rover rolled into a minefield while chasing what he thought was a criminal. There were white pieces of rubber scattered for miles. No one was around for comment, but there seemed to be several snickers from hidden locations.

Obituary assignment

[mycanonhatesme]

John Crichton was found dead in his room early Tuesday morning. Police declared the cause of death to be accidental asphyxiation caused by a failed attempt to mimic a complicated sexual position from a manual found near the deceased. Crichton is survived by girlfriend Aeryn Sun, and boyfriend Lee Adama.

Re: Obituary assignment

[medusae-x.livejournal.com]

*splrf!*

Re: Obituary assignment

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

OMG!

I AM NOT GAY!

[medusae-x.livejournal.com]

Fandom High student leeadama found dead yesterday morning in the high school commons area. The preliminary coroner's report indicates death was caused by severe rectal hemorrhage. The body also had evidence of intracerebral hemorrahage. A large stick found nearby has clouded the investigation, and the coroners are stumped. Dr. Miles Gervais was quoted as saying, "We haven't completed the investigation yet, but it sure looks like something heavy was pulled out of [there]." A memorial will be held in the Fandom High auditorium on Friday.

[i-love-manolos.livejournal.com]

"Fandom High student Maia Rutledge was found dead yesterday. The death seeemed to have been caused by major blood loss, most of it from two pinprick-sized holes, about an inch apart, in the deceased's neck. No other information is available at this time, save that there was a rose pinned to the clothing of the deceased. A service for Miss Rutledge will be announced pending notification of next of kin."

*thinks "Morbid much? This is not my kind of writing. . .*

Professor Jerusalem, I intend to have all the makeup homework on your desk by tomorrow. Sorry about the delay, sir.

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

As a late entry to the class due to my own misfiled paperwork, an extra day is easily allowable.

Obituary assignment

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

In a tragic turn of events, young Max Fischer (sometimes known as rushmore_yankee) was found deceased in his dorm room some time early Tuesday morning. Cause of death is believed to be blunt force trauma, and while the murder weapon and suspects were not available at press time, a suspicious number of students did seem eerily happy. Fischer's classmate and neighbor, who wishes to remain anonymous, did have this to say: "Max wasn't very popular, but he was a sweet guy. Sure, he was a little full of himself, and he would get right in under my nose if I wasn't listening to him, and he might have been sort of...outspoken, but I don't see why anyone would kill him. Okay, maybe I do, but I didn't do it, nor did I help whoever did."

Re: Obituary assignment

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

_{[ooc: That alibi's still holding up, right?]}

[soldtoarmenians]

Early this morning, notsouledyet was found dead in his dorm room by his completely non-grieving roommate. Just like yesterday morning, and the morning before that. Said roommate's only comment on the discovery was, "Can't he be found dead in the dumpster behind the cafeteria some morning, just for variety?"

[courier-gavin.livejournal.com]

Heeee!

[courier-gavin.livejournal.com]

Shuffling in as was his wont, Jake was at his desk before he sat up straight and looked around the room, nose visibly vibrating. He looked closely at the desks and hands of all his classmates, at one point almost bending over double to manage it, before his gaze was towards the Professor.

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

Typing furiously, Spider's hand would occasionally shoot out and fumble around for the enormous mug of flavored coffee beside him.

[forlornslayer.livejournal.com]

In a tragic turn of events this evening, the married couple Heart and Soul were found dead. Though no one knows what really happened, it appears that the once happy couple turned violent on each other and died almost simultaneously. They are survived by their children Rage, Despair and Angst.

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

Very well done.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

In a tragic turn of events, Miss [insert first name] Parker was killed today by WalMartitis. Seems she went cheap on her shoes, tripped when the heel broke and fell down an elevator shaft. Unfortunate.

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

_{*Parker reads this and snorts. "And he wonders why I don't shop retail."*}

[fh_jackass]

In a startling turn of events, Logan Echolls was found dead in his residence this morning. Cause of death is still unknown, but local detective Veronica Mars is on the case. Thus far, she's accused all his roommates, two of his teachers, three townsfolk and a big white ball. None have confessed.

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

((OOC: *hysterical laughter*))

[lady-jessica-bg.livejournal.com]

DEATH, a former resident of Discworld, died today of unknown causes. The only clues as to the cause of death involve a squeaking rat, some cheese, and a finger in a bowl of chili.

[marieann-d.livejournal.com]

Muscleman and known man-whore Jayne Cobb, was found dead today. The police questioned one Rogue (given name unknown), as he apparently died in her room. "I warned him not to come snooping 'round my things anymore," was her only statement. There were no obvious signs of murder, but the witness has been acting strangely and trying to get everyone and their principal in bed. The police are suspicious.

[krycek-rat.livejournal.com]

Fandom Highschool student Jake Gavin Jr passed away yesterday after several weeks of a hyperglycemia-induced coma, finally succumbing to dehydration. His body has been ground and buried in a can behind The Perkolator during a private service.

He is survived by a bendy straw and coffee plants worldwide.

Obit assignment

[2ls-in-oneill.livejournal.com]

Teacher and former Spacemonkey archeologist Daniel "Jackdon'ttouchthat" Jackson confirmed dead today. Again. When reached for comment the deceased's friend Murray Murrayson was noted as saying "It appears that DanielJackson has indeed ceased living yet again. I was informed this was not in fact customary for your people."

Do I get extra credit if I do more then one?

Re: Obit assignment

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

Extra-credit is assigned for anything that you do during class AND for any extra homework. So yes.

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

Fandom High faculty member ten_and_chips died tragically today when he was incinerated by a fireball created when a homemade whiskey still exploded in the backyard of a nearby home, lobbing a flaming orb of death towards the phone booth which the deceased was inhabiting at the time. He will be missed.

[[OOC: *imitates local radio announcer* Once again, the name of the deceased . . . Doctor. Who.]]

[marsheadtilt.livejournal.com]

Fandom High student, Rory Gilmore was found dead in her dorm room today from unnamed causes. Police are questioning several of her fellow students and have found that Ms. Gilmore was sleeping with several of her so-called friends boyfriends.

[fh_jackass]

Me-ow!

OBITUARY ASSIGNMENT

[valentine-tart.livejournal.com]

Tuesday evening at time undetermined, wraithbaitjohn perished from testicular strangulation from too-tight jeans. Found in his room: a message from Rodney McKay: I’m coming for you, John. Just hang in there.

Re: OBITUARY ASSIGNMENT

[jerusalem-s.livejournal.com]

*chokes*