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fandomhigh2016-07-20 12:36 am
vdistinctive) wrote in fandomhigh2016-07-20 12:36 am
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Outdoorsmanship 101, Wednesday, period 1
"Hey," Eliot greeted as the students arrived for class. "Hope you're all not too disappointed not to be ponies anymore." That was a joke, people. Mostly. He was actually going to miss being a griffon just a little bit.
He waved for them to follow him into the preserve and started talking. "Today we're going to tackle provisions when you're out in the wilderness. The main way to do this, of course, is to bring 'em with you. Bottles of water and packs of simple, non-perishable snacks work well if you're just plannin' a day trip. Those who ain't got allergies to 'em might want to go for 'GORP', or 'good old raisins and peanuts'. It's a quick, simple combo, packs in some sugar for quick energy and protein for a long burn. You can go with variations on that, of course, do cranberries and cashews or somethin' if you want to get fancy, but it comes right down to the basics of what your body needs after a good workout: carbohydrates and protein. For an overnight without a lot of hiking, canned food works well. You can heat it on a portable camp stove, or over your campfire, and you ain't gotta worry too much about it goin' bad on you on the trail. The main thing to remember when you're packing for a trip into the wilderness is that the classics are classics for a reason. Jerky may not be the most appetizing thing you can think of when you're back home with a full kitchen, but if you're out on a multi-day hike, having a lightweight, shelf-stable source of protein ain't nothing to turn your nose up at. Everything you want to bring on a long hike is something you gotta be willing to carry, and food and water add up quick." Eliot handed out a packet to each student. "Here's somethin' that goes a little more into detail about what sorts of supplies you'll want for a longer trip, and how much of 'em.
"Of course, as much as anyone wants to be prepared, there's always a chance of gettin' stuck in the outdoors longer'n your provisions are meant to last you. And the fact is you can't carry enough water to keep yourself hydrated when you're going out for more than a day. Water is heavy, and you need a lot of it if you're gonna be moving around. So being able to find water that ain't gonna make you sick is a big priority. Here's another written guide to help y'all out with that. And hey, look, one of the items it lists for equipment is a fire starter. Which all y'all already got." He winked. "Once you find water, you gotta make sure it ain't gonna make you sick. So boiling and filtering are where it's at. You can also buy drops and pills and things that will purify your drinking water for you, if you're from a modern Earth world, but the mechanical techniques are good to know in case you can't get your hands on the chemical kind.
"Lastly, there's hunting and foraging for food. I ain't got time to teach you all how to hunt in this class, though if you want some pointers, talk to me after class. Or check in with your classmates. I know some of 'em got a hang of hunting for food, too. When it comes to foraging, that's more a matter of checking references. A good guide of edible plants in the region you're going out in is an excellent thing to have on hand. here's one to get you started on plants local to -- well, where Fandom usually parks itself on Earth, anyway. Make sure -- I cannot stress this enough, getting it wrong can get you killed -- make sure that the plant you're looking at is really the one listed in your edibility guide."
Eliot clapped his hands. The lecture-and-hike had taken them deep into the preserve, well away from their usual clearing. "Alright! That's enough from me. I want you all to take your water and foraging guides and see what you can find." He pulled a box of empty plastic gallon jugs out from behind a bush. "First person or team to come back with a gallon of water and five edible plant samples wins."
Wins what? The honor and respect of their classmates and teacher.
And, you know, a coupon for ice cream at Chilly Boulder. Because Parker would pout at him, otherwise.
(Also, he had a coupon for Chilly Boulder for everyone. Because Parker would pout at him for that, too.)
He waved for them to follow him into the preserve and started talking. "Today we're going to tackle provisions when you're out in the wilderness. The main way to do this, of course, is to bring 'em with you. Bottles of water and packs of simple, non-perishable snacks work well if you're just plannin' a day trip. Those who ain't got allergies to 'em might want to go for 'GORP', or 'good old raisins and peanuts'. It's a quick, simple combo, packs in some sugar for quick energy and protein for a long burn. You can go with variations on that, of course, do cranberries and cashews or somethin' if you want to get fancy, but it comes right down to the basics of what your body needs after a good workout: carbohydrates and protein. For an overnight without a lot of hiking, canned food works well. You can heat it on a portable camp stove, or over your campfire, and you ain't gotta worry too much about it goin' bad on you on the trail. The main thing to remember when you're packing for a trip into the wilderness is that the classics are classics for a reason. Jerky may not be the most appetizing thing you can think of when you're back home with a full kitchen, but if you're out on a multi-day hike, having a lightweight, shelf-stable source of protein ain't nothing to turn your nose up at. Everything you want to bring on a long hike is something you gotta be willing to carry, and food and water add up quick." Eliot handed out a packet to each student. "Here's somethin' that goes a little more into detail about what sorts of supplies you'll want for a longer trip, and how much of 'em.
"Of course, as much as anyone wants to be prepared, there's always a chance of gettin' stuck in the outdoors longer'n your provisions are meant to last you. And the fact is you can't carry enough water to keep yourself hydrated when you're going out for more than a day. Water is heavy, and you need a lot of it if you're gonna be moving around. So being able to find water that ain't gonna make you sick is a big priority. Here's another written guide to help y'all out with that. And hey, look, one of the items it lists for equipment is a fire starter. Which all y'all already got." He winked. "Once you find water, you gotta make sure it ain't gonna make you sick. So boiling and filtering are where it's at. You can also buy drops and pills and things that will purify your drinking water for you, if you're from a modern Earth world, but the mechanical techniques are good to know in case you can't get your hands on the chemical kind.
"Lastly, there's hunting and foraging for food. I ain't got time to teach you all how to hunt in this class, though if you want some pointers, talk to me after class. Or check in with your classmates. I know some of 'em got a hang of hunting for food, too. When it comes to foraging, that's more a matter of checking references. A good guide of edible plants in the region you're going out in is an excellent thing to have on hand. here's one to get you started on plants local to -- well, where Fandom usually parks itself on Earth, anyway. Make sure -- I cannot stress this enough, getting it wrong can get you killed -- make sure that the plant you're looking at is really the one listed in your edibility guide."
Eliot clapped his hands. The lecture-and-hike had taken them deep into the preserve, well away from their usual clearing. "Alright! That's enough from me. I want you all to take your water and foraging guides and see what you can find." He pulled a box of empty plastic gallon jugs out from behind a bush. "First person or team to come back with a gallon of water and five edible plant samples wins."
Wins what? The honor and respect of their classmates and teacher.
And, you know, a coupon for ice cream at Chilly Boulder. Because Parker would pout at him, otherwise.
(Also, he had a coupon for Chilly Boulder for everyone. Because Parker would pout at him for that, too.)
Re: Talk to Eliot
"You could either be grumpy I'm here with my phone," Hardison said cheerfully, not even bothering to deny it. "Or just be glad I'm finally in the woods an' wanderin' around with you." He held up his water bottle. "I'm even followin' all your instructions."
Re: Talk to Eliot
Re: Talk to Eliot
He stopped. Paused. Sniffed, then wrinkled his nose. "What's that? That weird smell?"
Re: Talk to Eliot
"It's air."
Re: Talk to Eliot
It didn't come from a can, for one.
RE: Re: Talk to Eliot
Re: Talk to Eliot
"Say cheese!" he said, flicking his thumb to capture the image. Parker was gonna love this.
Re: Talk to Eliot
Which, let's be real, just added to the whole effect.
As did him stomping off further into the woods, grumbling.
"Goddamn 'pocket monsters'. Live in a place where actual weird ass critters show up every damn day and he's gotta go stompin' around looking for imaginary ones. . . ."
Re: Talk to Eliot
"Ain't no imaginary critter ever tried to kill me!" Hardison hollered after him. Obviously, he couldn't follow, he had a creature to catch. "They just go into their little balls an' gimme candy an' stardust!"
So much less trauma this way, Eliot. So much less.
Re: Talk to Eliot
See how those imaginary monsters helped when Hardison noticed he'd lost the group.
Re: Talk to Eliot
On the plus side, time and perseverance landed Hardison a new monster, as well as a bundle of XP, three candies, and a lot of stardust. On the minus side, all that time had left the class move on without him.
"Eliot, look what I--" Hardison looked up and around. "Eliot?"
Silence.
"Yo, Eliot!"
Re: Talk to Eliot
And, you know, he was maybe passive aggressively making a point about what he said about paying attention to his surroundings instead of his phone.
Re: Talk to Eliot
He waited for another few seconds, giving Eliot time to respond. Or not. And the whole time, he kept playing with his phone, fingers flying across the screen.
Re: Talk to Eliot
Re: Talk to Eliot
Though when he found out this was some kind of weird test thing, he was going to...well, whine more, really. Really obnoxiously. Right in Eliot's ear. So there.
Right now, though, he was muttering under his breath, successfully masking what little noise Eliot did make. "...I'mma just abandon Hardison," he said in a terrible approximation of Eliot's drawl. "Just leave him out here, cause I gotta be grumpy about everythin'. Don't even matter that Hardison is out here, in the woods, with me, when he could be back in town an' catchin' things there where it's civilized. Nooooo, it's gotta be on my terms or I ain't happy 'bout nothin'."
Throughout his little speech, Hardison kept glancing up into the sky while he typed. Finishing, his phone gave a small beep and Hardison dropped his phone back by his side. "Take that," he said to...no one. "That's right, how you like that?!" And he took off marching into the woods.
...Away from both town and the class, yes. Oops.
Re: Talk to Eliot
He stomped through the woods after Hardison. "Man, what the hell're you doin' back here? You wanna tag along with my class ya gotta actually tag along with my class."
Re: Talk to Eliot
In the wrong direction because like he knew the woods.
"Don't even pretend like you didn't hear me callin' for you, either."
Re: Talk to Eliot
Re: Talk to Eliot
See? He'd had a plan, at least!