fandomhigh | Beat The Heat: Indoor Activities 101, Wednesday, Period 3

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indoor fun

Beat The Heat: Indoor Activities 101, Wednesday, Period 3

Surprising absolutely no one who'd ever taken a class with him before, Hardison had sent messages for his students to meet him in the Danger Shop for class today. What they might not have expected for a class called 'Indoor Activities', was for the Danger Shop door to open up to a replica of Fandom's beach, all set up for a picnic. There were blankets spread over the sand, baskets overflowing with treats and snacks and drinks, and a volleyball net set up not that far away. The sand was soft and white, the ocean was blue and welcoming, and the sky played host to puffy clouds and a golden sun.

"Sup," Hardison said, giving a lazy wave from where he was lounging in a beach chair. "Welcome to Beat The Heat: Indoor Activities 101. C'mon in, settle down, help yourself to some snacks, let's get this class started, right?"

He waited until everyone had taken a seat on a blanket and helped themselves to snacks if they wanted before continuing his lecture. "So, it's gettin' on to summer, which means everyone's gonna be encouragin' you to go outside an' do stuff. Like somehow now that the weather's warmed up, all the fun things you did inside over the winter suddenly ain't good enough anymore. An', sure, you may be a little bit stir-crazy if the winter's been particularly bad, but runnin' around outside in the summer ain't the glorious, problem-free pastime everybody tries to pretend, either." While he was talking, the Danger Shop had been cranking up the heat, taking a scene that had been 'comfortably warm' up to 'sweltering.'

"There are lotsa reasons to hang indoors over the summer. It gets hot really quick," he said, wiping his forehead with his arm as sweat broke out at his hairline. "Summer brings out all sorts of bugs to bother you." Mosquitoes made an appearance now, darting around trying to bite. Swarms of midges circled, making it hard to open one's mouth without inhaling a few. Ants started marching their way across the blankets towards the food. "Sand might be pretty, but it's damn uncomfortable an' gets everywhere." No, he wasn't trying to hit on anybody Anakin, just complaining as the wind picked up and started blowing sand into their food and clothing. "An' then you gotta deal with all the other folks who had the same idea as you an' decided to go outside at the same time you did." Suddenly the beach was filled with other people, all laughing and yelling and running around kicking up yet more sand as they dashed by. Four guys started playing a game of volleyball and every few minutes the ball would go flying towards Hardison's students, not hitting anyone, but knocking into their food and drinks. "An' if it ain't too hot, it's too cold. Summer weather is mad changeable, yo." And the temperature, which had continued to climb far past comfortable levels, plummeted sharply. The sky darkened and the ocean roiled as fat drops of cold rain started falling onto their picnic.

And then the beach was gone, replaced by a comfortable living room. Damp clothes were instantly dry, bug bites had vanished, and once again there was food, no longer despoiled by bugs or sand. "Then you got your house," Hardison said, smiling. "Climate controlled, where all your stuff is. You got electricity, plumbin', refrigeration...any number of modern conveniences just waitin' for you to decide you wanna use 'em. Now, I ain't sayin' that the outdoors is all bad--" He was just implying it heavily "--but I am sayin' you got plenty of options to have fun inside, where you ain't gotta worry about everythin' we just experienced out on the beach."

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At the beach!

Cosima Niehaus

Cosette Fauchelevent

Dipper Pines

Hanna Heller

Alluka Zoldyck

Kira Yukimura

Rey

Why just listen when you can freeze, swelter, and get harassed by sand, bugs, and other humans?

Cosette might have been more uncomfortable about their surroundings, but Edward had just disappeared a few days ago, as far as she could tell, and she was more preoccupied with that than the temperature or the sand.

That was understandable, right?

"So, first week an' that means introductions. Sorry, newbies, but you'll learn this is what happens every semester. Get used to it," Hardison said. "Gimme your name, class if you know it, favorite indoor activity, an' worst experience you ever had outside."

And since he was hardly going to make his students suffer alone, he went first. "My name is Hardison, for those of you who don't know. No 'Mister', Hardison is just fine. My favorite indoor activity is hackin' on my computer." Well, it wasn't really, but he was keeping it G-rated for the class. Maybe PG, since he had just admitted to hacking. "My worst experience outside was gettin' kidnapped by a racist militia who hated the government. Since I was posin' as an IRS agent at the time, you can see how they were real excited to get their hands on me."

IT HAD BEEN A TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE, STUDENTS. JUST TERRIBLE. STAY INSIDE, AVOID RACIST MILITIAS.

"What about...you?" He pointed to a student at random.

Damn. Cosima wanted to ask Hardison more about the racist militia sometime.

"Hey, I'm Cosima Niehaus," she said. "I guess I'm officially a senior now? My favorite indoor activity is making crazy science. Worst outdoor experience is one time, when I was eight, I accidentally stepped on a beehive. My leg swelled up like a giant loaf of bread."

She was more than welcome to! Hardison was only too happy to go on and on (and on and on...) about the damn racist militia and how damn racist they were.

"You allergic to bees now?" Hardison asked. "An' what kinda crazy science you up to right now?"

"God, probably," Cosima groaned. "I haven't been trying to get stung to see for sure. And right now I'm still poking at some alien DNA from that invasion in April. I want to see if I can find any markers for that telepathy thing they had going on."

"Aww, c'mon, little mama, no," Hardison groaned. "Ain't you ever seen a horror movie in your life? That way leads to weird Cosima-alien hybrids an' other horrible, mind-control stuff."

Hardison still hadn't properly recovered from April.

"Now I'mma have to watch you real close to make sure you ain't been brain-squicked. Maggie ain't never gonna forgive me, that happens."

"Okay, but my brain's still fine," Cosima reassured him, sounding more amused than anything else. "I'm looking at the DNA, not, like, rolling around in it or spreading it on toast."

"Hi! My name is Dipper Pines! I'm a sophomore and my favorite indoor activity is watching television and vegging out. My horrible outside experience was getting chased by the Summerween Trickster which was a monster made up of all the rejected loser candy in Gravity Falls."

Of course there were other horrible experiences in Gravity Falls but the Trickster was definitely one of the worst.

"Ooookay," Hardison said, trying to parse all of that. "So, it sounds like you're from a place kinda like the island, then?"

Because only on the island could he imagine someone getting chased by a monster made of 'loser candy.'

"Technically California but I spent a summer in a really weird place," Dipper admitted. "Coming to Fandom wasn't a huge adjustment."

"I'm Cosette Fauchelevent," she said, a bit more subdued than usual, "and I suppose I'm a senior now, as well. "I'm rather fond of reading, though I can do that just as well outdoors as indoors. As for my worst experience outside . . ."

She bit her lip. "The people I lived with, when I was very little, had me go outside to fetch water when the cistern ran dry." And yes, Cosette managed to make that sound much more charitable than it had been, because not even the Thénardiers deserved to be slandered behind their backs as far as she was concerned. "Sometimes I had to take a bucket to the spring in the woods just outside town. I didn't much like that, especially if it was at night."

Though to be fair, the last time she'd had to do that, it ended rather well for her.

"Welcome back, Cosette," Hardison said, giving her a friendly smile under concerned eyes. Cosette wasn't subdued. She was all quiet enthusiasm for learning new things! "Anything particularly bad ever happen in them woods? Or was it more a scary place to make a little kid go?"

Cosette was always enthusiastic about new things! The enthusiasm just had to share class time with the worry.

"Very scary," she allowed, and hey, there was a smile, at least. That was good, wasn't it? "Nothing especially bad, except what my imagination conjured up."

The woods themselves had been fine. Just the circumstances surrounding why she had to go there -- those had definitely not been fine.

"When you're a little kid, that's all that you need," Hardison said. "I can't tell you the number of times I had to hide in a closet or under blankets 'cause of what I'd imagined into bein'."

He gave her another long look, past the smile she was wearin'. "You okay, Cosette?" he asked softly. "I know this past month's been kinda rough on folks."

Cosette hadn't really had a closet or blankets to hide under at the time, but she didn't see a point in bringing that up.

She frowned for a moment, thinking, then raised her head to look squarely at him. "I'm fine, yes," she said very earnestly. "Or I will be. It's good of you, Monsieur Hardison, but there's no need to worry about me, I promise. As you say, it's been a hard month for quite a few people."

The last thing she wanted was to add anything to other people's worries.

"Um, um, I'm Alluka," she said when it was her turn. "And this is Mr. Bubbles. I think I'm in the second grade thing now? I don't remember what it's called. I like tea parties the best inside and... and..."

Alluka struggled to come up with something bad that had happened outside.

She hadn't really ever been outside much.

"One time I was out playing in the sandbox and then there was blood everywhere and the body of one of our butlers and we had to go inside?" she tried.

Nanika had happened.

Alluka still didn't really know if that was a terrible thing to have happened or not, but she'd had to go back inside, so maybe it counted?

From Hardison's expression, YES, YES FINDING THE BODY OF ONE OF YOUR SERVANT'S WAS A TERRIBLE THING!

"Damn girl," he said, trying to figure out how many years of therapy he'd need to get over such a thing himself. "You were okay, though? Ain't nothin' tried to hurt you?"

"Huh? No? No one tried to hurt us." Alluka blinked at him, rather cluelessly. "We just had to go inside and no one was allowed to use the sandbox for a few days."

... of course they were allowed to go play at the sandbox again. Of course they were.

"Hanna Heller, senior, singing, and..." Um. Well. "Being pursued through an abandoned amusement park by someone intent on murdering me."

You know, he was really starting to long for the minutes of horrific body horror brought on by bees and creepy monsters made of loser candy. Some of the stories his students had just hurt.

"Glad to see they ain't get you," Hardison said. Please tell him they didn't get you, Hanna, and you'd just managed to escape. "We had to take down a buncha kidnappers in an amusement park once. It wasn't fun."

"They fell down a slide," Hanna said, her tone subdued. And a little relieved. And guiltily confused about that. Because hurray, Hardison's worst memory of the outdoors did not involve being marched around the Preserve by an older Hanna trying to lure Eliot to his death. On the other hand, it involved racist militia members, and that was even more horrifying. Maybe that's why they hadn't been more angry with her when that happened? "The park was.. it was based on the Grimm fairy tales." And her father's poor friend had died in the Witch's cottage. "There were swan boats, but no oars to use. And the roller coaster track was completely overgrown." She smiled sideways, then said, "I was very glad to leave it."

And Marissa's body, at the bottom of the slide.

"Kira Yukimura, I'm a senior, and I like surfing Tumblr?" she said. "My worst experience outside was starting to learn how to drive. I really like how so many businesses deliver to you instead."

Yay! A nice, normal answer, with no horrifying implications. Heck, she even liked something computer-related! Kira, you were working on becoming one of his favorites very quickly.

"So, what's up with drivin' that you ain't like?" he asked. "Not that you can get a lot of practice here on the island."

"My name's Rey, and I'm a junior," she said. "I'm from a desert planet, so there are several worst experiences outside, and my favorite indoor activity is climate control."

What.

"Hello again, Rey," Hardison said. "Yo, I promise this class will give you a buncha better things to do than spend time outside in the desert. I ain't about that life an' I'll be happy to make sure you ain't gotta be, either."

You know, for the summer, at least.

He didn't have a TA this semester. He just...wasn't feeling it.

Right! New semester, new day!

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Beat The Heat: Indoor Activities 101, Wednesday, Period 3

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