fandomhigh | Outdoor Adventure Time!, Tuesday, period 1

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outdoor fitness

Outdoor Adventure Time!, Tuesday, period 1

The students had been ~~handwavily~~ notified to dress for swimming and the meet up at Portalocity again.

"Well folks," Eliot said. "This is our last class of the session. So Parker'n I decided it was time for some slightly less structured fun." He led the way through the portal to the front gates of a large water park. "Welcome to Water Country USA!"

“We’ll be doing a class like this one again, next term,” Parker added. “I mean, the whole Outdoor Adventure class, not just waterslides. Although that would be pretty cool, you have to admit.”

"We'll even try not to repeat ourselves," Eliot said. "Alright, a couple ground rules: use sunscreen. The water's going to reflect all the UV rays right onto you and I don't want anyone to end up with sun poisoning. I'll be hanging out by the wave pool if anyone gets into trouble and needs an adult. Other than that, have fun, and we'll meet back up here when it's time to head back to Fandom."

“I’ll be on the Colossal Curl first, if anyone wants to be on my raft,” Parker said. “Let’s go!”

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Right, he should have anticipated that question.

"I may or may not have an alter-ego who's a country singer," Eliot confessed.

Goin. Nowhere.

"You have a what?"

Edited 2015-06-16 23:38 (UTC)

"It was for this job in Memphis," Eliot said, as if that explained it all. "I was the fiddle."

You were totally hoping to learn some classic con names, right Kathy?

Please, this was Kathy. The opportunity to learn anything was golden.

"...I thought Mr. Hardison played the fiddle?"

"Not yet he doesn't," Eliot said. "It was a fiddle game. Guy was cheatin' a woman and her brother out of royalties for their music. We convinced him I was a musician with a hot song to get him to shell out the money he owed 'em. 'Course, then it turned out he was also a murderer who sometimes liked to off musicians when he ripped 'em off. . . ."

This was a great story. He was telling it real well.

Absolutely. Which was why Kathy's expression suggested she was following along perfectly.

"...Fiddle game?"

"The classic version involves convincing a guy that a violin your partner has is one of a kind and priceless, so he'll buy it from your partner for 'a steal', thinking he can then turn it around and sell it for way more. You can do it with anything, really."

Maybe they should do a class on classic cons in the fall. If there was any school they could get away with that in, it was ~~Greendale Community College~~ Fandom.

"Ohhhhh," Kathy said, nodding. "So, since you were the fiddle, you wanted him to...offer you a contract? And then you'd give the girl and her brother the sign-on money and disappear?"

Until they discovered he was actually a murderer, when of course they had to stay around as his favorite kind of victims!

"Almost," Eliot said, smiling. "We knew already his contracts weren't worth shit, since that was what he was screwin' our clients over with. So we convinced him the song itself was worth a fortune. Our friend Sophie posed as a foreign music producer desperate to get the rights before a single one of her big stars sampled it on was released. So Kirkwood -- that's the asshole in question -- offered Nate, who was posin' as my manager, about a quarter mill for the rights to the song, expectin' to be able to turn it around and sell it to Sophie for twice that." He grimaced. "'Cept it turned out what he really wanted to do was record the thing for himself so that when the imaginary single got released, he could sue the big time British guy for all he was worth instead."

A beat.

"Oh, and he tried to have me and Nate killed."

That hadn't gone well for him in either case. Nate still refused to tell Eliot how he got away from Kirkwood's thugs.

Sure he had! Several times!

"But if he bought the rights to the song, why bother killing you for it? Or--oh. Duh. If you died, he could keep the song and the quarter-million."

"And release it as his own triumphant return to the country music stage," Eliot confirmed. "And since it was Kaye Lynn's last remaining song he didn't already own . . . well, it got a little iffy there, for a bit."

"But then you beat him up and got him arrested for attempted murder?" Kathy asked, because she'd, y'know, met Eliot.

"Almost. I let him punch me and got him on tape admitting to murder. Then Kaye Lynn jumped in on her own song when he tried to perform it, and now she and her brother have an actual record deal. And all their own songs back."

"Okay, so I'm still not clear on how this random persona you invented still managed to get backstage at the CMAs," Kathy said, because she didn't understand the full extent of how good Eliot was at everything ever. "Was Kaye Lynn there? Did she and her brother make it big or something?"

"Kaye Lynn was there," Eliot said. "In the audience. She hasn't made it that big yet." As for the rest of her question, Eliot could only shrug. "I had Hardison and Parker with me. The three of us are good at makin' things happen."

"Well, yeah, but I always assumed you meant, things like...I don't know. Like bringing down politicians and Big Pharma and stuff, not also just getting backstage to get autographs and things." Though with their varied skills, she could see how easy it would be for them. "Did Mr. Hardison put you on some special list or Parker steal you a pass or...?"

"Little bit of a lot of things," Eliot said. "I . . . did end up having to perform though. A song I sort of tossed off at the last minute. Not one of my best moments."

Thank god it hadn't been anywhere near the mainstage. He probably would have choked and died from nerves.

Pffft, Kathy didn't believe it. At some point, she'd joined the group of people convinced that Eliot could do anything.

And, in case they needed proof, there was his entire career.

"You had to perform, huh?" she asked, smirking a little. "What made that happen?"

Easy money was on Parker. Somehow.

Eliot's entire career had more to do with not being clever enough to go down and stay there. Combined with a strange, subconscious refusal to get killed. No matter what the rest of his head tried to tell him.

"Parker shoved me out onto a stage," Eliot said. "I think she was plottin' it from the beginning."

"That's not fair!" Kathy protested. "...I'm fairly certain Mr. Hardison helped."

"He probably cleared the stage to make sure she'd have the chance to do it," Eliot said with a sigh. "Pretty sure he's regretting that, now he has to scrub Tube-Tubes or whatever it's called. Again."

Eliot knew what it was called.

"You don't--" Kathy suddenly wanted to buy Mr. Hardison all the drinks. "Did you mean Youtube?"

"Sure, that's the one," Eliot said. "Every time I end up performin' it goes up on the net and it gets a little more likely that the wrong person'll end up recognizin' me."

"But you keep doing it," Kathy noted. "Because it makes them happy."

She was onto you, secret romantic.

And, you know, because he actually really really enjoyed the attention and the brief glimpses into other lives he could have had, if he'd made other choices.

"And because they literally forced me to do it."

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