fandomhigh | Practical Philosophy, Wednesday

Ender preferred to keep his classes outside when the weather allowed for it at all. As the temperatures were decent and it didn't look like it was going to rain just yet, he took the class outside to the dorm lawn where he sat down on the ground. "Sit down in a circle, please."

He had a bag of sandwiches and a bag of bottles of water with him, which he put in the middle of the circle.

"Welcome," he said. "My name is Andrew Wiggin. I'm an alumnus of this school; I graduated several years ago." That was all they needed to know, as far as he was concerned. "And you might be wondering what you signed on for."

"While 'philosophy' is in my class's title, we're not here primarily to talk about the philosophers of old or the specifics of particular lines of thought in philosophy. In this class, we try to put our own experiences into a greater perspective through conversation and debate. That means I expect some level of participation from all of you."

This was the part where he smiled, at least a little. "That doesn't mean you always need to speak up about yourself," he said. "No topics are everything to everyone. If that week's subject veers too close to something you want to keep private, be my guest - just try and pitch in when someone else speaks. Ask questions."

"Because that's the point of this class: to ask questions of ourselves and of the people around us. You can even ask questions of me, if you feel the need. And maybe together we can get to the core of our joint and individual experiences." His mouth quirked a bit more. "That doesn't mean we're always going to be lingering on the existential questions - or staring at our belly buttons. It just means we're going to try and dig and come to some understanding about each other, ourselves, and the world."

He picked up a bottle of water. "As for today, let's open a dialogue," he said. "For some of you, this is all new. How is it working for you? Are you elated? Annoyed? Don't want to be here? Achingly happy to be here? And for those of you who aren't - how has the past year treated you? Has there been anything that made you cry or made you think or made you wonder?"

"We can talk about that. Or you can bring up something else you feel is worth questioning. I consider most topics fair game, as long as they're brought up with regard for your fellow students. I can't claim knowledge on most, but I can claim an ability to annoy you with questions about just about anything."

He paused, then nodded at the surly tattooed youth also sitting in the circle. "That's your TA, by the way. His name is Cade."

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Her fingers curled around the edges of her skirt.

"I do not know," Yeul said quietly. "Sometimes, the answer is yes. Other times, I am not sure."

Ender's mouth quirked briefly - with sympathy. "It has its upsides," he said, "and some would argue that no human being is capable of escaping it in the end, though I'm not sure I subscribe to that view."

Even if it hadn't worked for him.

"I have managed without it, barring one exception, for a very long time," she admitted. "Having such a thing change on me now is very... discomfitting."

"Of course it is," Ender said. "When something comes in and upsets the balance we've crafted for ourselves to keep ourselves going... it adds uncertainty."

"Do you think that such an uncertainty is a good thing?" Yeul wondered.

"I think uncertainty is a fact of life," Ender said lightly, "and it can be both good or terrible. We craft our certainties in the world to keep ourselves safe, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for ridiculous reasons. As always, it depends."

"That is the answer I deserve, I suppose," she said, vaguely amused. "I do know this lesson. It is applying it to my current situation that I am unused to."

"Is the uncertainty reason enough to recuse yourself, or is it worthwhile, even if it won't last?" Ender said.

"That is the crux of my dilemma."

Yeul looked down, then shrugged slightly and looked back up.

"I am unsure how to determine the worth of it either way."

"It depends on what you value more," Ender said. "Retaining your state of peace of mind, or the enjoyment of companionship, for however brief it might be. But in order to make that decision, you have to be willing to make an active decision about which one is more important to you."

Yeul's smile was rather rueful.

"The only decision I consistently make is to avoid making active decisions about anything at all."

"You could try to wait it out," Ender said with a little smile. "But that would be choosing peace of mind, wouldn't it?"

"Yes," she agreed, bobbing her head. "It would be. Though I wonder if that is what I should do in any case. The people on the island that I concern myself with are more capable of taking care of themselves than I am, these days."

That had not always been true, see, was the thing...

"Many people tend to enjoy a certain amount of care leveled their way, whether they need it or not," Ender said. "Sometimes being reminded that someone cares can go a long way."

"The act of listening is similar to the act of watching," she observed. "I have done both and begrudged not that effort. If showing that I care is as simple as listening kindly, I have already done that."

She hesitated.

"It is the act of deciding to do more that makes me uneasy."

"It is easier to keep yourself separate when you look at yourself as the one who listens, not the one who acts, I'll grant you that," Ender noted. "Though if you are being tempted to act, the emotional involvement that makes you uneasy is already present."

"My... temptation to act comes and goes," she admitted, watching him. "The person I was most inclined to act for has left the island, which makes me wonder if this line of inquiry should be abandoned entirely, but the confusion remains..."

"It depends," Ender said practically. "Is there any other person on island that could tempt you again? Otherwise it's a moot point, for the time being, though it remains under the scope of the philosophy side of this class."

Yeul toyed with the beads of one bracelet.

"Yes," she said quietly. "There are people on the island who may tempt me, though they have not yet asked anything beyond listening."

"You still have a decision to make, then," Ender said gently. "And the decision might even fluctuate based on the person in question."

He'd chosen to step back from everyone but Ben and Valentine - and now Cade, who was family.

"I suspect it may," she agreed, smiling slightly. "Though I think the hardest part of my decisions will be left to my next life."

Would she choose to remain apart, or decide to reach out to them again?

"Likely," Ender granted.

He remembered her from last year, so that was a statement that required little questioning. "That's the troublesome thing about getting to know other human beings."

"One of them, at least," she said agreeably. "Though I wonder, too, how my decisions will hurt them in the long run too."

"I find it's best to assume you'll do some damage no matter what," Ender said. "The best you can hope for is that the sum of our healing and our damage amounts to something positive."

"The best I hope for is to see a happy future as I die," she replied softly. "Damage ceased to matter to me. Relearning what helps and what doesn't is complicated."

Re: Talk.

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