Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

[hollywoostar]

Mr. Peanutbutter lounged at the teacher's desk as the students filed in. His feet, clad in purple high top sneakers, were propped up on the desk, his arms folded behind his head, his sunglasses in place over his eyes. His mouth was open, showing his full set of gleaming Hollywoo-white canine fangs. His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth.

Every now and then he twitched, paws moving as though he were dreaming about chasing rabbits. But that was silly, he hadn't chased any rabbits since he was in high school! And it was always consensual chasing. It isn't nice to chase rabbits who aren't interested in being chased, no matter how short their skirts are.

At precisely the time that the class period was to start, an old-fashioned school bell rang. Was that bell always there? Unimportant. It's there now, and it's going to ring at the start and end of every one of Mr. Peanutbutter's classes. Better get used to that now, kids.

Mr. Peanutbutter awoke with a start and let out three barks, his sunglasses sliding down his muzzle to show his wide eyes. Then he blinked, yawned theatrically, and slid his sunglasses up to their customary position on top of his head. "Oh hi there!" he said, smiling charmingly at the class. "I didn't see you come in. Is it time for class already?" He chuckled. "Oh my, where does the time go."

He stood up and walked around his desk like an actor hitting his next mark, and leaned casually against it. "Welcome to Learnin' With Mr. Peanutbutter. Before we get started, let me just pass out some worksheets, here. Nothing to be worried about, just standard contracts: you agree to be filmed, your image and name can be used in promotional material by the network in perpetuity, you'll never sue, yadda yadda. This really should have been taken care of before I even got out to set this morning, but you know how reality television can be. Hoo boy!" He finished passing out the papers, which were photocopied pages of college ruled notebook paper with 'YOU'RE IN MY SHOW!' written on them, a little drawing of Mr. Peanutbutter doing a thumbs up in the corner, and a slightly squiggly line with an X next to it for the signature. He dusted his paws off and rested them on his hips.

"Now that that's taken care of --" though, no, he had not confirmed in any way at all that any of those contracts were signed, not that it mattered, as he didn't have any cameras, this wasn't a set, and the reason his producers hadn't gotten the students' contracts signed ahead of time was that they were in Detroit, wondering where the hell their star was already. "-- Let's get down to business, shall we? The business -- of learning!" He winked at the students and chuckled again. "It's our first class together, so you know what that means: time for me to shock you all out of your teenage ennui with unconventional teaching style. You!" He pointed suddenly at a student in the front row. "Up on your desk and introduce yourself! Now, student!" he barked. Literally. Then howled, then cut himself off with another friendly chuckle. "Very nice." Once again, he made no move to make sure his orders were actually being followed. "All of you, up on your desks! It's a classic for a reason! Tell me your names or any random thing you've just now decided to be called for the entire remainder of your high school career! Then tell me your hopes and dreams! All of them! We've got time!"

They did not have time.

Comments

Introductions

[hollywoostar]

Name -- or anything else so long as you don't mind Mr. Peanutbutter calling you that for the rest of the semester -- and your hopes and dreams.

Re: Introductions

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna was the kind of student who mostly did what she was told, as long as there weren't trees or fascinating distractions in her line of sight. Also, this seemed harmless, if hilarious.

So, on top of the desk she stood, feeling supremely awkward. Awk.

"I'm Hanna, I'm a senior, and ... my hope is to graduate high school and work up to owning my own tour boat. Possibly after college. Maybe."

Nicely vague, Hanna. Also she left off the hope 'to never have to kill anyone again', but why freak out any new kids who were staring at Mr. Peanutbutter any further?

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"An entrepreneur!" Mr. Peanutbutter clapped his hands together, his ears going up in delight. "That's wonderful, Hanna!" What? Did you think he'd get any names wrong? That was not Mr. Peanutbutter's style. He was going to remember your hopes and dreams forever, kids. Someday at a reunion he was going to ask you how those hopes and dreams went. "My friend Todd and I have started any number of entrepreneurial businesses. One of which actually made money!"

Re: Introductions

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"Really?" Don't giggle at the ears, Hanna. That would be rude. No matter how cute it was. "Which one was that?" She wouldn't have said she was dreaming of being an entrepreneur so much as never having anyone be the boss of her, but she'd like to know how to make that work too, so.

Re: Introductions

[seeks_truth]

"I am Cassandra," Cassandra said, barely containing an eyeroll. "And I hope and dream of leaving this school and returning to my work."

If only certain apostates could be less of a pain. (And the island would actually let her out again.)

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"You have a calling already," said Mr. Peanutbutter. "And so young! What's your work?"

Re: Introductions

[seeks_truth]

"I am a Seeker of Truth," Cassandra said.

Which surely told him everything.

Re: Introductions

[vrajna_kralis]

"I am Hyacinthe," he said, standing on his desk with a aplomb. He had no idea why they were doing this, but if the talking dog wanted him to stand on the desk, he was going to stand on the desk with all the flair he had. "And I will one day be the Prince of Travellers of Rue Cupole, Phedre will be my Queen of Courtesans, and and I will be the heir to my grandfather's kumpania."

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

Mr. Peanutbutter laughed. "I understood maybe half of that. I hope that things go well in your homeland and you don't get invaded by people who want to force democracy on you." Please stop, Mr. Peanutbutter. "You're very good at standing on desks. Have you done it before?"

Re: Introductions

[vrajna_kralis]

"What is democracy?" Hya asked, not realizing that Mr. Peanutbutter thought those were real titles (and wouldn't King Ganelon be amused by that? Oh right, no). "And no. But I have stood on many a table and far drunker than I am now, so perhaps that carries over."

Re: Introductions

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot was still looking skeptical as she clunked her way up onto the top of her desk.

...It was actually a pretty decent view from up here. Okay, tall people had it good.

"I'm Peridot, Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, and I hope to get off of Earth as soon as possible."

She wasn't supposed to be here! The island had been travelling! She had been safe!

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"You want to be an astronaut! I did too when I was younger. But, of course, only Russia was sending dogs into space. . . ."

Re: Introductions

[era_two_triangle]

"... What?" Peridot was trying to process that. One moment. "I've already been to space. I'm a Peridot. I'm certified to fly several forms of spacecraft, including Homeworld warships. I mean I don't want to be here."

Here was bad, PB. Here was super bad.

Re: Introductions

[spell_chucker]

These introductions had been tedious at the beginning of the week, so by now Khadgar was almost tempted to lie and make up something as strange as this teacher. But, there were students here he didn't know, so he went with the truth instead. "My name is Khadgar, and my hope is to improve my magical skills to be able to protect the people of my world against any enemies." He was going to leave out the part where he almost had that job and turned it down.

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"A magician! Do you do card tricks?"

Re: Introductions

[spell_chucker]

"Uh, not exactly," Khadgar said. "I'm a mage, it's more... casting spells to create things than doing tricks."

Re: Introductions

[got-hijacked.livejournal.com]

You did not want Rhys to stand on his desk, Mr. Peanutbutter. You seriously did not. But after so many others did it, he made his attempt.

"I'm Rhys," he said quickly. Because oh god, his balance was shit right now. Or always. "And my dreams are becoming CEO of a company."

But not Hyperion. Because he might have killed them. Maybe Atlas?

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"Attaboy," Mr. Peanutbutter cheered. "Shoot for the stars. Any sort of company in particular, or are you in it purely for business as a general concept?"

Re: Introductions

[got-hijacked.livejournal.com]

And all Rhy could think was of Jack's 'inspirational' messages.

Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you'll... something, something, stars!

Ah, good times.

"One that makes a lot of money."

Re: Introductions

[not_every_mage]

This was worse than being bossed around by mabari hounds, and Anders had never thought mabaris were worth half the fuss people made over them. But at least they never asked about his hopes and dreams.

"I'm Anders," he said anyhow. He stood on the death because standing on things was sort of fun. "I hope and dream of a world where mages are free."

He didn't say that just to tweak Cassandra, but it was in there.

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"Excellent! How much do they cost now?"

Mr. Peanutbutter had no idea what a mage was.

Re: Introductions

[faithseesred]

Faith didn't like the way this was headed at all.

"I'm Faith," she said, and she left a long pause before deciding... not to say anything else at all. No hopes and dreams for this gal!

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand. . . ?" Mr. Peanutbutter asked.

Re: Introductions

[notouchykuzco.livejournal.com]

"I'm Kuzco, you all already know that--or should--and I hope to stop living in the second floor common room and dream of my roommate disappearing under mysterious and not traceable to me circumstances."

That's....oddly specific, Kuzco.

Re: Introductions

[hollywoostar]

"Interesting," Mr. Peanutbutter said, rubbing his chin. This kid had 'star' written all over him. And not in a nice way. Still, if this were a voting off sort of program Kuzco would not get voted off quickly. "Tell us more about this contentious relationship you have with your roommate."