fandomhigh | Oh the Humanity!: Friendship is International Adventure, Thursday, period 1

"Bonjour!" Pinkie greeted as the students gathered for class, today. "Bienvenue à nouveau chaque poney! Aujourd'hui, nous allons à une belle ville en Afrique de l'Ouest . Espérons que vous avez tous brossé votre français!"

Because, sure, why wouldn't the creature from a universe that literally doesn't have a France speak French?

"Yeah, in case ya didn't follow that," Eliot said. "Today we're headed to West Africa, specifically Senegal, which was colonized primarily by the French. So that's their official language."

"Une belle langue pour un beau pays!" said Pinkie.

"You gonna be doin' that all day?"

"Oui!"

Eliot sighed. "Right. Well, we've got phrasebooks for everyone who isn't randomly fluent. We'll be hitting the capital city of Dakar, where you're reasonably likely to be able to find someone who speaks English. But, uh. Try not to wander too far off the beaten track."

"Je pense que vous allez aimer Dakar. Il semble si plein d'histoire et de la culture et des musées et il y a un zoo! Très amusant!"

"You sound like an online translator," Eliot said.

"Allons-y!"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mostly, though, Hardison was just really bad at superhero naming.

And he totally cared about her compatriots! They were Kathy's back up.

"Very glad to hear it. And sure, put your CO on. Gotta make sure she ain't leadin' you into a death trap."

Captain Cash was an excellent name! ...That didn't exist anywhere that wasn't a hand-drawn comic book.

"Nope, no death traps here," Kathy assured him before handing her phone over.

A second later, a cool, crisp woman's voice came over the line. "This is Stealth."

...She wasn't a fan of small talk.

Of course not. She was a CO. "Ma'am," Eliot responded, both the soldier and the southern boy responding to the tone. "Hear you're the one directin' this mission?"

"I'm providing the intel and some oversight," Stealth corrected. "However, most of the personnel are freelancers and independent agents. They don't take to oversight or orders well."

There was the faintest thread of frustration in her tone, audible only to someone who knew what to listen to. And were very good at what they did.

"However, inasmuch as possible, I have taken point and am coordinating them to work together to neutralize the threat."

"So what you're sayin' is you're takin' on nigh-insurmountable odds, facin' down a previously unknown contagion, and the team you're workin' with not only ain't trained in quarantine and containment, they're a buncha misfits with authority issues."

This just got better all the time.

". . . I can actually probably help with that. I got some experience with misfit teams and crazy odds."

"Whereas I have mostly worked alone for my professional career." She'd been trained and groomed by a European assassin, that hadn't exactly been much of a team-building exercise. "I am taking steps to mitigate that issue when dealing with my fellow heroes, but other things take precedence."

Like the survival of the city.

"I would be interested in any help you wish to offer. The information you've passed along already has been quite useful and dovetailed with my own plans."

"Glad to hear it." It meant she wasn't completely useless. "You got intel on the infection rate of this thing? Ka -- Banzai said you were lookin' at a hundred to two-fifty infected on Tuesday. That's manageable, so long as it ain't spreadin' too fast."

As far as Eliot was concerned, LA could go hang, so long as Kathy got out alright. But then Kathy would be miserable, so. . . .

"It's not a precise model," Stealth said, again with that subtle tone of emotion, this time disgruntlement. "There are no useful infection models we can use as this isn't something we've seen previously. I am basing my numbers off of what I have personally seen and been able to cross-reference, but that opens me up to more errors than I am particularly comfortable with."

Yeah, that was not building Eliot's confidence in this plan succeeding. Why weren't they at least trying to evacuate the area, yet?

"Any idea on how this thing is spreadin', at least?"

"Bites," Stealth said succinctly. "That's one thing that all the victims have in common. We've examined the bodies of those we neutralized and the two that Banzai retrieved that are still...active. They all have bitemarks. One or two were missing actual chunks out of their flesh."

You know, typical zombie stuff.

"Least it ain't anyone who dies sittin' back up," Eliot said. "You got anyone tryin' the CDC again? I know y'all tried hackin' them and got nothin', but I'd say it's worth bein' persistent. They're really gonna be the ones who'll be able to track this thing and model the infection rate."

Not yet it wasn't. But that wouldn't stay true for long.

"That's what Zzzap's up to," Stealth said. "He's trying it both ways. He's the most well-known of the heroes. His celebrity in scientific circles may give him the credibility I lack." At least without using her real name. "Otherwise, his access any electronic database will come in handy. He struck out before because he gave them too much information, allowing the CDC to dismiss his claims as a hoax. Few people understand how much discretion is needed when dealing with various kinds of people."

"'Specially when it comes to bureaucracy. You got anyone who can appeal to 'em politically?"

Stealth laughed; one sharp bark that held no amusement. "I don't know how things are set up in Baltimore, but there's no politician in Los Angeles that's willing to work with superheroes, particularly not against a threat like zombies--a threat no one knows exists yet, never mind believes in."

"'Cause it's such a huge leap from superpowers to zombies," Eliot muttered. "Hey, you sure it ain't a supervillain behind this whole thing? Mad scientist, maybe?"

"We still cannot get politicians to agree on climate change," Stealth reminded crisply. "Do you honestly think something as controversial as superpowers--particularly in a city like Los Angeles--is simply accepted as fact?"

Even now, years after the first heroes had appeared, the newspapers and other various news sources were filled with diatribes for them, against them, calling them hoaxes, saying they were evil, or sent by angels, or dangerous criminals who needed to be locked up and tested...

"In this case, the politicians can be trusted even less than normal. I can send you my files and the expected reactions of all of the politicians with sufficient power to be useful in this, though I assure you 'protecting their own positions' is the highest priority for all of them. As for the possibility of an agent behind this, it is impossible to say for certain. Doubtful, though, as the only surveillance I have seen on them is my own. If there is someone behind this outbreak, they either did not survive the zombie breaking free or they were content to let it loose onto an unsuspecting population with no oversight. Tracking such a madman would be difficult, to say the least."

Oh the Humanity!: Friendship is International Adventure, Thursday, period 1

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