fandomhigh | What NOT To Do In A Fight / Wednesday, Period III / Week 3

After ~~handwavily~~ informing class to dress in clothing they didn’t mind getting dirty and to meet up in the danger shop, they were greeted by the most awesome of all things:

Paintball. Enough paintball guns of different sizes and shapes for everyone to have two, even.

"Now, we have a couple things to cover, since most people seem to learn how to use firearms from television and not actual instruction," Ghanima said. "Such as there is no such thing as a bottomless magazine - you always need to reload - and it's nearly impossible to walk, let alone run and fire a weapon with any accuracy. Learn poison instead," Ghanima suggested. "...Which is not this class."

Yet. Sadly.

"Holding your gun sideways does nothing but throw off your aim unless you’ve spent all your time practicing it just like that. If you have been practicing that, there are better things you should be spending your time on." Not that Ghanima was biased or anything, except that she was. "And unless you’re not firing real guns or have the right amount of upper body strength to deal with the Mexican stand off that will come from it, don’t use two guns at once. It merely doubles your chances of missing entirely or causing collateral damage."

"Not to mention the sheer number of movies that teach you people how to use firearms fails gun safety forever," she continued. "And you cannot just 'aim to wound' or blast a gun out of someone's hand without injuring them. There's also no such thing as a flesh wound in real life. There's no 'safe' place to shoot a person, not even in a seemingly non-vital extremity like a leg or arm. So don't try it, you'll just feel guilty when you fail."

"So today, you get to have fun and not worry about any of that, or you can try and practice proper firing techniques." With one smooth motion, Ghanima pulled a small paintgun from the sleeve of her tunic and fired a pink, glittery round at a student. "All guns are already loaded, because you should always assume a weapon is loaded. Begin."

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"And you just wandered onto the first shuttle you could find?"

"Yeah?" It wasn't the ruins of Helios and he wasn't being attacked. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

But, this being Rhys, it wasn't. Try to keep from being shocked.

". . . well okay then."

What else was she supposed to say to that?

"At least you managed to find a place that only gets attacked semi-regularly, instead of, like, a murder island."

"Is there a murder island?" Because, honestly, he wouldn't be surprised.

"If there's a whole murder planet, an island doesn't seem like much of a stretch."

"It's moon was pretty murderous too," Rhys replied. "Even the plants wanted to kill you. And people live there."

"They must be getting paid a heck of a lot of money," Tip observed. "Or been dragged there as punishment or something." Australia apparently had its share of plants and animals that wanted to kill you, after all.

"...I think it was a Dahl prison planet for a while," Rhys said like it was dawning on him.

And yet the Aussies lived on Elpis. Imagine that.

It was entirely possible that the Aussies knew better than to find themselves another murder home.

"There, see?" Tip said. "You can't blame people for living where they were born. It's the ones that move there that should get the stink eye."

He could and would! And then would feel sad and miss Sasha and Fiona a little bit. But not August. Fuck that guy.

"And then there were Hyperion settlers. That... was not a success."

"Ugh," Tip said. "Colonists."

She had Opinions about colonialism, yes.

Rhys was forced to agree, but only on grounds that it had been Jack's plan. And he was a petty, petty man.

"Yeah," he agreed with a sigh. "Everything about that place sucks."

"Sounds like." Tip side-eyed him. "That's not where your office was, was it?"

"No, I worked on Helios." Oh, right. No one knew Hyperion here. "It was a space station orbiting Pandora. Which then crashed onto Pandora. And now I'm here."

And clearly he had nothing to do with the crashing. Nothing at all.

"So -- you crashed into a murder planet, and then woke up in an airport on Earth, and wandered off to go to school here."

Had he considered that the universe might hate him?

The universe totally hated him. Because she didn't even know about the rest of the ordeal on Pandora. Or Jack. Or ripping his own cybernetics out in the worst QTE ever. Ugh. Dry heaving. Forever dry heaving.

"...it's... it's a long story."

"Fair," Tip said. "But I'd definitely look for a better office location next time. Maybe with less proximity to something people use the word 'murder' to describe."

"Yeah, maybe." He both hated to place and never wanted to see it again... and missed it and desperately needed to get back there. Because Vaughn and, grudgingly, Yvette. If they were still alive. "It was sort of the place to be for a promotion."

Possibly due to all the murder.

"No offense, but your priorities are warped."

"Yeah, I've heard that before." Clearly no one understood the need to get ahead in a hellish corporate oligarchy.

Most people probably would prefer to get out of a hellish corporate oligarchy.

"Well. Just so you know."

What NOT To Do In A Fight / Wednesday, Period III / Week 3

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