fandomhigh | [Tactics of War] [Monday 6 p.m to 8 p.m.]

“I am Fifth” is written on the chalkboard.

He smiles cheerfully as each student files in and may or may not have a sensory overload when he sees the young teenage Sam Carter.

Once everyone is settled in and he’s composed himself, he begins –

“Your professor is away on business, I’m afraid, and you will be stuck with me for at least this class period and perhaps the next. My name is Fifth.” He smiles very widely and might bounce a little in place.

“On your desk is an iPod with four episodes of the television series “Wormhole X-Treme.” I would like you to pick one, watch it and write down three war tactics used by the characters.

Your choices are:

(1) Shades of Purple in which Colonel Danning quits the SGX to work with the nefarious Colonel Juneborne.
(2) Ergo in which our intrepid heroes have a mischievous consciousness downloaded into their brains to study them.
(3) Power Corrupts Absolutely in which Dr. Levant is seduced by the darkside.
(4) And my favorite - OMG WE ARE SUPERHEROES!! in which our heroes gain amazing superpowers.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Please keep in-class chatter to a minimum.

[[ooc: (1) Shades of Grey, (2) Urgo, (3) Absolute Power, (4) Upgrades. www.youtube.com AMAZES ME, omg. Check it out!!! And if you don’t want to watch, plz just handwave the assignment.]]

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"Maybe they drank the purple alien Kool-Aid so many times they have brain damage. Or an addiction?" Parker snickered. "And you still haven't explained the girlkissy."

"And I'm right there with you. Cramer and Levant: doin' it in the supply closets. Constantly." Parker threw back another kernel of popcorn. "Did you see the way he held onto her hand? Heh."

"I think they just have brain damage from being hit in the head one too many times," said Janet. She gestured at the screen. "Do you realize how many concussions Dr. Levant got over the course of the series? Any reasonable doctor would have seriously considered forcing him to wear protective headgear every time they sent him off-world!" Which she had considered, but had been vetoed on every time by O'Neill, damn it. She ignored the comment about the girlkissy. Maybe Parker would forget about it?

"Dr. Cramer and Dr. Levant were not going at it constantly in the supply closets!" Janet flailed just a bit. Again. "Maybe he was just holding onto her hand in a friendly manner! I'm sure that's all it was. They were just friends." She said it firmly. And loudly. And ~~totally unconvincingly~~ with complete conviction.

Sam may have started giggling. "How could he be the studliest archeologist ever if he had to wear a special helmet?"

"Well, that's disappointing," Sam replied, biting her lip in amusement. "I'd like to think they were doing something in secret. I mean, someone should have been. I've never seen two more celibate women on television. A little full-fledged characterization wouldn't have been remiss."

"Maybe they just should have riveted plates inside his head. You'd think with all the special secret super alien technology, they could have reinforced his big brain so it didn't keep getting messed with." Parker snickered. "And I say Danning and the Colonel Chick are doing it, and Levant and Cramer are doing it, and they're all turning to the alien guy when they're on breaks from each other, and there's a harem of archeologist women on some planet waiting for their savior to come back!" She threw a handful of popcorn at Janet on this last bit.

"Maybe his big brain is just easily distracted by half-naked alien women!" exclaimed Janet. "Did you SEE the way the alien bimbo scientist was looking at him? But Danning and Monroe were NOT doing it, and Levant and Cramer were also VERY MUCH NOT EITHER, and the alien guy is just there to take his shirt off and look studly, but he's too devoted to his off-planet love interest!"

She didn't stomp her foot. Much. "AND THERE IS NO HAREM OF ARCHAEOLOGIST WOMEN!" Janet picked a piece of popcorn off her shirt and popped it in her mouth while glaring at the screen.

"The bimbo alien scientist needs to learn to wear clothes that actually fit her," Sam said, scornfully, "not to mention keeping her hands off the Colonel and Levant."

"Alright, Janet, there was no sex. WE GET IT." There may have been pouting. "And the alien guy is obviously there for the rest of the audience to identify with, because no one else is even close to normal."

"There could be a harem. A wee one." She edged carefully away from Janet.

"Small. Petite. With petite women." Oh, they were SO dead. "And I think the alien guy is there to be sane and sober and hot. 'Cause we all need hot sanity."

"And the scientific bimbo's gonna get hurt if she keeps wearing clothes like that. A girl can lose a rib, wearing that kind of jacket."

"There is no harem!" said Janet. "Especially not a petite harem!" She grabbed Parker's popcorn, not mentioning that she actually agreed about Grell, and glared.

"The scientific bimbo's goiing to get hurt if she interrupts Dr. Cramer one more time," muttered Janet. "What kind of a scientist dresses like that if she wants to be taken seriously? Oh, wait, that's right! A lousy scientist with no fashion sense."

She flung the contents of Parker's bucket of popcorn at Parker and Sam. Killer robots, Fifth, and SGC-referential episodes of Wormhole X-Treme. Then she turned around and left the class. If Eighth or Fifth really expected that she was going to turn in homework after the 'mysterious' attack of killer robots in Shop class today, they had another thing coming.

Parker pretty much fell off a desk laughing at her, then threw a handful of popcorn at Carter for good measure. "So, why girlkissy?"

[Tactics of War] [Monday 6 p.m to 8 p.m.]

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