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fandomhigh2014-11-11 09:48 am
begmetwice.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2014-11-11 09:48 am
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Sex, Dating and Self-Confidence [Tuesday, Period 2]
"Good morning, kiddos," Irene greeted them, the question box firmly on her be-skirted lap once more. "I don't want to talk about this weekend, and I imagine none of you do, either." So much floaty chiffon, guys. So much. "First and foremost, we have a couple things from the box."
She plucked one slip of paper out, cleared her throat, and read, "I tried to break it off. I thought I could stay away. But there's a pull here and... and... I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor or come crushing through your door... Question Box, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
Yeah, I know some Speedwagon. What about it?"
She glanced up, raising a brow. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I really want to see these two work it out. It's terribly romantic. And, in fact, this sort of magnetism is one of the things we're going to talk about today. But! Moving onward!"
She pulled another slip of paper from the box, a little more subdued as she read this one aloud. "So, say you had this major trauma and you're figuring out you're not really interested in dating or anything yet. How long do you think it takes to be ready for that again, and when do you just decide you're probably gonna die alone surrounded by cats?
(Cats who probably eat you till your body's found, by the way. Cats are assholes.)"
Irene blew a breath out in a long exhale, looking up. "I really wish I had an answer for you, luv, whoever asked this," she said, offering the class a little half-smile. "On the one hand, I don't think you should give up and plan on dying alone amongst felines -- you're all young. You have time to move on and heal. But...speaking from my own experience, there's no set timeframe on any of that. Healing's a process that's personal to everyone -- it might be a few months, or it might be years before you feel ready to open yourself up to closeness with another person. You might need to look into having someone else help you, even, depending on the trauma in question. Some things...take a little longer for us to bounce back from than others. But what I can say, definitively, is that you are much too young to worry about the alternative -- it might take a long time to heal, but I'm absolutely confident that you will. Just...don't set expectations for yourself. Don't rush it. There's no need."
She waved the slip, gently, and added, "Whoever asked this -- if you need someone to talk to, my door is always open. And I don't judge. Believe me, I've -- well, no, in a place like this, I've probably not been there. But I can relate, at least. And that goes for all of you. The question box is a wonderful resource, but if any of you ever need to talk, the door is open."
Pause.
"And cats are assholes. You're right on that. Onto today's class topic!"
"We'll talk more about this next week," Irene said, setting the box aside and standing up, "but the human brain is wired to crave companionship -- for the most part. Again, as in everything in this class, there are no hard-and-fast rules, but most of us like being around other people, at least to some degree. Some of us are extroverts, and tend to gravitate towards large groups and enjoy being social. Some of us are introverts, and we enjoy a more intimate setting, or our own company for long stretches at a time. And a lot of time, our personality can influence our dating style."
"I have known octogenarians who never got married," Irene said, ticking things off on her fingers, "and felt utterly fulfilled by the relationships they sustained during their lifetimes. And I've known high school sweethearts who couldn't be happier having only had sex with each other their entire lives. I know happy couples, and I know happy playboys, and playgirls. But there's a certain double standard to society, in terms of who is allowed to date about, and who is criticized for it." She made a face. "I hate to bring paparazzi fodder into this, but for example, look at how the media treats George Clooney -- the man had an endless string of young, leggy brunettes on his arm for years, and got called a delightful old bachelor for it. And I think that's wonderful -- though I do understand he recently settled down with one such leggy brunette. But then look at the portrayal of Jennifer Aniston -- for years, she's been asked when she's going to marry again, how she's doing after Brad Pitt, when they divorced close to a decade ago. Society as a rule seems to dictate that it's perfectly fine for men to spend their time amongst the company of who they wish, and women should be more careful and prone to commitment, lest they be thought of as…unwholesome, in some way."
She shook her head. "Social pressures aside, we all like what we like. I think we can agree on that. And wanting a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, is perfectly natural. So is wanting to try out a lot of different options. You might date boys all through high school, and decide on the first day of college that you're curious about girls. You might have a series of long, monogamous relationships with people. You might have relationships with multiple people at a time. Commitment is a funny thing, and it works differently for everyone."
"You're all young, as I've already stressed a bit today," she said, flashing them a small smile. "You have your entire lives ahead of you to date and experiment and try things out. And yes, some of you are paired off even now, and I'm not here to discourage that. But my questions for us to consider today are these: what, do you think, are the benefits to playing the field, as it were? Are there downsides? And what are the benefits -- and downsides -- to monogamy? It doesn't have to come down to an us-versus-them," she added, holding her hands up. "I know I have a few happy couples in here, and I'm advocating for you lot, too. But just...think about it. Think about whether you judge someone for their dating habits, and whether you've seen it done, too. Why is that?"
She plucked one slip of paper out, cleared her throat, and read, "I tried to break it off. I thought I could stay away. But there's a pull here and... and... I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor or come crushing through your door... Question Box, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
Yeah, I know some Speedwagon. What about it?"
She glanced up, raising a brow. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I really want to see these two work it out. It's terribly romantic. And, in fact, this sort of magnetism is one of the things we're going to talk about today. But! Moving onward!"
She pulled another slip of paper from the box, a little more subdued as she read this one aloud. "So, say you had this major trauma and you're figuring out you're not really interested in dating or anything yet. How long do you think it takes to be ready for that again, and when do you just decide you're probably gonna die alone surrounded by cats?
(Cats who probably eat you till your body's found, by the way. Cats are assholes.)"
Irene blew a breath out in a long exhale, looking up. "I really wish I had an answer for you, luv, whoever asked this," she said, offering the class a little half-smile. "On the one hand, I don't think you should give up and plan on dying alone amongst felines -- you're all young. You have time to move on and heal. But...speaking from my own experience, there's no set timeframe on any of that. Healing's a process that's personal to everyone -- it might be a few months, or it might be years before you feel ready to open yourself up to closeness with another person. You might need to look into having someone else help you, even, depending on the trauma in question. Some things...take a little longer for us to bounce back from than others. But what I can say, definitively, is that you are much too young to worry about the alternative -- it might take a long time to heal, but I'm absolutely confident that you will. Just...don't set expectations for yourself. Don't rush it. There's no need."
She waved the slip, gently, and added, "Whoever asked this -- if you need someone to talk to, my door is always open. And I don't judge. Believe me, I've -- well, no, in a place like this, I've probably not been there. But I can relate, at least. And that goes for all of you. The question box is a wonderful resource, but if any of you ever need to talk, the door is open."
Pause.
"And cats are assholes. You're right on that. Onto today's class topic!"
"We'll talk more about this next week," Irene said, setting the box aside and standing up, "but the human brain is wired to crave companionship -- for the most part. Again, as in everything in this class, there are no hard-and-fast rules, but most of us like being around other people, at least to some degree. Some of us are extroverts, and tend to gravitate towards large groups and enjoy being social. Some of us are introverts, and we enjoy a more intimate setting, or our own company for long stretches at a time. And a lot of time, our personality can influence our dating style."
"I have known octogenarians who never got married," Irene said, ticking things off on her fingers, "and felt utterly fulfilled by the relationships they sustained during their lifetimes. And I've known high school sweethearts who couldn't be happier having only had sex with each other their entire lives. I know happy couples, and I know happy playboys, and playgirls. But there's a certain double standard to society, in terms of who is allowed to date about, and who is criticized for it." She made a face. "I hate to bring paparazzi fodder into this, but for example, look at how the media treats George Clooney -- the man had an endless string of young, leggy brunettes on his arm for years, and got called a delightful old bachelor for it. And I think that's wonderful -- though I do understand he recently settled down with one such leggy brunette. But then look at the portrayal of Jennifer Aniston -- for years, she's been asked when she's going to marry again, how she's doing after Brad Pitt, when they divorced close to a decade ago. Society as a rule seems to dictate that it's perfectly fine for men to spend their time amongst the company of who they wish, and women should be more careful and prone to commitment, lest they be thought of as…unwholesome, in some way."
She shook her head. "Social pressures aside, we all like what we like. I think we can agree on that. And wanting a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, is perfectly natural. So is wanting to try out a lot of different options. You might date boys all through high school, and decide on the first day of college that you're curious about girls. You might have a series of long, monogamous relationships with people. You might have relationships with multiple people at a time. Commitment is a funny thing, and it works differently for everyone."
"You're all young, as I've already stressed a bit today," she said, flashing them a small smile. "You have your entire lives ahead of you to date and experiment and try things out. And yes, some of you are paired off even now, and I'm not here to discourage that. But my questions for us to consider today are these: what, do you think, are the benefits to playing the field, as it were? Are there downsides? And what are the benefits -- and downsides -- to monogamy? It doesn't have to come down to an us-versus-them," she added, holding her hands up. "I know I have a few happy couples in here, and I'm advocating for you lot, too. But just...think about it. Think about whether you judge someone for their dating habits, and whether you've seen it done, too. Why is that?"
Re: Listen to the lecture [11/11]