fandomhigh | Philosophy of Loss, Friday, 2nd Period

The classroom contained the same circle of comfortable chairs and beanbags as it had the week before, with a similar table of snacks and drinks to the side. A TV had been set up near the head of the circle.

Didi smiled once everyone seemed to be in their places and comfortable. "Good morning," she said. "Welcome back. I planned to talk about funerals today anyhow, but I got lucky with the news -- they found a species of ancient humans they didn't know about before. The interesting thing is, these incredibly ancient people buried their dead. I'm going to show you <ahref="http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/10/africa/homo-naledi-human-relative-species/">how CNN covered it.

She watched the clip as keenly as the students, though of course she'd seen it before. "So, even more than a hundred thousand years ago, even in a form most people today wouldn't consider human, people had the urge for funeral rites. It's not just Homo Naledi, either. Neanderthals have been found buried under flower pollen, as though their clans put flowers on their graves. Funerals tend to be one of the most stable and uniting customs in a society,and they're as different as the cultures that invented them. For example, Hindus cremate their dead to return the body to the five elements, while Orthodox Jews regard cremation as sacrilege. In New Orleans, there's a tradition called the jazz funeral, where upbeat music is played to celebrate the life of the deceased. The list goes on" -- and there she paused to pass out a handout from Wikipedia.

"Of course, funerals aren't really for the dead," she added. "They're for the living, so people can mourn the loss and say goodbye to someone. And what I'd like to talk about is what value you see in that. Do you like the idea of funerals? Or would you rather process a loss on your own? I'm also interested in any general thoughts you have on funeral customs, especially any traditions you have at home."

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On your way to a funeral.

Dante

Kathy Li

Raven Darkholme

Gwen Stacy

Elsa of Arendelle

Kaylin Neya

Frank Doyle

What do you think about funerals in general? Are there any funeral customs you really like?

"Korean funeral customs are pretty specific," Kathy offered. "I mean, I don't how much detail you want? But funerals last about three days, before the body is brought to the mountains to be buried. And once the funeral itself is over, there are the jesa, the memorial rites, where we have to visit the deceased's grave on the anniversary of their death and on holidays like Chuseok to prove our filial piety."

She fiddled with her pencil as she spoke. "We're also not supposed to talk about death and dying much, in case it attracts bad luck. Like, you never write someone's name in red pen and obituaries aren't supposed to be read in the house, but posted outside, so you don't invite death into the house. Stuff like that."

Didi nodded, taking it in. "A lot of cultures have death taboos," she said. "You even see it in the Western world, where black at a wedding was considered bad luck until very recently. I do wonder one thing -- you mentioned burying the body in the mountains. What happens if the family doesn't live near mountains?"

"Korea is pretty mountainous, so even back before cars, most villages were, at most, only a few days away from a mountain or two," Kathy explained. "And so the bodies were loaded up on biers and carried or transported to the closest one. It's more than a matter of honor and filial piety; most families have a plot together where they're all buried, so to be buried elsewhere would mean being all by yourself."

"I'm not a fan," Gwen said. "It's supposed to be an excuse to say goodbye and grieve but it doesn't stop at the funeral, so you might as well just do it all on your own because you're gonna be doing that anyway."

Didi gave a tiny smile at that, as if she understood.

"I had a family member die a while ago," she shared. "I gave his eulogy. There was something nice about everybody getting together to talk about him, but at the same time, you're right that it doesn't just stop hurting when the funeral ends."

"The last one I went to, yeah, it was nice seeing how many people loved him, too," Gwen admitted. "And then everything else was just stupid drama that made things worse for the people closest to him. Skip it."

"Stupid drama's bad enough when nobody's dead," Didi agreed. "At a funeral ... yeah, that's not a good time."

Dante shrugged. "Never been to one," he said. "Kinda morbid, don't you think?"

That was a perfectly appropriate joke.

Didi gave Dante a Look for that one, wondering as she did why he reminded her of Lucifer.

"You might say that's the point," she said. "Though, there is the idea of making them a celebration of the dead person's life, too."

Kaylin was Not. Talking.

Very loudly.

"You look like you have some thoughts," Didi said, in response to all the Not Talking going on.

"I don't know anything about funerals," Kaylin lied. "We didn't have them in the fiefs."

Well, that last was true anyway.

"People just die and that's that."

Though she would have liked to have been able to do something for Jade and Steffi. She'd had to run, though, and the next months had given her more to worry about than funeral things. Even if she'd dared go back.

"I've never been to one," Elsa shared, biting the inside of her cheek. "I don't really grieve... well. But for people who would rather not hurt alone, they're probably a good thing? Or at least some sort of comfort."

It hadn't been all that long since she'd lost her parents and spent the funeral in an ice-covered bedroom, alone.

She regretted missing it.

To a point.

"What do you mean when you say you don't grieve well?" Didi asked, curious. "Not specifics. Just -- I don't think it's something you can really do right or wrong."

"I..." Elsa worried at her lip for a moment. "I push people away. People who are hurting, also. I need to be alone, when my emotions are running high. I might end up hurting somebody even more than they already are, and I can't risk that."

Conceal, don't feel.

"More could use an open bar. Helps with the reminiscing, probably," Frank offered.

She still wants a TA.

I just noticed today's date. Oddly apropos class to be teaching today; if anybody finds it upsetting, of course you can opt out of class.

And this is the song I want at my funeral, BTW.

Edited 2015-09-11 13:45 (UTC)

At my funeral, I want a moment of silence, and during it, I want someone to push a button on whatever passes for a CD player in that time and play Salt N Pepa's "Push It" when no one's expecting it. Those who know me best will know it's their cue for a dance party.

You would so win at funerals if you did that. The only bad part would be not being around to see it.

My brother and I both very much want a Lost Vikings-style viking funeral. Y'know. Fire. Mead. Meat. Large expanses of water. Someone getting abducted by aliens.

Philosophy of Loss, Friday, 2nd Period

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