Rinoa Heartilly (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angelo_wings) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2015-02-06 12:09 pm
angelo_wings) wrote in fandomhigh2015-02-06 12:09 pm
Entry tags:
Powers, Identity and the World: Embracing the Real You - Friday, Period One
Today’s class was going to be a bit lopsided. Unlike last week, both teachers were present -- Rinoa, sitting nervously on the desk, and Jono, arms folded in the chair behind it -- but this class was Rinoa’s idea, so she was going to be doing most of the talking.
It was only fair. He’d taken over when she had been suffering from some rare exotic avian flu* the week before, so this was his turn. Moreover, he -- well. It wasn’t that he disagreed with her, because he didn’t, exactly. But devoting not just a sentence or two as disclaimer, but an entire class to this issue? That was something she’d pushed for, so he had agreed to let her have this one session just to climb up onto her soapbox.
*completely average cold
“Welcome back,” Rinoa said, feeling suddenly small as she realized it was just-her in charge this time. Okay. Deep breaths. “Over the next few weeks, Jono and I want to talk about your inner circle, and how careful you should be with it -- what types of people to look out for. People are going to use you, deceive you, manipulate you, suck up to you, avoid you, all of that awful stuff, and you need to be aware that it’s going to happen so you know good ways to prevent it.”
All well and good.
“But that’s not what this class is about.” Her hands were reaching up, unconsciously, to touch the rings on a chain around her neck. “Because the thing is, I think -- I think that some of you already know that lesson too well. You know how to hide. You know how to avoid. You’ve learned that no one is safe, so you stay away from the world. Or you’ve turned it inside-out. You aren’t safe, so you lock yourself away to save everyone else.”
She was glancing around the room now, trying to meet the eyes of everyone who she suspected might need this talk. Just based on how they were fidgeting or slumping.
“And you’re wrong.”
Her voice was steady as she continued. “You couldn’t be more wrong. It’s not safer for them, and it’s certainly not safer for you. No man is an island. The problem is fear. You’re afraid. So it’s easier to hide. But that just makes it so much easier for all of your problems to spin out of control.”
She glanced back at Jono, who gave her a nod as if to say she was doing fine. That helped her nerves, so she cleared her throat.
“I’ve told you before that I’m a Sorceress,” she said. “I didn’t tell you what that means. Most Sorceresses go mad. They can’t handle the power they have. They isolate themselves, and they lose their sanities. They turn into crazed dictators, fighting wars. They need to be stopped, forcibly. People are so afraid of Sorceresses that they tried to lock me away, and I was so afraid of what I might do -- of the things I had already done -- that I almost let them.”
Well, she had let them, but luckily Squall had had other ideas.
“I got some advice,” she said. “From an older, wiser Sorceress. A lovely, kind woman who ran an orphanage with her husband and had been a Sorceress since she was just a child. She was the one who told me I had it all wrong. Sorceresses don’t need isolation. They need to be grounded. They need Knights. A Knight is someone who guards the Sorceress from the darker side of her powers. From herself, if need be. He protects her heart, and her humanity.”
She smiled as her fingers traced the familiar grooves on her mother’s ring. “I have a Knight,” she said. “I’m still scared. But I’m safer with a Knight than I would be, hiding away and trying to wish all of my powers away. That won’t help anything. Isolating yourself won’t help anything. It’ll only make it all the easier for you to become separated out from the rest of the world. You need to be tied to the world. You, your essential self, you need other people to keep you yourself.”
She was explaining in circles, but maybe they understood.
“Find someone to trust. Maybe back home no one understands, but you’re in Fandom. People here do. Don’t close that door out of fear. We’ll be talking in weeks to come about who not to trust, but I wanted to say this first: don’t be afraid to trust. Be wise, be cautious, but be open. Not just so you can stay safe, but also so you don’t -- waste your life locked so far inside of yourself that you don’t know how to come out again.”
She shrugged awkwardly. “That’s all I wanted to say.”
It was only fair. He’d taken over when she had been suffering from some rare exotic avian flu* the week before, so this was his turn. Moreover, he -- well. It wasn’t that he disagreed with her, because he didn’t, exactly. But devoting not just a sentence or two as disclaimer, but an entire class to this issue? That was something she’d pushed for, so he had agreed to let her have this one session just to climb up onto her soapbox.
*completely average cold
“Welcome back,” Rinoa said, feeling suddenly small as she realized it was just-her in charge this time. Okay. Deep breaths. “Over the next few weeks, Jono and I want to talk about your inner circle, and how careful you should be with it -- what types of people to look out for. People are going to use you, deceive you, manipulate you, suck up to you, avoid you, all of that awful stuff, and you need to be aware that it’s going to happen so you know good ways to prevent it.”
All well and good.
“But that’s not what this class is about.” Her hands were reaching up, unconsciously, to touch the rings on a chain around her neck. “Because the thing is, I think -- I think that some of you already know that lesson too well. You know how to hide. You know how to avoid. You’ve learned that no one is safe, so you stay away from the world. Or you’ve turned it inside-out. You aren’t safe, so you lock yourself away to save everyone else.”
She was glancing around the room now, trying to meet the eyes of everyone who she suspected might need this talk. Just based on how they were fidgeting or slumping.
“And you’re wrong.”
Her voice was steady as she continued. “You couldn’t be more wrong. It’s not safer for them, and it’s certainly not safer for you. No man is an island. The problem is fear. You’re afraid. So it’s easier to hide. But that just makes it so much easier for all of your problems to spin out of control.”
She glanced back at Jono, who gave her a nod as if to say she was doing fine. That helped her nerves, so she cleared her throat.
“I’ve told you before that I’m a Sorceress,” she said. “I didn’t tell you what that means. Most Sorceresses go mad. They can’t handle the power they have. They isolate themselves, and they lose their sanities. They turn into crazed dictators, fighting wars. They need to be stopped, forcibly. People are so afraid of Sorceresses that they tried to lock me away, and I was so afraid of what I might do -- of the things I had already done -- that I almost let them.”
Well, she had let them, but luckily Squall had had other ideas.
“I got some advice,” she said. “From an older, wiser Sorceress. A lovely, kind woman who ran an orphanage with her husband and had been a Sorceress since she was just a child. She was the one who told me I had it all wrong. Sorceresses don’t need isolation. They need to be grounded. They need Knights. A Knight is someone who guards the Sorceress from the darker side of her powers. From herself, if need be. He protects her heart, and her humanity.”
She smiled as her fingers traced the familiar grooves on her mother’s ring. “I have a Knight,” she said. “I’m still scared. But I’m safer with a Knight than I would be, hiding away and trying to wish all of my powers away. That won’t help anything. Isolating yourself won’t help anything. It’ll only make it all the easier for you to become separated out from the rest of the world. You need to be tied to the world. You, your essential self, you need other people to keep you yourself.”
She was explaining in circles, but maybe they understood.
“Find someone to trust. Maybe back home no one understands, but you’re in Fandom. People here do. Don’t close that door out of fear. We’ll be talking in weeks to come about who not to trust, but I wanted to say this first: don’t be afraid to trust. Be wise, be cautious, but be open. Not just so you can stay safe, but also so you don’t -- waste your life locked so far inside of yourself that you don’t know how to come out again.”
She shrugged awkwardly. “That’s all I wanted to say.”
Re: During the Lecture [2-6]
doodlingscribbing notes as usual pretty much up to the whole "need a knight" thing. Yeah, okay, it made sense and all but the whole thing sounded a little too close to "find a husband to take care of you" for her comfort. She slouched back a little and stopped glancing up from hernotesdoodles.She already had a guy in her life to reign her in, even if he was states and decades away from Fandom. These days that kind of felt like it was the problem, not a solution.