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Faculty Meeting (Friday after classes)

After the student council cleared out, Zoe got the council room set up for yet another meeting, hoping all the teachers had gotten her ~~handwavey~~ email. Sure, classes had only been in session for a week, but she figured it was a good idea to check the new teachers for shell shock early. There were warm food and drinks set out (not the leftovers from the student council... at least, not totally) but nothing alcoholic. If people wanted to go that route, they would have to bring their own this time.

"Hello there, come on in and have a seat if you'd like," she said. "I thought it might be good for everyone to have a chance to get together without students around, and be inside where it's warm. I hope everyone's had a good first week. If you haven't, well, now you have a room full of people to vent to." It was the little things that helped make this job better.

[Open to all staff and OCD free!]

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Hannibal made a moue of distaste. "There are some unscrupulous people in every profession. Unfortunately, when a psychiatrist uses their position for ill, the consequences can be dire. I'm sorry you've had to deal with them."

He raised an eyebrow politely. "Right about what?"

"Thank you." That was a very nice apology on behalf of your profession, Dr. Lecter.

"That giving the kids treats is a good way to motivate them! Pinkie agrees with us too."

It was the least he could do ~~to keep from answering her question~~!

"It is." Hannibal nodded. "Ideally, of course, they would motivate themselves, but many of them aren't there yet, and you can hardly teach them if they don't attend." He smiled. "I've even had students take the same exact class twice. I don't think it's for the subject matter."

"HA." Parker was gleeful. "Good. I'm using you in the argument."

She did notice you didn't answer that question, but many people didn't... but if she ever finds out you're evil, Dr. Lecter, she's going to push you off a cliff without a cord. And not worry about it for a heartbeat.

"Eliot was going on about tests. Seriously?"

Well, Hannibal didn't consider himself evil! But he knew some people had different definitions, yes. And while he might not want to be pushed off a cliff, he would appreciate the lack of guilt or worry; it was important to own your decisions.

"Tests can also be a motivator," he acknowledged, "but they chiefly seem to work by terrifying the students into compliance. I prefer a more positive approach. Besides," he said, "I would expect Eliot to be happy to have a chance to cook for an appreciative audience."

Okay, so sometimes being evil was fun.

Parker was good at that! that squiggly good/evil line sometimes tripped her up, but she knew all about taking responsibility!

"I am so using that to get him to make some for another class. Maybe ooooooo I have an idea! The buffet table, YES."

No, no one expects you to follow that, Hannibal.

Yeah, he was doing fairly well, but there was a limit. "The buffet table?" he prompted.

And good and evil could just be so fluid!

Mostly it was the eating people. If they're dead, why not give them the funeral they'd like? They're dead.

"That's how we broke-- ahem. Defeated a puzzle once. Using stuff from a buffet table." Parker looked very pleased with herself. "And if I let him make all the food, or tell him he has to, then he can't complain that we did it because it's for the assignment!"

Hopefully you followed that. It doesn't get much clearer. Well, she did steal your wallet, you probably get the idea.

They could still have perfectly good funerals! Most of them could even be open casket, if they wanted - it wasn't as though he took very visible parts most of the time.

And yes, he definitely could get the idea. "I look forward to hearing all about your class on the radio." If only to hear about Eliot's reaction. "Someone has warned you about the squirrels, haven't they?"

Parker's expression immediately got-- squirrelly. "What about the squirrels?"

"They gather notes for the island's radio station," Hannibal told her. "Anything you do may be reported on to everyone here. If you want them to look the other way, the best thing to do is to bribe them with rum."

"Pirate squirrels?" Hardison had shown her that movie. "SPY SQUIRRELS. Like ~~meta for~~ Rocky and Bullwinkle!"

Was that awesome? She kinda thought it was awesome.

Also, now she wanted to capture a squirrel. Thanks, Hannibal!

You were very welcome, squirrels and Parker!

"More like reporters." Hannibal shrugged. "They also occasionally kidnap people for long enough to read the news on the radio. But they seem harmless otherwise."

Hannibal had all the best rum, just in case.

Parker made a high-pitched noise of sheer glee that would probably have Eliot looking hunted, if her heard it.

"PERFECTION."

Island, she was starting to like you, as well as the people on you. Just so you know.

SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL!

Please. Eliot had been looking hunted for the duration of this whole conversation. He wasn't listening in, but don't think he wasn't watching suspiciously from across the room.

One of the most dangerous (and one of his most favorite) people he'd met talking happily to one of the creepiest?

You're damn right he was looking hunted.

At some point a little later, Parker intercepted Eliot and said, "I have two votes now for cake!"

Never mind that those people still weren't technically suppose to get votes.

"Yeah? Are they teachin' the class with you, now? 'Cause if not, I'm not seein' as they have a vote."

"They teach too, their opinions should count," Parker insisted stubbornly. "Pinkie completely gets this. And Dr. Lecter agrees students should want to come to class."

First person resources! Hardison would be so proud of her.

"Pinkie is a pony," Eliot said. "She probably literally lives on rainbows and sprinkles. And Hannibal. . . ." He trained off, not quite sure how much he wanted to get into the whole 'he's freaking creepy and I have no idea why and that bugs the hell out of me'. " . . What do you think of him?"

"He's polite? And he had a really nice wallet." She'd gotten better at this grifting stuff, but it still wasn't her best area when not on a job. "But he's a psychiatrist. Voluntarily."

There had to be something wrong with that. "Why?"

It had to be more than the shrink thing. It had to. "Nothin'," Eliot said. "He's a gourmet chef, you know. He's definitely not feeding his students cake and m&ms."

"Gourmet. Hmm." Parker still thought that whole haute cuisine thing was a very elaborate con game. Especially after pretending to be a food critic that one time. Maybe that's what she picked up on? "So we should make up for that. Jolly Ranchers and Cheetos this week. At least if they finish in time?"

Motivation! She knew this one!

Or maybe it was the food critics who were the cons. Did you think of that, Parker?

"Cheetos?" Eliot made a little crushing gesture with his hands, like he wanted to smash the bags of snack foods into little crumbs. "Do you have any idea what kind of crap they put in those things?!"

At least the cake had been freshly baked!

"Something extrose and something alyamine." Of course she was making those up, she couldn't remember which labels she'd read and which ones Hardison had told her about. "Hardison figures his body will be completely preservatives by the time he dies. In a hundred years."

NOT ANY SOONER, HARDISON. NOT ALLOWED.

"... and red food coloring! But if you'd rather give them cake...."

LET THEM EAT CAKE, ELIOT.

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Faculty Meeting (Friday after classes)

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