Learnin' with Mr. Peanutbutter, Thursday, period 1

[hollywoostar]

Mr. Peanutbutter lounged at the teacher's desk as the students filed in. His feet, clad in purple high top sneakers, were propped up on the desk, his arms folded behind his head, his sunglasses in place over his eyes. His mouth was open, showing his full set of gleaming Hollywoo-white canine fangs. His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth.

Every now and then he twitched, paws moving as though he were dreaming about chasing rabbits. But that was silly, he hadn't chased any rabbits since he was in high school! And it was always consensual chasing. It isn't nice to chase rabbits who aren't interested in being chased, no matter how short their skirts are.

At precisely the time that the class period was to start, an old-fashioned school bell rang. Was that bell always there? Unimportant. It's there now, and it's going to ring at the start and end of every one of Mr. Peanutbutter's classes. Better get used to that now, kids.

Mr. Peanutbutter awoke with a start and let out three barks, his sunglasses sliding down his muzzle to show his wide eyes. Then he blinked, yawned theatrically, and slid his sunglasses up to their customary position on top of his head. "Oh hi there!" he said, smiling charmingly at the class. "I didn't see you come in. Is it time for class already?" He chuckled. "Oh my, where does the time go."

He stood up and walked around his desk like an actor hitting his next mark, and leaned casually against it. "Welcome to Learnin' With Mr. Peanutbutter. Before we get started, let me just pass out some worksheets, here. Nothing to be worried about, just standard contracts: you agree to be filmed, your image and name can be used in promotional material by the network in perpetuity, you'll never sue, yadda yadda. This really should have been taken care of before I even got out to set this morning, but you know how reality television can be. Hoo boy!" He finished passing out the papers, which were photocopied pages of college ruled notebook paper with 'YOU'RE IN MY SHOW!' written on them, a little drawing of Mr. Peanutbutter doing a thumbs up in the corner, and a slightly squiggly line with an X next to it for the signature. He dusted his paws off and rested them on his hips.

"Now that that's taken care of --" though, no, he had not confirmed in any way at all that any of those contracts were signed, not that it mattered, as he didn't have any cameras, this wasn't a set, and the reason his producers hadn't gotten the students' contracts signed ahead of time was that they were in Detroit, wondering where the hell their star was already. "-- Let's get down to business, shall we? The business -- of learning!" He winked at the students and chuckled again. "It's our first class together, so you know what that means: time for me to shock you all out of your teenage ennui with unconventional teaching style. You!" He pointed suddenly at a student in the front row. "Up on your desk and introduce yourself! Now, student!" he barked. Literally. Then howled, then cut himself off with another friendly chuckle. "Very nice." Once again, he made no move to make sure his orders were actually being followed. "All of you, up on your desks! It's a classic for a reason! Tell me your names or any random thing you've just now decided to be called for the entire remainder of your high school career! Then tell me your hopes and dreams! All of them! We've got time!"

They did not have time.

Comments

Sign in

[hollywoostar]

Full of teenage ennui

Re: Sign in

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna Heller

Listen to the lecture

[hollywoostar]

Assuming you can get past the whole "anthropomorphic dog" thing fast enough to listen.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

...head of a dog. That was new. Hanna was mostly just blinking at this. And checking to make sure other people were seeing the same thing.

"Ennui?" she muttered under her breath. She was pretty sure she didn't have that.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[vrajna_kralis]

...Yeah no. Hyacinthe hadn't had a Pinkie Pie in his first semester on the island. So this was the first time Hyacinthe had seen an anthropomorphic animal. Talking to him. And teaching a class.

"..."

Re: Listen to the lecture

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot was mostly just assuming that Mr. Peanutbutter here was a crazy person. The dog head part didn't register with her so much, beyond 'probably another Earth thing.' But crazy? Yep. Easy.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[got-hijacked.livejournal.com]

"What?" Because what even. "Is this a joke? No, seriously. Is it?"

Safe to say he hadn't noticed Mr. Peanutbutter at the picnic.

Re: Listen to the lecture

[faithseesred]

Faith's eyes were saucer-wide and her mouth was slightly open. This was... unexpected.

Sign your contracts

[hollywoostar]

Literally, there is zero legalese on these. You could draw a picture of a bunny on that signature line and call it a day. Mr. Peanutbutter will wonder about you when he collects the papers at the end of class, but he will not judge. He has worked very hard to maintain a lifestyle of non-judgment. Every idea is a great idea, including having a bunny drawing as a signature!

Re: Sign your contracts

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna stared at the 'contract', then for once in her life, asked herself: What would Raven do?

Right.

Marissa Wiegler

Somewhere, she hoped Raven was proud of her.

Re: Sign your contracts

[seeks_truth]

There was a fair bit of squinting on Cassandra's part about the inanity of... this, at first.

"Ugh," she grunted.

She wrote Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast on the paper in somewhat choppy, so-many-handwriting-teachers-cried-in-despair-teaching-her-this handwriting, and shoved it aside just to be rid of it.

Re: Sign your contracts

[vrajna_kralis]

"...What is reality television?"

Oh, Hya no.

Re: Sign your contracts

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot squinted at the contract, trying to figure out the purpose of the things. She'd been created into a life of servitude; her mere existence was a contract. Still, after a bit more squinting for good measure, she shrugged and wrote her name, facet, and cut down on the paper.

In the Gem language. Which was more or less a squiggle that probably made at least marginally less sense than drawing a bunny would have, for what it was worth.

Re: Sign your contracts

[spell_chucker]

Khadgar was... wary of contracts, but he also didn't want to get into trouble, so he went ahead and signed his name.

Re: Sign your contracts

[got-hijacked.livejournal.com]

And Rhys spent waaaay too long looking at the contract because he didn't get as far as he did at Hyperion by being trusting of legal...ish documents.

But eventually signed. Grudgingly.

Re: Sign your contracts

[not_every_mage]

Anders' brain was still stuck on buh dog, and he wasn't one to worry overmuch about contracts. He scrawled his name without much thought.

And then went back to buh dog.

Re: Sign your contracts

[faithseesred]

Faith did not sign the contract. She was going to turn it in blank and play dumb if she was asked about it. She also looked around the room for cameras. If there were any, they were well-hidden.

Which was why she put her head on her desk and avoided eye contact.

Re: Sign your contracts

[notouchykuzco.livejournal.com]

Kuzco stared, then wrote YOU ARE A TALKING DOG NO on it and passed it up.

Introductions

[hollywoostar]

Name -- or anything else so long as you don't mind Mr. Peanutbutter calling you that for the rest of the semester -- and your hopes and dreams.

Re: Introductions

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna was the kind of student who mostly did what she was told, as long as there weren't trees or fascinating distractions in her line of sight. Also, this seemed harmless, if hilarious.

So, on top of the desk she stood, feeling supremely awkward. Awk.

"I'm Hanna, I'm a senior, and ... my hope is to graduate high school and work up to owning my own tour boat. Possibly after college. Maybe."

Nicely vague, Hanna. Also she left off the hope 'to never have to kill anyone again', but why freak out any new kids who were staring at Mr. Peanutbutter any further?

Re: Introductions

[seeks_truth]

"I am Cassandra," Cassandra said, barely containing an eyeroll. "And I hope and dream of leaving this school and returning to my work."

If only certain apostates could be less of a pain. (And the island would actually let her out again.)

Re: Introductions

[vrajna_kralis]

"I am Hyacinthe," he said, standing on his desk with a aplomb. He had no idea why they were doing this, but if the talking dog wanted him to stand on the desk, he was going to stand on the desk with all the flair he had. "And I will one day be the Prince of Travellers of Rue Cupole, Phedre will be my Queen of Courtesans, and and I will be the heir to my grandfather's kumpania."

Re: Introductions

[era_two_triangle]

Peridot was still looking skeptical as she clunked her way up onto the top of her desk.

...It was actually a pretty decent view from up here. Okay, tall people had it good.

"I'm Peridot, Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, and I hope to get off of Earth as soon as possible."

She wasn't supposed to be here! The island had been travelling! She had been safe!

Talk to Mr. Peanutbutter

[hollywoostar]

He would love to talk to you! One on one inspirational conversations are at the very heart of teaching on television or in movies! Unless you're a villain teacher. But Mr. Peanutbutter isn't a villain teacher, so he will absolutely listen thoughtfully and then inspire you with a muddled poetry quote.

OOC

[hollywoostar]

You all didn't actually think anyone would learn anything in this class, did you?