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fandomhigh2014-09-18 02:12 am
doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2014-09-18 02:12 am
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Creative Writing--So Simple Even You Can Do It! (Probably)
Lucky for all of you, your teacher was back at her desk today, looking none the worse for wear after her period of debauchery. That's because she had practice, kids, don't try this at home.
"So, if you watched last week's movie, you'll know that books with only one character are boring as Vanorva," she said, by way of greeting. "That was a town populated by virgins, by the way, so you can imagine how boring that was. No, really, when I try to have sex with someone, they turned into a ghost and was all, 'You brooooke the cuuuuurse' and I was all, 'I don't care, stick it in!' and instead of that, the whole town vanished. That's how boring a book with one character is. Don't do that."
Because a celebrated children's classic wasn't good enough for your teacher. And, by extension, you. So there. "At minimum, you need two main characters, the good guy and the bad guy. You need a good guy, because that's who your book is about, and a bad guy because a book about everyone getting along is almost as boring as a book about one person. Even the sex--" which she just assumed you all were writing "--gets boring. Three people's a good number, because you have the good guy, the bad guy, and the sex partner, who generally ends up with the good guy." She shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, you can have the good guy and the bad guy bang, and the bad guy and the sex partner bang, and even a menage a trois. That's what the plot is for, figuring out who is banging who and when. And, all the other stuff, like who's getting murdered and who stole the jeweled eyes from the statue in the temple, and all the rest of the plotty bits, but it's the three main characters who push the action forward. Heh. Heh heh heh."
Yes, she was laughing at her own pun. This was Navaan, after all. "Now, people like it best if your bad guy is just evil for no reason, because then no one feels guilty when he or she or zhe or it or they gets killed all ugly like in the climatic--heh heh heh--final scene. Just make sure it's a kind of sexy evil, or else no one's going to believe it when your main character has sex with them for like three chapters. As for your good guy and your sex partner, that's usually easy. Go with people you know. Change some features around so no one can prove anything, make 'em hotter or smarter or whatever, or maybe mashup two people into one, but trust me, it's a lot easier doing that than it is coming up with completely new characters. You have a lot of other things you need to be thinking about, like keeping track of everyone's hands and remembering what is and is not an acceptable lube."
No, seriously, that one was important.
"There are a bunch of other characters you can shove in there, like sidekicks, monks, minions, and fake-death merchants and stuff, but they're not really important. No one cares about them. It's the big three you have to worry about. Once you have those down, everyone else just kind of falls in line."
"So, if you watched last week's movie, you'll know that books with only one character are boring as Vanorva," she said, by way of greeting. "That was a town populated by virgins, by the way, so you can imagine how boring that was. No, really, when I try to have sex with someone, they turned into a ghost and was all, 'You brooooke the cuuuuurse' and I was all, 'I don't care, stick it in!' and instead of that, the whole town vanished. That's how boring a book with one character is. Don't do that."
Because a celebrated children's classic wasn't good enough for your teacher. And, by extension, you. So there. "At minimum, you need two main characters, the good guy and the bad guy. You need a good guy, because that's who your book is about, and a bad guy because a book about everyone getting along is almost as boring as a book about one person. Even the sex--" which she just assumed you all were writing "--gets boring. Three people's a good number, because you have the good guy, the bad guy, and the sex partner, who generally ends up with the good guy." She shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, you can have the good guy and the bad guy bang, and the bad guy and the sex partner bang, and even a menage a trois. That's what the plot is for, figuring out who is banging who and when. And, all the other stuff, like who's getting murdered and who stole the jeweled eyes from the statue in the temple, and all the rest of the plotty bits, but it's the three main characters who push the action forward. Heh. Heh heh heh."
Yes, she was laughing at her own pun. This was Navaan, after all. "Now, people like it best if your bad guy is just evil for no reason, because then no one feels guilty when he or she or zhe or it or they gets killed all ugly like in the climatic--heh heh heh--final scene. Just make sure it's a kind of sexy evil, or else no one's going to believe it when your main character has sex with them for like three chapters. As for your good guy and your sex partner, that's usually easy. Go with people you know. Change some features around so no one can prove anything, make 'em hotter or smarter or whatever, or maybe mashup two people into one, but trust me, it's a lot easier doing that than it is coming up with completely new characters. You have a lot of other things you need to be thinking about, like keeping track of everyone's hands and remembering what is and is not an acceptable lube."
No, seriously, that one was important.
"There are a bunch of other characters you can shove in there, like sidekicks, monks, minions, and fake-death merchants and stuff, but they're not really important. No one cares about them. It's the big three you have to worry about. Once you have those down, everyone else just kind of falls in line."
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Listen to the Lecture
Re: Listen to the Lecture
It didn't damage the really fun stuff. That was important.
Activity--Main Characters
Super important: when and how will they bang?!
Navaan asks the hard questions here. Heh heh heh.
Activity--Questionnaires
if he was there. "Here are some character questionnaires so you can get to know more about the characters you just made up. Choose one and fill it out for your main character! Or the sex partner. Or even the bad guy, I guess, but why are you worries about that one's personality? Go figure out how many kittens they drowned instead."Character Questionnaire 1 (http://www.writingclasses.com/InformationPages/index.php/PageID/106)
Character Questionnaire 2 (http://writeworld.tumblr.com/private/25825848476/tumblr_m65jd5nLbY1rnl2v3)
Character Questionnaire 3 (http://writeworld.tumblr.com/private/25804666454/tumblr_m6546yCgN81rnl2v3)
Re: Activity--Questionnaires
Marty Stumain character, who was a blend of what Anders was and what he wished he might be.Nickname: Nevs
Age: 19
General physical description: 6'3", golden hair, chocolate brown eyes, handsome face.
Hometown: Cumberland, Nevarra
Type of home/neighborhood: Grew up on a large wheat farm on the distant outskirts of Cumberland. Since leaving the Circle of Magi, has set himself up in a small apartment above a potion shop on one of the worst streets in Denerim.
Family background (parents, previous marriages, etc.): Only child, born late in his mother's life. His parents were prosperous, but not noble. He was captured and taken to the Circle of Mages at age 10.
Relationship with men: Yes please!
Relationship with women: Yes please!
Job: Healer, with a gift for solving the larger issues in the lives of those he helps. Pays his rent by curing embarassing diseases in the sons of the well-to-do.
Favorite pastimes: Playing with his kittens, drawing, going into the wild to kill darkspawn.
Strongest positive personality trait: Nevs is devoted to helping the downtrodden, but hasn't forgotten how to have fun.
Strongest negative personality trait: Sometimes he cares too much and it makes him reckless.
Sense of humor: Witty, with a habit of deflecting worry with flippant remarks.
Temper: Generally calm, unless mages or innocents are being persecuted. Then you don't want to get in his way.
Ambitions: To crush the Circle and set all mages free.
Philosophy of life: "Life is an amazing gift. It's my duty as a mage to help others enjoy it as fully as the Maker intended."
Most important thing to know about this character: He's a hero, even though he may not know it yet.
Re: Activity--Questionnaires
What is your characters name? Does the character have a nickname?
Shmaan Shmolo, AKA Vandal Dashing, Esquire
What is your characters hair color? Eye color?
Hair: chestnut, and rakishly tousled. Eyes: dark brown, almost black, and smoldering.
What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?
A scar, marring one of his perfect cheekbones, a neatly groomed Van Dyke, and brooding eyebrows.
Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?
He has a wine-red birthmark on his ass in the shape of a spaceship. He has several assorted scars from various manly gun-and-or-knife fights, but none of them is ugly or disfiguring.
Who are your characters friends and family? Who does she surround herself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?
He is an orphan who grew up on the streets, and his only friend is his co-pilot/business partner/friend/sometimes lover, Stunning Wingman.
Where was your character born? Where has she lived since then? Where does she call home?
He was born on the mean streets of the planet Adonis, but calls nowhere home. He's a wanderer, a loner, forever wandering the galaxy in solitude. Except when he's with his partner, which is all the time.
Where does your character go when hes angry?
Nowhere. When he's angry, other people go.
What is her biggest fear? Who has she told this to? Who would she never tell this to? Why?
His biggest fear is that someday he'll get too old and his stunning good looks will fade, so he's hoping to make/borrow/steal enough money by then to keep him in pussy for the rest of his life.
Does she have a secret?
He's secretly looking for LURRRRRRVE. He hasn't even told himself this secret yet. But the audience probably suspects.
What makes your character laugh out loud?
Bad guys trying to kill him, because they're so bad at it. Him killing bad guys, because it's awesome.
When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?
No, he's a loner who doesn't believe in love, especially since he suspects that if he met the right person he'd fall hard and do stupid things for her like maybe save the world.
What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On her bedroom floor? On her nightstand? In her garbage can?
Fridge: Lots of space-beer, and some old stale space-pizza. Bedroom floor: all of his clothes, both the dirty ones and the clean ones. Also, other people's underwear that they left behind. And sex toys. And other random crap. Nightstand: Nothing. His bedroom is on his spaceship, so everything falls off the nightstand onto the floor. Garbage can: not much. Everything goes into the incinerator, when he finally gets around to picking it up off the floor.
Look at your characters feet. Describe what you see there. Does he wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Is he in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or is he wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by his grandmother?
He's wearing practical yet dashing boots, made from the hide of a beast he killed himself while smuggling contraband on a jungle planet.
When your character thinks of her childhood kitchen, what smell does she associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for her?
It smelle like industrial-strength cleaner, and unidentifiable meat stew that's been cooked in a pot for hours until it burns, because it was a stereotypical orphanage. And it smelled like poverty, and desperation, and opportunity.
Talk to the Nurse
Re: Talk to the Nurse
Talk to Navaan
OOC