fandomhigh | How To Get By In A Hostile World, Thursday

"All right, so last year, this class tended to focus on the smaller things," Atton began. "But based on your introductions, I'm going to shake it up a little. So welcome to 'how to deal with things - or yourself - being set on fire'."

There was a long beat.

"If you're ever tempted to set anything on fire, no matter how upset, bedraggled, screwed-over or otherwise horrible you feel, do not set anything on fire. I cannot say this enough. Okay? Do not set anything on fire."

Okay? Okay.

"So obviously there's a whole lot of different kinds of fire," Atton continued, clearing his throat. "For example, grease fires are a problem in the kitchen a lot of the time. You're cooking, and suddenly the oil catches fire. Now oil is water-repellant, so tossing water on the oil is just gonna make the problem worse. It's just going to splash around and possibly distribute the grease particles even further. And those particles would be the things that are on fire. No, what you wanna do is turn off the fire underneath the pan, slam a lid down on the pan, and let oxygen deprivation do the work." He tilted his head. "...Or you could just attack it with a fire extinguisher."

He cleared his throat. "But that's only in the case of cooking," he said. "Now, when you get set on fire, that's a whole other thing..."

At which point he went into a very detailed explanation of what happened to the human body when it got set on fire. Just in case anyone had wondered about that.

"Anyway," he finished, "That's why you want to avoid getting set on fire." Yes, thank you, Atton. That certainly disabused them of some ideas. "In the case of a fire, you'll want to stay low to the ground if you can. Smoke kills a lot faster than burns do. You can keep flames from getting into the room you're in for a time by blocking off any cracks in doors and walls. If there's a window, open it and breathe from there. Otherwise, get a t-shirt or something and hold it in front of your mouth, so you can breathe without inhaling too much smoke."

He brought his hands together. "You've probably all heard of stop, drop and roll," he said, "Which is the proper procedure when you're on fire. See, movement feeds the fire with oxygen, so you don't want to be doing that. When you drop to the floor, you can block the flames from reaching your face, which is another good thing-- use your arms for that. And rolling around will hopefully douse the fire. Now, if it's been going for a while, you'll want to not remove any of your clothes. They might've melted to your skin. Find some way to cool off first, then deal with it later."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "But the best way to deal with this crap is to know what your exit route is," he said. "As soon as I'm done talking, I want you guys to spread out across the school and figure out the easiest way out from your dorm room or a classroom, in case the place gets set on fire. Which, let's face it, on this island that's just a matter of time."

And with that, Atton stopped talking. Studied the class. Pursed his lips.

Then added, "And just to emphasize this one last time, because it's important, never set anything on fire, ever, ever, ever." Beat. "Unless you're planning to eat it. But even then I wouldn't risk it."

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On fire.

Isabela

Mara Jade

Eggsy Unwin

Eric Bittle

Vider Bearskin

Jalian d'ARSENNETTE.

Mabel Pines

He's pretty set on this 'don't set things on fire' thing.

Mara had lived with Johnny for a year, so she was remarkable sanguine about people being set on fire, but she was really wondering why Atton was so concerned that more, well, flammable and in the bad way, people would be doing this to themselves.

His version of their galaxy must be very odd.

"Bit specific, yeah?" Did Atton have fire related trauma? Because it sounded like that.

Mara nodded, green eyes wide. "Does he know something we don't know?" she hissed.

If there was "random immolation day" she was going to be so pissed.

And that was something Eggsy had not considered. "What, people catchin' fire a common thing around here?"

"Not common," Mara said, "but my last roommate could do it on demand, normally while making puns about how hot he was."

Wouldn't you if you could catch fire? Wouldn't you?

"Huh." Eggsy looked at the materials provided to them. "Think I'll pass on catchin' fire, though."

"Yeah, me too," Mara said. "Though I'm not opposed to cooking food on an open flame."

Just not people.

"Think I want to after this lecture." Atton made bad choices in how to deal with Sparkle.

Mara grinned. "Can I tag along?"

"Make sure I ain't gonna catch fire?" He replied with a grin.

"Something like that," Mara said. "I can bring water or baking soda just to be sure."

"Think it'll piss 'm off?" Because that would only make it more fun.

"...probably," Mara said with a tiny smirk.

"I think we have to then." Eggsy, no.

"It's a date, then," Mara said, flushing slightly.

Okay, the beginning of the lecture was... not so bad. Sure, grease fires were scary, but Eric had been baking and cooking since he was tiny (well, even tinier), so he'd seen his fair share of those. And then Atton was talking about people on fire and just... uh.

Well, Eric was looking a little green around the gills by the time he'd finished, is all.

And Eggsy was just going to nudge a garbage bin over toward Eric. Because no one wanted vomit on their shoes.

Or desk.

Around the point where Atton got to the effects of fire on the human body, Vider went from 'trying not to look too outwardly upset' to slinking out of her desk and right out of the room for a few minutes, only to slip back in toward the end of the lecture after doing some breathing exercises in the hall.

Nothing to see here, noooooo.

It was definitely a curious lecture. Jalian listened intently, frowning faintly and making note of what he said. She'd never seen a body on fire before, but it might be something she needed at some point.

If anyone needed Mabel, she'd be over here. Staring. With wide eyes.

Looking horrified.

Very horrified.

And not asking the obvious question. Which, of course, was 'but what if wax sculptures come to life and try to kill you and their only weakness is heat?'

Go to your dorm room or pick a classroom. Figure out the quickest way out if there's a fire.

Who thinks 'don't set things on fire' is just decent life advice he clearly forgot to give the first time he taught this class.

*collapses* I'll be gone for a bit in your American AM. Mmm, spa day.

If anyone needs me, I'll just be LAUGHING FOREVER <3

How To Get By In A Hostile World, Thursday

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Find a Partner and Spread Out!

Talk to the Teacher

OOC

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