fandomhigh | Sex Ed, Wednesday, Period 2

“Welcome back, everybody,” Didi said jauntily from the front of the classroom. “It’s nice to see we didn’t scare you away quite yet.”

“This week, we’re going to start with one of the most important things to talk about when we’re talking about sex -- consent, and how to both say yes or no and understand what your partner is saying or not saying. Obviously it’s a huge topic with a lot of cultural and individual nuances. So of course we’re going to demonstrate it via skits about tea.”

Yes, they’d stolen the lesson plan from Tumblr. It was as good a source as any.

“The idea is, if someone says they don't want tea -- or anything else -- you don't make them drink it. Even if you know for a fact they drank tea with ten different people last week. Even if they changed their minds after you went to a lot of bother to make the tea. No is no.

"So to start with, your co-teacher and I are going to walk through a situation where somebody changes their mind about wanting tea. Now, imagine Constantine and I are on a date, and we had a good time, and we spent the whole last hour flirting and talking about how much we both like … tea.”

"And for those of you that are confused, yes, I'm British, no, I don't generally like tea in that way, but we're pretending for the sake of the exercise," Constantine added helpfully. "And for those of you that are confused as fuck... we're using 'tea' so no one dies of embarrassment when it's your turn. Is this overly-simplistic? Yes, but consider it baby-steps so you can actually talk about it instead of just assuming shite."

Oh yes, kids, you were going to get to do role-play today, too!

“And also because there’s a really cute -- if, yeah, simplistic -- video that uses tea, which we’re going to make you watch in a little while,” Didi added, and then took a few steps to the side to mark that she was getting into character.

“So,” she said.in a voice that did her best attempt at being husky. “Thanks for the date. Do you want to come up to my apartment now? You know. For tea.”

She ... almost got through that without giggling. Go her?

"Fuck, I'm supposed to be at work tomorrow early and it's been a long day--" John, stop snickering. "--but a quick nip of tea does sound nice. Sure. But I can't stay too late."

“I won’t keep you,” Didi promised, and led him toward her imaginary apartment. “Just give me a second and I’ll get the tea all ready.”

John flopped down in a chair, tapped his foot a few times as he waited for the tea and... immediately started pretend-snoring. Because he was fucking classy.

And let's be real, there'd totally been nights he'd fallen asleep on a date waiting for them to get ready.

Didi re-entered, carrying a teacup she’d retrieved from the desk. She tapped John on the shoulder. “John, I brought your tea,” she said. “Are you ready?”

John startled awake looking around and blinking. "Fuck, I dozed off, did I?" he said, looking at his watch. "Sorry, sunshine, but if I'm this tired...I can't stay. I got to get going."

"Maybe next time, yeah?"

Didi’s lower lip quivered. “But ...you said you wanted tea,” she reminded him. “We talked about it. I made it just for you.”

"Yeah, I know, and I feel a right shit, but I can't stay," he said, standing up as if to go. "Looks real nice, though... for, ah, green tea?"

Serving green tea to a Brit. CRUEL, Dee. Cruel.

“Nothing’s wrong with green tea,” Didi scolded. “I don’t know what to do now. I guess I can’t hold you down and pour the tea down your throat, huh?”

"I'd rather you didn't, because that's creepy," John said, taking a step back. "I dunno, sunshine, drink it yourself or stick it in the fridge. Mix it with some lemonade. Go wild. Just... not my cup of tea tonight."

“Well, then I guess I need to let you go home,” Didi sighed.(She was so generous.) “Thanks for the date. We can drink tea another time.”

John turned and looked at the students. "If you get the idea with fucking tea, you can figure it out with sex. Dee and I drew names out of hats and put you all in groups. Navigate your tea party without anyone throwing teacups. Unless that's what does it for all of you, in which case I don't judge-- no, I'll judge but keep it to myself."

Thanks, Constantine.

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...wait a second, if tea was supposed to be sex, then what the kriff was coffee supposed to be?

"Who the hell even drinks tea?" said Dante. Who might not have been in the best mood for this assignment, considering he was a pony.

"Master Kenobi," Ahsoka replied automatically, which meant this class might ruin tea and sex forever. "...why are you a pony?"

If Dante knew, he probably wouldn't look so grumpy, Ahsoka.

"I don't know," Dante said.

Sullenly.

"Is this kind of thing normal?" She meant the kinky tea roleplay.

"Turning into a pony? No," Dante said, not getting the shift in subject just yet.

"I figured that much," Ahsoka said dryly.

"Then what?"

Sorry, Ahsoka. HE WAS NOT IN A GOOD MOOD.

Ahsoka had figured that much out too.

She gestured at the teachers. "This."

"What, sex as tea?" Dante said, pulling a face. "Yeah, that's weird too."

Of course, he had a feeling he could solve this one pretty easily, but still.

"That's a relief," Ahsoka said. "Otherwise I'd have to worry if offering someone a drink was a human mating ritual."

"... It kinda is?" Dante offered. "But usually it's booze and it's in the evening and it's 'wanna come upstairs and have a drink'." Beat. "That's code for sex."

Dante ~~Sparda~~ the Lastnameless: Sex Ed Teacher.

Considering, the haphazardness of her previous sex education, at least this was nice and straightforward.

"It's subtler than some offers I've gotten." The joys of going to seedy cantinas on missions.

"And now you know," Dante said. He blew out a loud breath through his nostrils. "Anyway, this one's easy. You pour half a cup of coffee and half a cup of tea, you try both, and you stick with as much as what you can both get a kick out of."

"Huh, that makes sense," Ahsoka said. "Though the question seems to assume someone can't like both."

That was probably because Constantine was British.

"There's always wiggle room somewhere, you just have to go looking for it," Dante decided. "I like tons of-- uh, drinks."

Thank you, Dante.

"And if I wasn't a fucking pony I'd be happy to have some with you."

Phrasing, Dante.

"Uh, thanks." One day Ahsoka would get a handle on responding to genuine flirting. Hopefully.

"You're welcome," said Dante.

Who was never going to watch his phrasing ever.

Sex Ed, Wednesday, Period 2

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